A/N: Flashback will be italized and in color teal. Enjoy reading!

---

Sooyoung’s POV

 

“When time goes by, and things get hard
Then baby, oh, would you love me the same.”

 

I hummed along as I tapped my pen on the table, staring blankly at the empty sheet of paper in front of me. I don’t know what to write, I don’t know how to start, I don’t know how to jot down the thoughts going on inside my mind lately. I just don’t know how should I begin, again. Her voice echoed, locking me down in place. I’ve been sitting here the whole day, listening to her songs. Everything is well-written... I wanted to write back but I just don’t know how. My mind just can’t process anything and I needed help.

“I loved her just the same...” I sang absentmindedly. “No, that won’t work.”

I ruffled my hair in annoyance as I tried to think of words that I could reply back to her. Yes, her songs were written for me. And I just have this urge to write back, even if without sending it to her directly, I just want to find a way to let go of these thoughts that has been bugging me since the past few months. If I could just talk to her personally, I would. If only I could see her once again and talk things through, I would. If only I can manage to fix everything and start with her, I would. But I just can’t seem to do those things anymore. She wouldn’t allow me to. Now I’m stuck with myself, and I can’t move on. She wants me to unlove her. She knows I can’t.

My thoughts are quickly cut off when I heard my phone ringing. The caller ID shows up the name of someone I barely talk to lately, Tiffany, her bestfriend. I hesitated first whether I should answer it or not. It’s her nth time calling me these past few weeks and I wasn’t surprised at all. I have no reason to talk to her, but then realizing things aren’t the same anymore, no one would stop me anyway. I took a deep breath and answered the call.

“Tiffany,” I answered coldy. “What is it now?”

I heard a sigh from the other line and it took me a few seconds to hear her answer.

“I’m just wondering... if you’re doing well?“

“For the nth time, Tiffany, yes I am.”

“Well, t-that’s good to hear. Then... are you free this eveni-“

I cut her off immediately, knowing her purpose about this call.

“Tiffany...” I tried to sound as calm as I could possibly be so I won’t scare her like how I did when we had our last conversation. I really don’t know how she could give it a thousand try to ask me out even if I already turned her down over and over again. “I can’t go out with you. Please stop-“

“But, why not?”

“...“

"Why not?!" she suddenly burst out, soft sobs can be heard from the other line. “Why can’t you just give it a try?” she said in a desperate tone.

“I just can’t, okay? I’m sorry.”

“If you’re still worried about her, you don’t have to!”

“Tiffany...“

“Because I bet it’s alright for her now. Sooyoung, just give this a try. Just give me a chance!”

“Tiffany, just listen to me-“

“I’m done listening to you. Why don’t you listen to me now?”

“I’m sorry, I just really can’t do it-”

“SHE’S GONE!”

I was taken aback on her sudden outburst. I froze on my spot, and gripped my phone tight like I never wanted anyone to touch it. My other hand automatically clenched into a fist and I knew from that moment, I’m about to lose myself once again.

“Snap out of it, Sooyoung!”

“You’re no longer hers and she’s no longer yours!”

“You will wake up in this world and she will not!”

“She’s gone forever, Sooyoung. Try to accept everything...”

“Do you think it will be too easy for me to let go of things just like that?” I said, gritting my teeth in anger. I can’t seem to control my emotions and just explode right at Tiffany.

“Do you really think that was too easy for me to handle? Are you that dumb to not care about what Jessica would feel if she witnessed that her bestfriend is talking like that to her lover? I really don’t get you, Tiffany! Just recently, you’d talk about how Jessica loves me and that you’ve always supported us. And now, knowing that she’s not around anymore, you’re acting like everything will just go smoothly the way you want it to be. You’re taking advantage of the situation, knowing that no one would stop me nor you. And you call yourself a bestfriend, doing all those things? Shame on you!” I said furiously. I’m really losing myself right now and it’s just too hard to control my anger. I burst out just like that, realizing I went overboard. Damn, now I caused another trouble.

A long pause was all I could receive from the other line before the caller spoke up once again, now with calmness in her voice.

“I’m sorry for bothering you. I shouldn’t have called. I’m sorry.”

In just a few seconds, the call was cut off.

The phone fell out of my hand as I slumped down the floor, holding my head as it continuously throb like it’s going to explode any minute by now. I’ve been dealing with a serious migraine lately, and it just blacks out everything whenever I lose my temper or I’m too depressed about what’s going on. I tried to stand up, balancing myself, only to hit some ornaments beside me and also, our picture frame. I fell back down on the floor and joined the shards of glass, quickly giving me painful cuts on my palm and elbow when I tried to sit up. Not realizing my current situation, a pool of blood was created.

Great. Just great.

This is just too hard. I reached my phone instead and sent a message to Tiffany, hoping for the best.

Tiffany,

               I’ll go out with you this evening. It'll be just a cup of coffee, you get it? Just go here right now. I need help. 

 

 

 

~~¤~~

 

 

 

“Sooyoung!”

I looked up and weakly smiled, “Thank God, I can finally stand up here.”

“What happened to you?”

Tiffany quickly rushed to my side, careful not to walk on the shards of glass. She helped me up and brought me to my bedroom. I sat down on my bed and wait for her to come back as she cleaned up the mess I made. In just a few minutes, she came back, holding a glass of water and probably some medicines on her other hand.

“Here, take this.”

“Thanks...”

She sat beside me as I gulped down the medicines and emptied the glass of water. The medicine quickly took effect but my head still hurts.

“Feeling better?” Tiffany asked as she took the glass from my hand and stood up to place it on the nearest table. “You’re still dealing with that damn migraine?”

“Yeah, it’s more serious than before.”

“You surely need someone to take care of you from now on,” she said as she sat beside me again. I looked at her disapprovingly as she sighed deeply and looked away.

“Right. I was just kidding,” she said in a sarcastic tone. "Are you sure you can go out with me this evening?"

I smiled at her and assured her that I can manage. She's a bit stubborn to listen to me though but at the end, she agreed. Since it's almost evening, I decided to take a quick shower and made Tiffany wait for me at the living room. The water dripped down my body once I stepped in the cold shower. The weather is cold but I didn't mind. I just really love taking a cold shower, and my mind is pretty occupied to even think about shivering under it.

 

 

 

"Sooyoung!"  I turned around and saw Jessica jumping up and down in front of me. "The water's cold!"

"Yeah, it feels good," I said as I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of the cold water on my skin.

"It's too cold!" Jessica exclaimed as she tiptoed beside me and reached the heater, switching the temperature to the third level. I quickly stepped out of the shower when I felt the hot water touched my skin, "Hey! Are you a damn human? It's summer, for goodness' sake!"

I watched Jessica as she enjoyed the water all by herself.

"I like it hot," she said in a seductive tone, before she stuck out her tongue at me.

Sure, that sounds really y... But I need to finish taking a shower too!

It was easy for me to switch the temperature back to one since the heater is just the same level as my height. Soon, Jessica jumped out of the shower again.

"It's so cold!" she whined and kept slapping my arm. I laughed at her as I went in the shower, enjoying the moment once again. Soon after, I quickly felt a burning sensation on my shoulders, realizing the water immediately switched back to the third level.

"Ouch!" I stepped out and tried to blow air on my shoulders, which I actually think would lessen the painful burn I felt. How stupid.

"Sorry, Sooyoung. But the queen owns this for now," she winked at me as I pout in return.

This is our first time taking a shower together and yes, we're fighting over the temperature of the water. An idea popped into my mind as I reached for the heater once again, now turning it to the second level.

 "Hey, why did you do that- oh, it still feels nice," she exclaimed as I chuckled at her adorable behavior. Soon, I joined her in the shower.

"There, we can finally share a shower together," I said as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Good idea," she smiled as she wrapped her arms around my neck, in response to my hug.

"Say..." I started, pulling her closer and leaning down her face.

"You like it hot?"

She played along as she closed the space between us, "Yes, baby," she said, owning my lips as if someone would snatch it from her at any moment. We shared a passionate makeout inside the shower, completely forgetting the fact that we should go somewhere else.

 

 

 

 

I felt something warm drip down my cheeks, realizing it’s not just the water. I’m crying. And it felt like I’ve been stabbed for a hundred times within every second. I brought my palm to my face and started crying there, trying to muffle my moan.

“Sooyoung?”

I heard Tiffany’s voice outside and I quickly wiped my tears away, “I’m done. Just stay there in the living room while I get ready!” I said as I turned off the shower and stepped out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my body.

“Okay!” she shouted back as I heard her footsteps slowly disappear.

I went out of the bathroom to get dressed. While getting ready, I faced the mirror and saw how lean I’ve become. I saw how hollow my cheeks formed, my eyes dried up from all those sleepless nights, and I got slack skin. If Jessica’s here, she’d start lecturing me about how she hates it when I don’t take care of myself whenever she’s not around.

I laughed silently when I realized I’ve been thinking about her again. These thoughts... they just won’t stop bugging me.

Once finished, I went out of my room and saw Tiffany playing with her phone. She looked up at me and smiled.

“Let’s go?”

I nod in return as we both went out of my house, proceeding to my car and driving off to a cafe Jessica and I would usually go to.

She’s just everywhere. I can’t stand it.

 

 

 

 

It’s mid-December and Jessica and I decided to go out for a stroll in the park. I don’t know why we thought of going out for a walk when it’s freezing outside. Sometimes, the weirdest ideas just pop out of our minds and then there, we’re doing crazy stuff together.

I clasped our hands together as we both walk, looking at each other and giggling whenever we caught each other staring.

“This feels nice...” I said as I smiled at her. She nodded in return and went closer to me, her hands trembling in cold. I chuckled softly as I decided to remove my scarf and wrap it around her neck instead. I held her hand tightly and brought it inside the holes of my sweater, to at least keep her warm.

“Better?”

“Better.”

As we walk side by side, with her clinging on my arm, we saw a new cafe near the park. We decided to check it out and ordered our coffee. The cafe is actually small and there’s not much of people but then, who would go out in the blistering cold anyway? Well, we’re an exception for that.

“This is so chill,” Jessica said, smiling. There goes that adorable smile of hers.

“You want to know what’s ‘chill’?” I grinned at her as she blushed furiously.

“Hey!” she laughed as she slapped my arm playfully. “There goes that silly smile of yours again!”

We laughed as we took a sip of our coffee. Whenever we don’t have anything to do, we would visit that cafe near the park, and just spend our day together. Even the staff from the cafe is used from having us around, since the cafe doesn’t have that much of customer, just us. Sometimes, we would even kiss whenever the staff isn’t looking. We enjoyed the company of each other, just the two of us. Just the simplest moments, it still felt perfect and memorable.

 

 

 

 

We went inside the cafe and signaled Tiffany to sit down.

"I'll go order for us."

I went to the front counter and felt the atmosphere tensed up. This place gave me a lot of memories and it felt like it’s just not the same anymore without her. I saw the staff went out of the door and her attention quickly directed to me.

“Sooyoung?” she started as she came closer to me, her eyes already telling me what she’s about to say.

“I’m sorry about Jessica...”

I nodded and decided to order instead, “I’ll order a macchiato, the usual serve, and cappuccino for that girl over there,” I said as I pointed behind me. Since there’s no customer at this time, the staff could already see I’m pertaining to Tiffany.

“A friend?”

“Jessica’s bestfriend.”

I went back to Tiffany and sat in front of her. I can feel her eyes watching every move I make. I sighed as I turned to face her, making her look away in an instant.

“Tiffany, I’m sorry about earlier.”

“It’s fine.”

“...”

“...”

Both of us paused for a while, averting our attention from each other. It tooks us a few minutes before someone could speak again.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you all the time. Don’t worry, I won’t anymore.”

“But-“

“It’s fine. I’ve made up my mind,” she said, showing a weak smile. “I won’t force you to be with me anymore. I realized I’m just never enough to be in Jessica’s position.”

I looked down, feeling so disappointed about myself. Why did I even raised my voice to this girl? All she wanted was to express her feelings to me and all I did was hurt her over and over.

“I’m really sorry, Tiffany...”

“I understand. You really love Jessica. I’m just jealous of the fact that she has someone who loves her so much, like you.”

I sighed and reached for Tiffany’s hand. I held it with much gratitude.

“Thank you for understanding.”

She smiled sadly, “I hope I could find someone like you soon, Sooyoung.”

Our order came, and I quickly retrieved my hand back.

“Thank you for this, Hyoyeon,” I said to the staff who gladly smiled and gave us a free cheesecake.

“Enjoy your day,” she said as she also turned to Tiffany and smiled. Tiffany smiled back at her. She walked back at the counter, leaving Tiffany and I once again.

“Thank you for the treat,” Tiffany said. When she saw a kitten drawn on her coffee, her eyes automatically curved into crescent moons, smiling like the usual.

I smiled as I took a sip of my macchiato. I saw a short note under it and says, "I'm closing this shop soon. You and Jessica will always be my favorite customer."

That just made me sad. This place has brought so many memories of us. It would be such a disappointment to lose this place. I brushed the thought away and instead, enjoyed my coffee.

How I wish I could be drinking coffee like this again... with Jessica.

“About this, by the way...” Tiffany spoke as she put her coffee down, some milk foam formed on top of her upper lip. “I actually have a purpose about asking you out this evening.”

I took my handkerchief and handed it over, “Okay, I’ll listen after you wipe off that mustache.”

Her face instantly turned red as she took the handkerchief from me and erased the milk foam immediately. She kept my handkerchief in her bag and closed it.

“Hey, what are you going to do with my hanky?”

“I’ll wash it first and I’ll give it back to you, seriously!”

I laughed as I went back from the topic, “So, you’re saying?”

“Uhm, it’s about Jessica.”

When I heard her name, my chest felt heavy once again. Whenever I’m reminded of her, my world would just crash down and it’s like all of my surrounding turns black and white.

Wherever I go, it’s all a blur. The world felt so ugly without the sight of her.

“What about Jessica?”

“Some of her stuff from America came. Her parents sent it to me, telling me to give it to you. They said they found it inside her old room when they went in to clean it. It seems like it’s something important and it’s for you,” Tiffany said, handing over a pink box. “I thought it’s for me since it’s pink but then a small note was attached to it saying it’s for you.”

“Thank you,” I said and smiled softly. I held the box and felt her presence when I did.

“You’re always welcome,” she smiled back at me. “Also, the driver is now in jail.”

“Really?”

“He’s charged with unlimited fine and a penalty of 14 years in jail.”

I sighed as I stared at the box, Tiffany extending her arm to pat my shoulders. “Please be okay now, Sooyoung.”

I just smiled in response and realized I’m crying once again.

 

 

 

 

Shattered glass and plates are scattered everywhere. Jessica is standing in the doorway with her hand on , tears were continuously flowing down her face.

She saw me. She saw Tiffany and I kissed.

“Jessica, it’s not what you think-“

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO EACH OTHER THEN?”

It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her scream like that. She threw the tray she’s holding and ran away. I ran after her, leaving the dumbfounded Tiffany standing in our room.

I saw Jessica grab my car keys so I followed her to the car. I went in the passenger’s side as she sat on the driver’s seat, starting the engine.

“What are you doing here? Leave me alone!”

“I won’t leave until you listen to me!”

“I won’t listen to you. Get out!”

“And this is my car, for your information!”

“I don’t care!”

The car drove off, with Jessica driving in high speed. I quickly pulled the seatbelt to secure myself and also did the same to hers. She’s so focused on driving, sending the car almost flying because of its speed.

“Would you at least drive at a normal pace?” I shouted as I reached for the grab-handle of the car.

“You shouldn’t have tag along if you don’t like me driving this way,” Jessica said, still crying continuously. “You should’ve stayed with Tiffany in OUR house.”

“Oh, so you’re planning to kill yourself?” I exclaimed, “I didn’t kiss Tiffany. She kissed me!”

“And you enjoyed the moment, huh? Letting her kiss you just like that,” she sarcastically said, turning the car to the nearest junction. It felt like she’s drifting the car and the whole ride is so scary.

“I didn’t! I was taken aback when she did and it happened to be at the moment you entered the room!”

“Oh, so you would kiss back if I didn’t came earlier?”

“That’s not what I mean!”

She suddenly stopped the car just at the side of the road and parked it there. She faced me as we continuously argued over the issue, and all I did was explain that I didn’t like Tiffany. We are so immersed with the argument that we didn’t realized a truck is staggering its way to us...

 

 

 

 

Tiffany is such a good friend and she’s almost like a sister to me. We share the same interests and I just can’t seem to bring myself to like her back.

“I’m really sorry for everything, Sooyoung...” Tiffany said to me as she herself, is also crying.

 

 

 

 

The three of us are watching a movie. We’re having a movie marathon and Jessica decided to invite her bestfriend, Tiffany.

“This is such a good movie,” Jessica said. We finished watching ‘Inside Out’ and it was heartbreaking.

“What should we watch next?”

Tiffany suggested a movie and all of us agreed.

“I’ll just prepare more snacks, be right back!” Jessica stood up from her seat and kissed me, before running to the kitchen.

“Okay, that’s my wife right there,” I said, smiling proudly.

Tiffany’s been quiet since the moment she entered the house. Well, not really quiet whenever Jessica’s here with us. She just don’t talk whenever we’re stuck together. She’s cuddled on her seat, just staring at the tv.

I wonder what's the problem... Oh God, maybe I smell?

“Earth to Tiffany, you okay?” I said as I waved my hands in front of her.

"..."

She won’t budge so I decided to lean closer, poking her head with my finger. This time she came back to her senses but she jolted away from me.

“Why are you so close?” she stuttered, her face turning into bright pink.

"Huh?"

"..."

“Oh, you look just like your favorite color!” I joked as I clapped my hands. Realizing it didn't made her laugh, all the clapping died down. Okay, this became a really awkward situation. But I swear, I saw her blush furiously. 

I stood up from my seat and went closer to her, “Tiffany, what’s wrong?”

She suddenly took a step back and turned away from me,

“It’s nothing...”

“I’m sorry if I offend you,” I apologized as I took a step closer to her, not realizing the closeness I’ve made. “Wait, did I offend you?”

“No, it’s fine...”

“No, it isn’t. Please tell me what’s wrong. Do I smell?”

“It’s really nothing, Sooyoung...”

“Hey...” I held her shoulders and made her face me.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

"..."

"Please, Tiff?"

She blushed once again and then the next thing I knew, this girl’s kissing me.

“I like you, Sooyoung."

"..."

"And, that’s what bothers me all this time...”

 

 

 

 

“Everyday, I still blame myself for what happened...”

Tiffany cried. I went to her side and comfort her. She kept crying, as well as I am.

“No one expected this would happen. Stop blaming yourself.”

“I have to go,” Tiffany stood up and weakly smiled, “Thank you for today. I’ll deliver your handkerchief as soon as I can.”

“Just keep it with you,” I said.

We bid goodbyes at each other as I went back to my car, driving back to our house. As I drive back home, I kept looking at the pink box beside me. It felt like her presence is just inside this car. This car is new, but the pink box made me feel like she still exist.

Maybe, somewhere in my heart.

“I don’t wanna go home yet...” I said to no one as I drove off somewhere else.

I decided to go to the beach instead. Jessica and I would usually go to the beach. She just loves going to the beach and annoying me to bring her there.

 

 

 

 

I woke up, my head banging like hell. I sat up from my bed and looked around.

This isn’t our house. This isn’t our bed.

I looked down and realized I’ve been wearing a hospital gown. My arms look pale. I got scratches and bandage wrapped around my upper back. It hurts. My whole body hurts.

It wasn’t a dream.

Soon, someone came inside my room. It was my sister, Soojin.

“Sooyoung!”

She quickly ran and hugged me.

“Thank God!” she cried as she looked at me, smiling. Her eyes are swollen and she look like she didn’t get any sleep at all.

“Soojin, you look terrible...”

“That doesn’t matter now. What matters is that you’re alive!”

“Of course, I am.”

I look behind my sister and saw my parents entering the room. It is obvious that they’ve been staying up all night. All of them hugged me, saying how thankful they are.

But I’m waiting for another person...

Jessica.

Where’s Jessica?

“Where’s Jessica?” I said, looking around when I realized more people came inside. My friends came in, also Tiffany, and some of my co-workers even went here to visit me. But still, there’s no sight of Jessica. Then I saw another three enter the room. It’s Jessica’s family.

“Mom, where’s Jessica?” I turned to my mom. Her expression died down, but still forcing a smile at me. I know my mom. It’s not her usual smile. It’s just different.

“Dear, you’re in a deep coma for almost three weeks...”

“But I need to know where Jessica is.“

"Sooyoung-"

"Mom, please. Where is she?"

“Sooyoung, you’re involved in a car accident,” my Dad suddenly spoke up, his voice sound too serious.

“I know, Dad...” I said, feeling the tension around the room. “But I wanna see Jessica. Where is she?”

Jessica’s parents went closer to me. They’re smiling, but it’s not the same smile they would always show up to me whenever they see me. Krystal’s eyes are swollen. When I looked at her, she suddenly burst out crying, hugging her Dad. I don’t know what happened. But I wanna know where’s Jessica.

“What happened...”

“Sooyoung,” Jessica’s mom went close to me and suddenly hugged me really tight.

“Jessica’s dead.”