Life is precious. It is given to you for a reason, you’re in this raw and cruel world for a reason. You live through wars, through ups and downs, through the most beautiful moments in life. You live to protect the ones you love, to be protected and loved. You live to work, to party and to enjoy your life as much as you can.

Your life is perfect, even if perfection doesn’t exist, at least you think you have a good way to go. You have your friends, our family, your past lovers, and your current lover. They’re happy, you’re happy.

But when that happiness gets cut off by a sudden change in your life, it makes you wonder about things you never thought it would cross your mind. Questions about the meaning of life, how it can end up so quickly if you’re careless. And even if you’re careful about the world around you, even if you take caution and be prepared for what’s outside your house, even when you’re aware of danger and try your best to avoid it and watch it from afar, it catches you. It catches you as if you were a magnet, turning the world you thought was all butterflies and happiness into darkness and a feeling of despair.

Life is cruel, Park Jimin thinks. He was a mere 20 y/o university student, going through an art course, because he loves art. He loves how you can transform your thoughts, your dreams, into a surface with only a pen or pencil. He loves how every piece of art expresses a different idea, a different point of view to everyone. He loves how he can project his own dreams, his own thoughts, and make someone smile, cry, laugh.

He used to love that. But now, he’s sitting in front of his desk, pencil in one hand, empty eyes watching the busy world outside, his mind floating around his decisions in life, trying to find a reason to draw again. He lost it, literally. He lost it two months ago, when his life turned around so quickly, in just a couple of seconds, as he watched his best friend killing himself.

Jimin watched it elapse, in slow motion, eyes fixed to Min Yoongi’s slim figure, standing on top of their dorm’s roof, just a few meters away from him, and many meters away from the ground. Yoongi was looking at him, eyes so empty and puffy, probably because he’d been crying all day. Jimin didn’t know the reason for this. They were best friends since ever, they’ve always been together, and Yoongi never even hinted a flinch of sadness within him. Yoongi was always calm and sometimes playful. Seeing him in this state, pale face, red eyes, broken smile, made Jimin’s heart break and sink into his chest, feeling powerless, incapable of looking into Yoongi’s mind and see what was really going on.

                Jimin watched from afar, his legs shuddering and unable to function, gluing him into the floor. His mind (and heart) were screaming, begging, him to move. He pictured it inside his head, slowly walking towards his hyung, telling him he’s important, telling him that no matter what happened, Jimin was there to support him, he was there to hear him and hold him, he was there for him. He pictured himself holding Yoongi’s hand and telling him to climb down, holding him into an embrace and whispering comfort words into his ear while the older cries against his chest. Jimin visualised everything, he was sure he could do it. But he couldn’t, and it was too late. He tried to reach forward, replaying everything he imagined into real life, but it was too late. He followed Yoongi with his eyes as he tilt backwards, his broken smile still lingering on his face, and Jimin watched him disappear, just like that. He watched what looked like his body floating into the air and suddenly, he’s gone. He kept walking slowly, a blank expression holding onto his face, and Jimin looked down, seeing people screaming and gathering around Yoongi’s body.  

                He stood there, for a couple of minutes, thinking of nothing, staring into the ground and watching the world around him. He could hear people running towards him, probably his friends. Jimin could hear them talking, although he couldn’t figure out what they were saying. And when he finally snapped out of it, his legs gave up on him, and he kneeled down. He could feel his cheeks burning up, his vision becoming blurry from the tears forming in his eyes. Tears started running down his cheek, heavy, in a non stopping circle. He wanted to scream, he wanted to just lay down and stay there. He didn’t know what to do, where to go, what to say. His friends started shaking him, asking him what happened, almost screaming into his ears. Jimin lost his best friend, and the person he loved, forever.

                Even now, after two months, Jimin is still trying to move on with his life. He was sharing a room with Yoongi previously, but one of his friends, Kim Seokjin, decided it was better to move into another room. So now he’s staying with Kim Taehyung, one of his classmates from Arts History class. Taehyung was very cheerful, Jimin liked it. He could crack a smile once in a while when the younger did something dumb, either by accident or on purpose. He liked how Taehyung wouldn’t fake his actions, he like how it was pure and genuine, just like Taehyung’s personality.

                Jimin started getting better and recovering from the accident, until one day, when Yoongi’s birthday came. Jimin couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t think of anything else but his hyung. How if he did something back then, Yoongi could now be celebrating his birthday. He remembered past birthdays, when he used to count the minutes, the seconds, until midnight came and Jimin would throw himself onto Yoongi’s bed, playing around and singing “happy birthday to you”. He remembered how Yoongi would get so mad, because he wanted to sleep, but in the end he would smile and thank him. Jimin missed his smile. He missed waking up to the sound of Yoongi’s low, raspy morning voice, an