He never meant for this to happen. He never meant for any of this to happen. He was upset and not thinking clearly. None of this made any sense. He shouldn't be here, half  and pinned beneath the younger boy whom he'd had far too many fantasies about. 

 But he was here. He was here and he couldn't make himself do anything but move his lips back against the other. How had this happened?

 Leaving ASC was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He had been there since the beginning. The very first episode of After School Club was one of his fondest memories, awkward and full of technical errors but monumental none the less. It was his baby and now, after three years, he was walking away from it. 

 It was so surreal it didn't fully sink in until he was back at home, finished the filming for the last episode. He sat down on his couch, sighing tiredly and rubbing his eyes. He hadn't slept the night before and his body was aching all over. After blinking back his exhaustion a couple times his eyes fell on the photos above his fireplace, kitchen light glinting off the glass panes so that he had to squint to see properly. He immediately regretted looking. 

 First was a photo of him and Hanbyul from their very first episode, standing in front of the ASC logo and smiling. Next was him and Kevin after Hanbyul had left. It was so long ago he barely felt the ache anymore. Then it was a collage of Jimin, her first episode as a guest, her first day filling in for Kevin and finally the day she was announced as a full time host. It was a timeline of the happiest moments of his life for the past three years but all he could think was now how that timeline was over.

 Yes, he'd chosen to leave ASC but he obviously hadn't properly come to terms with it. It wasn't cut and dry where he could just leave and move on like nothing had happened. He wasn't hardwired that way. This was a huge step in his life and he suddenly wasn't sure he should have taken it.

 The first tear feel before he even realized he was sad. It dropped onto his pristine white shirt, the one he hadn't bothered changing out of before he escaped back to his apartment. He looked down, blinking at it and fighting the urge to sniffle. He told himself he wouldn't cry, promised himself. Despite that, the tears started to squeeze out of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks to stain his shirt.

 , here he went. The first sob racked his body and he winced, brining a sleeve up to wipe his nose before the snot could reach his face. 

 Years. Years wasted. Years he'd casually thrown away, for what? For a relationship that probably wouldn't even last. 

 He turned to the empty foyer, looking at the empty space where his wife's shoes should be. She hadn't been back for almost two days and it was killing him. He knew she was angry but this was getting ridiculous. She should be here. She should be comforting him and wiping his tears away, instead she was God knows where because she couldn't stand to be in the same building as him. World's shortest marriage ever.

 He wasn't even sure how long he'd been crying; he lost track of time some ten sad songs ago. It was just him and his thoughts left to occupy the apartment and they were much easier to ignore when it wasn't silent. He buried his face into the side of the couch and cried his heart out. He cried until his eyes stung and his head felt like a construction site and then he kept crying.

 It was too much to deal with and he felt himself breaking inside. He just wanted to go back to when everything was okay and he was Eric of After School Club. It was too late, though. He would never be that again and the thought made him cry harder. 

 He was vaguely aware of a buzzing in his pants pocket and fumbled quickly for his phone, hoping perhaps it was her and he wouldn't have to be alone anymore. 

 He was only slightly disappointed when he saw the name.

From: Jackson Wang, 2:38 pm

good job hyung! It was a funny last episode, not as funny as mine but still (y)

 He almost laughed and typed out a short reply, drawing his nose across his sleeve.

To: Jackson Wang, 2:39 pm

thanks I guess. Your the first person to say anything so congratulations 

 It was sad but true. No one hand bothered to say a word to him yet. He had almost held onto a last sliver of hope before this that things could go back to the way they were. It was wishful thinking. Everyone knew he had quit and there was no going back now. He was stuck here.

 A buzz in his hand drew his attention again.

From: Jackson Wang, 2:41 pm

I LOVE being first! But seriously it was good and I'll miss you

 He was sad and moody and he couldn't stop himself from sharing that, apparently.

To: Jackson Wang, 2:42 pm

apparently your the only one :/

 He was honestly shocked with Jackson's response.

From: Jackson Wang, 2:43 pm

you're being silly hyung! Everyone loves you. You shouldn't feel this way, want me to come over and talk?

Come over and talk? Jackson had never once offered to come over; why now? He didn't have much time to contemplate it because less than thirty seconds after the first he received another text.

From: Jackson Wang, 2:43 pm

don't bother answering. I'm on my way. Don't make me wait and be ready for the door hyung!

 Oh. What had he just unintentionally agreed to?