There’s a lot of thinking-to-yourself / internal conversation stuff. It’s all marked with italics to make it as clear as possible.

 

Jinhwan notices the shift at four in the morning. He stirs awake, groggy and content to fall right back asleep because, based on the blackness seeping in through the window, it’s way too early to be awake. He reaches out blindly for his phone, remembering that he threw it somewhere on the dresser before bed. After the third try, he manages to grab it successfully then presses the lock button so that the LED face lights up the room. 4:06AM. With a groan he tosses the phone back onto the shelf and rolls over to face the other side of the bed. He scooches forward, arm outreached and searching for your sleeping frame. It comes up empty. At this he sits up to look around the room and, with a pout, confirms that you’re nowhere in sight. That’s weird. Rubbing his eyes, Jinhwan throws the blanket off of himself and places two bare feet on the warm, carpeted floor. “Baby?” he calls, still a bit dazed from waking up in your absence. Only silence answers. Its roughly ten steps to the door and another thirty or so down to the lower floor. It’s just as dark down here as upstairs so Jinhwan has to blindly feel along the side wall until he reaches the light switch. The empty living room has him a little on edge, but he tries to shake off the feeling. He wanders around for a minute before the light spilling from underneath the bathroom door catches his eye, the dull yellow light shining across the floor. A smile subconsciously pulls at his lips as he makes his way down the hallway; he raises a hand to knock against the wood, but freezes when he hears a quiet sob.

 

He picks up the sound of talking and he knows it’s wrong but something's got you upset and Jinhwan wants to know what. From where his ear is now glued to the door, he listens intently and tries to decipher the soft murmur of your voice. Whatever you’re saying is in English (he barely catches the ‘yes’ and ‘I don’t know’ so he assumes as much) and whoever you’re talking to is screaming across the line. Another broken sob floats under the door and the pain laced in the pathetic whimper makes his heart ache. Jinhwan’s at a loss. On one hand he wants to barge in and comfort you, but on the other he feels as if it isn’t his place to interrupt whatever exchange is taking place. He resolves to forget what he’s overhead before taking a careful step in the opposite direction; he’s only managed to get a few paces away when- “Okay, good night. I- I love you too, oppa.” His movements come to a screeching halt as he struggles to comprehend the strings of foreign words; his heart rate starts to pick up once he’s decoded it. She loves… loves as in…? Jinhwan’s mouth drops open. No. No way. Y/N would never do that... But then who is she talking to this early in the morning? It sounded like a man… she called him oppa too… No. No no no no no no no. It doesn’t make sense, it can’t make sense because Jinhwan knows for a fact that you love him just as much as he loves you… or at least that’s what he wants to believe. It also dawns on him that you bided whoever you were talking to a ‘good night,’ so you’re likely to emerge from the bathroom any second. He turns on his heel and continues on his way to the bedroom, all the way whiling away the sinking feeling in his gut.

 

There’s no way. Jinhwan lays in the dark bedroom, eyes locked on the clock as he waits for you to return to bed. The minutes tick by and soon it’s been an hour since he snuck back upstairs after overhearing you on the phone. In that time he takes a mental inventory of your relationship, desperate to assure himself he’s overreacting and that he has no reason to be freaking out. Despite having a tight schedule, Jinhwan finds time to come home at least three nights a week and makes sure that on the nights he can’t he texts or calls to let you know. He never misses a chance to tell you how beautiful you are or how much he loves you, he surprises you with flowers, and, as often as possible, steals you away for secret dates. He’s not one to brag, but he strives to be an amazing boyfriend; up until tonight, he thought you considered him your amazing boyfriend. He rolls over with a huff, rubs at his eyes to stop the boiling tears from spilling. Ya, calm down Jinhwan. Y/N would never. The pillow on your side of the bed carries your subtle scent and the smell is relaxing to Jinhwan who pulls it closer and cuddles it against his chest. With closed eyes and a deep breath he commits the fragrance to memory. That night he dreams of you sleeping in his arms.

 

-

 

The next morning (which is actually the same morning but at a more decent hour) Jinhwan wakes up to the same empty bed. This time, rather than letting it bother him like he had earlier, he gets up with a smile. He plans on making breakfast for you both - he’s a pretty okay cook and he knows you love it when he goes out of his way to do this sort of thing. Downstairs the morning sun pours in through the tall windows, painting everything in shades of yellow. Jinhwan feels warm. “Preheat the oven to 350...” He mumbles under his breath as he works, trying to keep track of all the white powders he throws into the bowl. “Salt and then baking powder… Wait, no. It’s baking soda… Or was it powder?” Both ingredients end up making their way into the batter along with a slew of other things that probably have no place being there. This’ll be interesting… The scraping sound of keys at the door makes Jinhwan’s heart rate speed up. The muffins have had time to cool down now (more than enough time because he’s been sitting at the counter waiting for hours) and he’s excited to have you taste them. But for some reason he’s nervous too and he catches himself clearing his throat and running jittery fingers through dyed hair.

 

The first thing that strikes you as you walk through the door is the smell. No, strike isn’t a strong enough word - the stench punches you in the throat and sends you hunching over with a gag. Jinhwan misses the entire scene, busy trying to choose the prettiest muffin before he makes his way down the hallway with it. “Baby, look!” He grins proudly, “I made these f-for… you…” his smile falters as you carve a path around him, side dragging along the wall as you try to stay as far away as possible. “B-baby?” The same lump from last night gets stuck halfway down his throat and he chokes on his words. Did he work all morning for this? You disappear into the bathroom; Jinhwan trudges back into the kitchen. She didn’t even try it. He frowns down at the muffin then takes a frustrated bite. So it’s a little salty; she acted like it was toxic. He sighs and points an accusatory finger at the pan. “Stupid-” jab “Stupid-” jab “Muffin.”

 

-

 

You’ve been locked in the restroom for the past half an hour emptying your stomach into the toilet. This . Other than gaining fifteen pounds in the last month, getting strange cravings at four in the morning, and vomiting up 90% of what you can manage to choke down, being pregnant has been peachy. The only thing that’s made it bearable is knowing that the little monster currently kicking your esophagus is Jinhwan’s baby.  

 

Finding out was, in all honesty, devastating and you’re still a bit shell-shocked. You and Jinhwan have been dating for three years now, yet in the two years or so that you’ve been sleeping together, you’ve never had a pregnancy scare. Last month, as you left the hospital with a prescription for prenatals, it dawned on you that holy this is actually happening. Your mom, naturally, is the first to know. She hangs up the first time, then calls back only to hang up in disbelief, then calls back to yell and hang up again. She’s livid, angrier than you’ve ever heard her, but after hours on the phone discussing the situation, she calms down to a light simmer. At the end of the day, she’s happy that she’ll have a grandchild to spoil, even if it’s a bit earlier than she expected. The hardest part about being pregnant is keeping it a secret from Jinhwan - he’s cuddly and his hands wander and he likes rough . He knows you well enough to be able to pick up on the changes in your body and it’s not something you want to risk. It’s for his own good. You don’t plan on keeping it a secret forever, you just want the news to be announced at the right time, ie definitely not when he’s busy with work.

 

The soft whirl of flushing water marks the end of the fourth face-to-toilet session of the day. Peachy indeed. Out in the living room you spot Jinhwan stretched across the sofa staring blankly at the television. You feel bad for running away from him earlier, but before you can offer an apology, the same churning in your stomach starts up again. Swerving, you make for the stairs rather than the sulking figure on the couch. Next time.  

 

-

 

It’s been two weeks and every night Jinhwan’s been home, he’s woken up to and empty bed. He glances over with a forlorn expression and prays that you’re somewhere downstairs and not out of the house like you’d been the last few times. It’s 4:17 in the morning, but he shakes the tiredness off easily as he makes his way downstairs in search of you. His heart sinks when he sees that your shoes are missing from the front entrance. Am I losing her? Just then Jinhwan realizes that it’s been over a month since he’s had you under him, been even longer than a month if he only considers the last time you initiated things. He deflates at this thought because Oh my god, I’m really losing her. And in his head it all adds up - the evasiveness, the lack of contact, the sneaking out… There’s someone else; she’s cheating on me. Beeping brings his eyes back into focus (he didn’t notice he’d spaced out) and they watch carefully as you slink into the house shaking off an umbrella. He wants to be mad, he’s surely upset, but he’s more relieved that you came home in favor of whoever it is he suspects you’ve been seeing.

 

“Where were you?” His tone is as cold as he can manage seeing as he’s fighting the urge to go fall into place by your side like the obedient puppy he’s always been. Jinhwan she’s cheating on you. Stop being her for long enough to face the truth. You continue moving through the room as if you didn’t hear him. He clears his throat and, praying his voice won’t crack, speaks up, “It’s a little early to be out, don’t you think?”

 

“The store.” You sit down at the table with a plop, tossing the grocery bag onto the table as if it wasn’t blatantly clear. “And no, I don’t think it’s too early.” It’s short and blunt and screams of happy? now leave me alone.

 

He looks unconvinced as he crosses his arms across his chest and shifts his weight to one foot. “That’s all?” He asks smugly, “You didn’t go anywhere else tonight?” It’s a simple question, but for some reason it rubs you the wrong way. It feels as if you’re being questioned for having done something wrong and the underlying question is an accusation.

 

“Yes. That’s all.” You stand to walk into the other room, but he immediately side steps and blocks your exit.

 

“Y/N.”

 

“I already told you,” you snap, patience slipping. Standing is getting difficult as the same dizziness that’s been plaguing you all week flares back up. “I went to the store. End of story.” You step sideways, but he does the same. “Jinhwan I don’t have time for you right now, please move.” The cruelness of your words barely registers with you though the make Jinhwan flinch away. It’s enough to get him off of your back and you feel a little guilty that it also makes you feel relieved. Upstairs you trudge into the bedroom then fall down on the plush mattress. Curling up into a little ball, you hope to fall asleep for a few hours since the baby has made it almost impossible to sleep at night. A half an hour passes and you’re just about to nod off when a toned arm pulls you backward into a warm chest.   

 

“Baby, I miss you.” Jinhwan can’t help the way his voice cracks nor the hot tears that make their way down his face. “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry, baby. I-” a small sob bubbles from his lips and he buries his face in the folds of your shirt, “I’m so so sorry.” And it finally dawns on you that keeping this secret is hurting Jinhwan more than it’s protecting him. “Whoever he is, he doesn’t know you like I do, he can’t be- he doesn’t-” With a jerk Jinhwan pulls you roughly around to face him, body surging forward, mouth searching for yours. The force behind the kiss is strong enough to bruise your lips and with it comes Jinhwan’s crushing embrace. “Please don’t leave me,” he mumbles into your mouth, “Please.”

 

“I’m not-” you pull back to look at the other. He thinks you’re cheating on him. “There’s never been anyone else and there won’t ever be, Jinhwan.”

 

His watery eyes stare blankly back into yours, “But you’re hiding something from me. I can tell you’re hiding something.”

 

Where do you even begin? “I- There is something I’m keeping from you but I’m not sure if now is the right time to tell you.”

 

“Just say it,” he curls himself tighter around your body, “I can take it. Tell me.”

 

A heavy sigh, “When’s the last time I slept all the way through the night? The last time we ate together? The last time we had ?” Jinhwan’s blush is hot against your face.

 

“It’s been a while…”
 

“And” you huff, a little annoyed, “apparently you thought it was because I was busy with someone else.”

 

“W-well why else would you be avoiding me? This is the longest we’ve talked in a long time and the first time you’ve let me touch you this month.”

 

“And that means I’m seeing someone else?”

 

He pouts, “Okay, that wasn’t fair of me… But you’re really not cheating on me?”

 

A warm hand traces along his jawline and cups his cheek, “No, baby. I would never.”

 

“But I don’t understand.” His head is starting to hurt, “Why are you pushing me away?”

 

With a sad smile you pull his hands into yours and squeeze lightly, “Because I don’t want to lose you either.”

 

“What-”

 

“I’m pregnant, Jinhwan,” you cut across, voice shaky. “T-three months pregnant to be exact. She’s yours.” And out of all the ways you imagined him reacting to the news, all the ways you imagined him blowing up, kicking you out, begging you to say it was just a sick joke, you never anticipated his response.

 

“We’re having a girl?”a small smile makes its way to his lips.

 

Your mouth opens and closes like a fish, “Y-yes but-”

 

“A baby girl?” He’s smiling widely now, even teeth peeking out from behind his thin lips.

 

“Yeaaaah, but I don’t think you understand what I’m saying, Jinhwan. I’m-”

 

“Pregnant. You’re pregnant and it’s my baby and we’re having a girl.” He’s gushing. “That’s your secret?”

 

“Yeah.” This feels kind of anticlimactic. “And you’re not, I don’t know, freaking out? Normal people would freak out.”

 

“I’m sure that’ll come later,” Happy. Jinhwan is so so happy. “But as of right now, no, I’m good. Really good.”

 

“Good?”

 

“So the distance was to keep me from figuring it out?”

 

You’re still struggling to get a read on the other. “Basically,” you nod, “I was afraid you’d notice how little I eat or that I get tired way easier or that I’ve gotten fat.”

 

“Ya,” he chides, “You’re beautiful no matter what you weigh, baby.”

 

“Okay, but what the , Jinhwan?? You’re supposed to flip your not start planning out her room.”

 

He smiles and squeezes you tighter “What? You’d rather I got mad?”

 

“Well, no…”

 

“And her room is going to be a castle, I know exactly what it’s going to look like already plus where to buy the best princess dresses.”

 

“Wait, what?” Your confused response sparks laughter, first a snort, then a chuckle, then Jinhwan is rolling around the bed laughing like an idiot, poking at your sides until your laughing just as hard as he is. “I’m gonna be a dad.” Reaching out he takes your hands in his, “We’re gonna be parents. Wow.”

 

“Wow,” you repeat. The two of you lay in silence for a while, fingers interlaced and hands pressed tightly together. There’s more hard times ahead, more people to tell, more judgment to face, but at the end of the day, you know Jinhwan will be laying there right beside you. “I love you, Jinhwan, so so much.”

 

“I love you too,” he smiles then runs a palm over your abdomen, “Both of you.”

 

-

 

A/N

I have so much work to do and another story to update, but when this idea came to me I couldn’t resist. I’ve been having major Jinhwan feels so here you go :D

 

 

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