o n e

It had felt like the longest day of Donghae's life, but after exclaiming that to his groupmates, he was uncomfortably reminded that he said that every day. But it was true this time. He'd been to his vocal lesson, he'd gone through his lines for the interview they'll be doing tomorrow and now he had been dancing for god-knows how long and can't remember waking up this morning. Or sleeping last night. All he could remember was practice and lessons and scripts, the way he had to behave, react and interact. It felt like the last four years had flown by, but so slowly that Donghae saw each motion frame-by-frame. It all added up to now. Well, not now, but tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day of his debut as a member of Super Junior 05. And he'd worked so hard.

But he was the most nervous out of all thirteen members. Whenever he stood still and took a breath, he'd feel the weight of s', his managers' and his family's expectations all come crashing down onto his shoulders. He had to do well, and he knew he could, but -
“Donghae, c'mon. Lets go over this one bit some more.” Hyukjae noticed Donghae had retreated into his thoughts again, and suggested one of the easier parts of choreography for them to practice together. “You know this, right?”

He nodded, a small mumbled yes coming from his lips. The sound of the music compelled his limbs into motion, almost mechanically. Each note played and each syllable sung directly related to a particular movement that had been drilled into him over the last six months. He was sure he could dance this choreo in his sleep. The members often joked that he did.

Donghae had worked hard, and could dance well - but when they practised on a real stage, he was blinded by the talent of others. He couldn't help but watch when Ryeowook stepped out to belt a high note, or when Kibum controlled the audience as easily as breathing. They were overwhelmingly talented, of course. But Donghae's favourite person to watch was Lee Hyukjae. A dancer, a rapper, and whether he admitted it or not, a singer, too. Donghae liked hearing Hyukjae sing, but he didn't get a chance to very often. He felt like Hyukjae outshone his own abilities, when they were on stage together or even now, in the practice room, just the two of them practising together (the others were sat at the back watching), it was like he wasn't even there. When he looked into the mirror ahead of him, he could only see Hyukjae, he was just a part of the background. He could have been a back-up dancer.
Donghae stumbled, falling over his own feet as he was too wrapped up in his own anxieties to focus on his movements. He fell to the floor, catching himself before any real damage could be done.

“Are you okay?” Jeongsu was there in an instant, worried about any serious injury that could affect their debut. “You're okay, right?”

“Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks.” Donghae palmed his way into a sitting position, and covered the scrapes on his knees and hands from view. They weren't serious, but he didn't want to get told off by their manager or stylist.

Donghae excused himself and went into the toilets, running icy water over his hands and splashing some onto his face to cool down. The door slid open and he heard it bang closed.

“What's up?” Hyukjae asked, leaning against the door. He had a towel in one hand, and dappled it against his forehead.

“I'm fine.” Donghae tried to smile convincingly, but it didn't look like it worked.

“You know you're gonna be fine, don't you?” He offered, locking eyes with Donghae. “You've worked harder than anyone, everyone knows it. You're gonna be great.”

“What if I'm not, though? We're a project group, they don't even know if we're good enough to last more than a year! We have to earn our fans or else-”

“Or else what?”

“It'll be over. That'll be it, a year of the spotlight and then what, an office job? I could be a back-up dancer, if I'm lucky.” Donghae veered off track of the conversation, saying the things that came into his head before thinking about them: “But you'll be fine, the girls will wanna be with you and the guys will wanna be you. Same with the others, Jeongsu, Youngwoon, Ryeowook... even the younger one, Kyuhyun. Have you heard him sing? There's no way he'll mess it up. I'm just a filler, average at best-”

“Hey,” Hyukjae stopped him, “Calm down. I promise you that you're not average. You won at SM's Youth Best, I didn't make it in the first time I auditioned, so you're already ahead of me!” He smiled, and looked him in the eye again. “I won't let you give up.”

When Donghae looked up again, he gave in to the warmth of Hyukjae's eyes.