Final
The W's TherapyI don't think I would ever get use to the receptionist's face. The slight upward tilt of her lips when she greets me, the high nose structure, the eyes that seems so deep like she's staring into my soul when--
"Miss Kang? Come on in."
When I'm supposed to empty my soul in this room the first Wednesday of every month with my therapist Mrs. Kim.
With Mrs. Kim's face, her porcelain features amazes me; small eyes that seems too close together, the sharp jawline with her left chin dimple and the short hair bob. That's new, actually.
"Do you like it?"
"Yes."
"I was trying to color my hair at home but it didn't work out so I had to cut it short. Funny, right?"
I simply smiled and nodded.
"So tell me something that's new in your life."
How can anything possibly happen from last month to today? In anyone's life, actually.
"It doesn't have to be anything major. It could be like using a new route to work or changing to a different shampoo."
I thought long and hard of any events in my daily life that recently changed.
"I bought a pet fish. I named it Sweetie."
"Why Sweetie?"
"She had a sweet tooth."
I saw Mrs. Kim scribbles in her black notebook then she flipped the page to continue to write on another page. I looked around like I always do when I have nothing to say. I saw that she have a plushie now, a skeleton of some sort on her desk but that's the only personal touch she have in the room. I don't think she have a picture frame either.
"How are your family?"
"Dad got diagnosed with lung cancer." I can feel the stare from her but I didn't want to look at her, not when the carpet suddenly looked so interesting.
Another scribble, a simple nod and that is how our sessions end.
I looked at the clock on the wall of her office. Mrs. Kim is three minutes late. I wondered if she knows I'm waiting for her in the lobby. Just then, the door opened. A girl, maybe around my age walked out. She kept tugging at her sleeves as Mrs. Kim was talking to her. She was very fidgety. She hastily nodded and walked away. Mrs. Kim then looked at me and smiled.
"Mrs. Kang? Come on in."
I sat down and waited for her to find my file. It's fairly thin compared to the one she just put away. It seems almost like a book. It must belonged that girl. I was curious if Mrs. Kim write the same things about me like the previous girl.
"Sorry for the wait, Seulgi. So anything you want to tell me?"
"Sweetie died." Mrs. Kim nodded but she didn't write it down. I noticed but I didn't say anything.
"I'm sorry to hear that." I nodded as well. I looked over to her desk and smiled at the plushie.
"My friend gave that to me. It's name is Jack Skellington." Nodding again, I looked back at her and she wrote that down. Mrs. Kim never asked me directly about my problems. I think she is going with the "she'll open up when she feels comfortable" method. I don't think it's going to work though but life loves to prove me wrong.
"Miss Kang, let's switch it up a little bit. I wrote down prompts for you either to write down the answers or simply tell me."
She reminds me of Mary Poppins when she pulls out a container from her bag. She motioned me to pick out a piece of paper. The first one reads:
Who is the most important person to you and why?
I looked at the paper, puzzled. I didn't know how to answer it or more like, I didn't feel like there is enough beautiful words in the world to describe her so I wrote:
She was and always will be
I showed her the answer and again, she simply nodded and scribbled. I picked out the next one.
What do you want to be when you're older?
Hers
I smiled at how easy it was to write down the answer like when we were younger when asked about our future career choices. Now, too many options to choose from so we struggled of figuring out who we want to be. She knew though. Ever since she was young, she knew. She always knew that she wanted to be mine and that when I'm older, I would finally admit it that I want to be hers and I am hers, always.
Have you ever thought about where you want to settle down?
I have to think about this one for a little bit. We never talk about life after university. She likes living in the moment, not worrying about the future. Maybe we should have thought about it so I wouldn't be so lost now without her. A tear escaped from my eyes.
"Do you want to tell me instead for this one, Miss Kang?"
I wipe it away and shook my head. I exhaled and wrote down my answer.
In a house somewhere with her in it, with her baking and I'm the guinea pig tasting her new creations
I looked at the container and saw that I have only one left. Mrs. Kim closed her book and put away her pen. She crossed her legs and placed her hands on her knees. I guess this is the one question she really want to know the answer to. How do I prepare myself for this? Should I be scared? I opened the piece of paper and almost burst.
When do you think you would be able to move on?
Moving on would mean that I have to face reality. The world that I'm in right now would come crashing down and the truth will try to force itself onto me for dear life, making me face it. The truth is that the love of my life, Wendy is never coming back and it scares me.
I sank down onto the floor, shaking as I cry but Mrs. Kim let me be. She let me be when all of the emotions came crashing in like waves hitting the rocks at the bottom of a cliff. She let me be when I remember the happiness that Wendy brings me doesn't exist anymore and that now thinking about her brings me pain. She just let me be. After I felt like an eternity, I gave Mrs. Kim my answer.
"Never because I love her too much."
"Even if your sanity depends on it?"
"She was my sanity. She was my everything."
Comments