네 목소릴 높여 더 멀리

 

“I always found stars interesting.”

 

Jungkook props his head up to stare down at the other. “Stars? How so?”

 

“Just,” Taehyung pauses to gather his thoughts, “There’s so many, you know? It’s hard to wrap your head around.” Despite the fact that their schedules are packed and planned out to the last minute, Jungkook and Taehyung have managed to steal an hour for themselves (It’s 3AM, but it still counts). After practice the two snuck away to the small park tucked behind the high rise building, following the edge of the river hand-in-hand and walking slowly to enjoy the fresh air.

 

Jungkook is not sure exactly when he fell in love with the older male, but when it finally hit him, it left him light headed and disoriented. Taehyung was too beautiful for his own good, and Jungkook found himself transfixed by his strange hyung with the boxy smile and cat eyes. He kept it to himself for the longest time - he had to pretend that a shirtless Taehyung didn’t make sweat bead on his brow and had to choke down the objections that rose like bile in his throat every time their fans chanted ‘VMin’ or ‘TaeGi’ - but despite how many times Jungkook had managed to suppress his feelings, the facade shattered the minute their stylist opened that box of orange dye. Before Jungkook could convince himself it was a bad idea, he had Taehyung locked inside a storage closet with his arms pinned above his head. Jungkook ran his fingers through the older’s bright orange hair so many times his fingers got stained; that plus the marks left after his lips burned a trail up the side of Taehyung’s pale neck made things a bit difficult to explain.

 

It was all downhill from there. Jungkook fell hard for his hyung and just as quickly Taehyung found he could no longer ignore how his heart jumped out of his chest every time his mind wandered Jungkook’s way. Their first dates were awkward and full of uncomfortable silence, but shy smiles and clasped hands filled in the gaps. That time around, Taehyung was the one that found himself acting on impulse, but luckily the hand he shoved down the other’s pants was well received. It’s been a year since they’ve been together, but the butterflies have yet to calm down; they’re both whipped and the they’ve never been happier.

 

“I’m still not following you,” Jungkook lays his head back down on Taehyung’s warm chest, hand smoothing down his side absently. They’re lying stretched out in the unkempt grass with their legs tangled together; Taehyung is staring up at the dark sky and Jungkook is watching the tiny mole on the older’s neck. “What do stars have to do with our new choreo?”

 

The other pauses for a second then flaps a hand in dismissal, “Ah, I don’t know. Forget it.”

 

“No no, hey!” the younger tugs at the hem of Taehyung’s jacket, “Tell me.”

 

“It’s… it’s just humbling I guess. In the big scheme of things, we’re pretty insignificant. Like have you ever considered that we were ordinary kids until they shoved a mike in our hands and pushed us up on stage? Why do they get to decide who gets to be a star? Wasn’t I already me before they smeared my face with makeup and dyed my hair? Do I even want to be the me everyone thinks I am?” Taehyung is on a roll, rattling out questions that’ve been floating around in his head from the moment he was scouted. “Do you wanna be the Jungkook everyone thinks you are?”

 

“Um… maybe?”

 

“Jungkoooooook,” he whines and pokes a finger into the younger’s side, “You’re missing the point.”

 

“Ya! Okay okay,” he laughs, trying to wiggle away, “I guess it does kind of . But then again, we signed up for this right? This is what we wanted.”

 

“I guess,” Taehyung hums, “But, in all honesty, if I could go back and warn myself of what’s to come, I don’t know if I would’ve tried to convince my parents to let me audition.”

 

Jungkook knows the comment isn’t targeted at him, that Taehyung isn’t referring to the day all those years ago he walked into the wrong practice room, into his practice room, but Jungkook can’t help how his breath catches in his throat. “I-” his voice cracks. And them dating definitely causes tension in the group from time to time, so it’d make sense to Jungkook if Taehyung chose the team over him. Maintaining their relationship is risky on the best days; if anyone else were to find out, their careers would be over as fast as they started. It’s selfish of them, but Jungkook can’t seem to care. He thought Taehyung didn’t either. “I-I didn’t know you felt that way, hyung.”

 

Taehyung is quick to pick up on the insecure way the other’s voice trembles. “Aw, baby,” he murmurs into the nest of soft, black hair, “You know I don’t mean you.”

 

Shaky fingers tighten around Taehyung’s bicep, “I know, hyung,” he grimaces, “But it’s true.”

 

“It is,” Taehyung chirps, “There’s so many things I regret about our relationship despite how much I love you.” Leave it to the alien to be so blunt.

 

“You know,” Jungkook digs a finger into his side, “You sound a little too upbeat given what you’re implying here.”

 

“I serious!” Taehyung smiles widely, “You really ed me up, Kookie.”

 

“...You’re welcome?” Jungkook is not sure where this is going. Taehyung isn’t either, really, he’s  spewing word vomit but he means every syllable in every jumbled sentence.

 

“I tried to deny them at first,” Taehyung starts, “My feelings that is, but you were so damn adorable I couldn't think straight if you weren’t within an arm’s reach. I thought for a while that if I ignored the warning signs, everything would turn out fine, but in the end I fell fast and hard for you.”

 

Jungkook laughs at the memory, “I told you to stop locking your knees.”

 

“It was even worse when you confessed to me,” Taehyung grins, “I had to sit down it was so surreal. Up until then I’d thought it was a one sided crush, but you were actually into me and I couldn’t believe it. The first time we kissed my knees were shaking so badly, I thought I’d pass out halfway through it. You were the first guy I ever kissed and it was exhilarating to think that you’d be the only one, that I’d be your only one.”

 

“You are,” Jungkook mumbles, “You’re my first everything. I’m glad Lee PD stopped you in the hall that day and gave you her business card.”

 

“Ahhhh,” Taehyung sighs, “But that’s the thing I regret.”

 

“...Come again?”

 

“I just I wish I could rewind time and change the circumstances,” he confesses, “I wouldn’t have wanted to be a star if I knew it meant pretending to be something I’m not. I wanna be Kim Taehyung, the real Kim Taehyung, and I wanna brag about my hot boyfriend to anyone who’ll listen. I don’t wanna have to think of a convincing answer every time I’m asked about my ideal type, I wanna hold up your arm and tell all the thirsty es to make way for VKook.”

 

“Ya, It’s okay, hyung,” Jungkook rubs slow circles into Taehyung’s arm, “We know; that’s all that matters.”

 

“But how is that fair?” he questions, voice tight, “You’re mine and I can’t even tell anyone. Why? Because I signed up to be living barbie doll when in reality I’m twice as flawed as the next guy? Why am I sacrificing my body, my time, my energy, my everything, just to be thrown out and replaced when people get tired of me? Does that make any sense at all??” It doesn’t. They all know it and yet here they are. “It’s exactly like an actual star, like those tiny little dots in the sky,” he gestures up at the dark expanse, “When I’m ‘too old’ to be an idol I’ll burn out and fade, nobody will give a about BTS or Kim Taehyung or Jung Jungkook. No one will sing our songs or care about the lyrics I put sweat and tears into or ever bother to remember us. That’s our future, Jungkook, and it’s coming in the next ten years more than likely. Doesn’t it bother you that we came with an expiration date printed on our foreheads?”

 

It does. “I try not to think about that kind of stuff, hyung. It’s depressing.”

 

“But it’s our reality.”

 

“Define reality, hyung.”

 

Taehyung sis up a little to squint down at the lump lying on his chest. “You’re making this difficult,” he tsks, “I’m not planning a coup or anything, I’m just trying to make sense of what’s going on in my head. Be a good boyfriend and indulge me, would you?”

 

“Fine,” Jungkook relents, “I do think about it sometimes and I’ve come to the conclusion that this whole industry , and, more than likely, will only get worse. Idols are treated like machines and discarded like trash as it is, so who knows where we’ll be in ten years.”

 

“My point exactly.”

 

“Buuuuuuuut,” Jungkook continues, “I’d rather shine and burn out than never get a shot at my dream. Singing is all I’ve ever hoped to do, and, even if it’s short lived, I wanna stand on stage and scream myself hoarse.”

 

“Even if there’s no one there to listen?”

 

“Especially then,” Jungkook nods, “You have to keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. I know that eventually people’s attention will shift elsewhere, I’m prepared for that, but that doesn’t mean that I should give up. It’s why I push myself to do better, why I practise longer and harder. Yeah, there’s probably a ton of our fans that are only interested in our thighs, but for those few who genuinely love our music, who know every single word by heart and look forward to our next album and the one after that and the one after that… those are the fans I’m singing for. For them and for myself. So maybe I fade in ten years,” he shrugs, “At least I had a chance to shine.”

 

“That’s good enough for you? A few minutes of fame in trade for all the years you spent training?”

 

Jungkook considers this for a second. “That’s not all I’d get,” he props himself up again and rubs their noses together, “I’d have you.”

 

“What a lucky man,” Taehyung quips sarcastically.

 

“I really am, hyung,” and Jungkook means it with every fiber of his being, “Cause no matter how I see it, you wouldn’t just fade to black. The Kim Taehyung I know is too special for that.”

 

“How do you figure that?”

 

“You’re a shooting star, Tae,” Jungkook murmurs as he presses a kiss to the side of his neck, "Even if you fade, they'll never forget you. They can't."

 

You're unforgettable.

 

 

 

 

 

A/N:

This was originally written as MarkGyeom based off of this gif…  I didn’t mean to, but this somehow ended up with a “Young Forever” theme to it so I couldn’t help myself and turned it into VKook. If you haven't read the lyrics, you really should.

 

This is the last story I’m writing until I get through my finals, so enjoy. In the meantime, I’ll be in hell writing my honors essay :,) ILY and thanks for reading <3