A/N: Ok so I want to apologize because I am not really good on writing fanfiction right now. I want to do more for I can get better, but I hope you can enjoy anyways.

This will take place in the beginning so I would say when they started N.O. promotions, so about 2013. 

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I can't say when it exactly started. This feeling in my chest, but I Know that it wasn't as bad as this before. No it's not anything likea disease or anything like that. It's mentally. I don't want to admitIt...I can't admit it. I am an idol I need to look perfect, speak perfect, sing perfect, dance perfect, never mess up, act perfect, but in reality nobody can be perfect. People have problems. That's how we got here today me drowning in my own problems hoping someone will save me anyone. I don't want to be alone. As I am laying in the water with my arms bleeding the Scarlet liquid I think about what I have achieved my new family. Eight before I blackout I hear yells and banging. I feel someone holding me and I hears yells. Then...  Nothing.

1 Month Before 

I have been in the practice room for like 6 hours since the others left. It's is now 3AM, but I can't stop. I am not as good as the other members. I have to do well I am just a burden. As I start to slow down I look into the mirror. I revolute my time so far with them, the other memebers. I try I really do, but it feels like I have trouble I am the youngest memebers, but it still hurts when they look down on me. Well at least it seems like they are, but they are the best family I have ever had. I soon start dancing again because I have to keep going the fans aren't satisfied. Once I am done I head back to the dorms. When I get there I open the quietly hoping not to wake anyone up. When I go into the living room I see six faces of concern. "kookie where have you been. We have worried. Why didn't you call? Why didn't you come home on time?" The oldest huyng worried like a mother. "I'm really sorry hyung, but I was practicing a little more then I accidentlly fell asleep in the practice room. It won't happen again." I say with fake cheer, and hope my smile is believeable. It seems like it dose it with all, but one member. Everyone sighes content with my answer except Yoongi hyung.he just keep staring like he knew something I didn't. I hugged them, and wnt into my room. When I sat on my bed I looked at my phone. It's time I thought bitterly.

"Why is Jungkook even in the band he is horrible"

"jungkook is just running everyone down"

"if they don't succeed we all know it's cause of Jungkook he is too much of a baby"

"how is he supposed to be a dancer Singer and rapper he can't do any of that."

As I looked through the comments I knew they were right. I had not as much talent as everyone else I will always be the one bringing them down. I need to work harder than before. I HAVE to do better. This is my life the o ly think keeping me going. Hopefully it does get better. 

2 Weeks before incident 

This have become worse. I don't if I can deal with this anymore. All of it is getting to much. I can't tell the memebers because we already got everything going on we are at the end of promotions for N.O and we have the last stage prepared for this in three days I don't know how people handle all of this stress. I have decided to write in a journal. I need to put my feelings down somewhere.

Dear Journal,

I don't know how much more I am going to be able to handle all of this. It is starting to become all too much reality is hitting me in the face like a truck. How am I supposed tell anyone. I will become more of a burden then I already am. Everything would be so much better if my best friend was still here. I know i said I could still do it, but I am wondering if I actually am. Even if I do tell the others members how would they react I just don't know.

Love JK

We are just now about to go on stage for our last performance for almost a month and I am so nervous what if people don't like it. As we were performing everything was going great.....and then I almost fell. Holy what just happened. Did I just almost fall oh my god.   As we get off the stage the other memebers tried to make me feel better, but I had to look better for them I can't believe that this has to happen to me. Why can't anything go right.

Present 

I woke up to a beeping. Am I dead. It's like I can hear voices, but at the same time I am not able to open my eyes. After about 20 seconds I am able tonpry my eyes open. I look around the room to see all of my memebers looking gross, disheveled, and just bad. Did I do this. I can't help myself but to cry. All of my emotions are just building up and I can't take it anymore. Hearing my has got the attention of everyone in the room. "Oh my god kookie why did you do this. We all love you so much. You should have talked to us.". Jin hyung cried into my sholdure. " I didn't want to be anymore of a burden than I already am." I mumbled not wanting them to necessarily here me say that. "Aw Jungkook honey we live you so much. You are my best friend I would have been devastated if you actually left me." Jimin hyung cried on the chair beside me. "I just feel so alone. I am not great in anything. I just couldn't deal with anything." I cried. After a minute I felt six pairs of arms around me, and at this point in time since awhile I felt actually loved. I realised what stupid mistake I made, and how much I would have regretted it.