Seungri stands behind a wooden gate, greeting people as he allows them through to see portions of the homegrown garden. He greets an elderly couple, then he spots him. Standing there smug and sure, Seungri couldn’t believe it. Behind him was Jiyong and Seunghyun, looking like the world revolved around them. Seungri was about to let him in, but decides to remind the young man.

“Remember, no smoking.”

The young man smiles, something Seungri takes as a sign of agreement, and passes through the open gates. Seungri smiles to himself and continues to greet people and let them through.

But soon a familiar smell chokes Seungri, making him turn around and search the area. No one was smoking, good. He turns back around and jumps when he sees the man standing in front of him, holding a cigarette. “Hey I thought I said no smoking?”

The man takes the cig out of his mouth and raises and eyebrow. “Oh, this?” He smirks and throws the cig onto a flower bed. “Oops, my bad. Have a nice day.” Seungri watches the man walk away, completely oblivious to his garden burning behind him.

The smell of his garden burning is enough to wake him up.

Seungri slowly opens his eyes and looks around his room. Nothing was out the ordinary except for a note stating that Seungri was needed at YG’s office in about an hour. Seungri sighs and rolls out of bed.

With shaking hands, Seungri pushes open the door to the CEO’s office. The air is thick, and Seungri knows what is going to happen, he knows. When he sees his boss’ facial expression, he knows that it is the end for Seungri. There is no light, just the natural light coming through the windows, and it makes his boss look even scarier.

Seungri sighs and swallows the lump in his throat. He walks in and closes the door behind him. His boss motions for Seungri to come closer. Seungri does and he sits in a grey armchair placed in front of YG’s desk. He doesn’t look at his boss as he speaks.

“So you called for me?” His voice was rough and weak. YG nods and folds his hands together.

“I understand that you and Jiyong are no longer together, and that you’ve had a troubling past month.” YG speaks, his words making Seungri more and more nervous. Seungri nods and fiddles his thumbs. “Because of those two things, and the fact that you refuse therapy, I am left with no other choice Seungri.” Seungri’s eyes widen and he looks at YG, silently pleading for him to stop whatever he was doing.

“Please don’t do this, I will do better.” Seungri pleads.

YG sighs and hands Seungri an envelope. “I’m so sorry, Seungri. I need to think of your mental health and how being stressed will affect it. Being in BigBang could be very destructive towards you and your road to recovery. I will, however, give you a week to finalize and say your goodbyes. I sincerely hope, Seungri, that you take your recovery more seriously.” Seungri could feel the tears in his eyes. He bites his finger, looks at the envelope, and then bursts out in tears. He just couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t.

“You are dismissed.”

Seungri gets up and stuffs the envelope in his pocket. He whispers a goodbye before leaving the room. The room where everything began and ended for Seungri. He takes one last look at the closed door behind him. This is truly it. My life is over now. Seungri thinks.

When Seungri gets back to wherever he was supposed to be, maybe it was the dorm or Daesung’s home, he can’t remember. He finds himself wondering if surviving was even worth it. Seungri wonders if wishing for the next day to come was his first mistake. Maybe it was when he decided to force his way into BigBang, maybe he should’ve just let it be. Maybe he should’ve stayed home with his mother that day.

Maybe he should’ve just died in the hospital.

He walks into the dorm room, slamming the door shut behind him. No one else was there, which Seungri was thankful for. He couldn’t take another session with Daesung. Seungri takes off his shoes, flinging them into a corner where they will sit until he needs them again.

Seungri feels just like his shoes, except he will never be needed again. He feels a new rush of tears, which makes him run to his room to hide, then pack up everything again. He falls onto his bed and cries. No words can described how lost and ridden with despair Seungri had become. But one could try and give an example.

It was like a test of endurance. From the beginning Seungri had endured training, life at home, Jiyong, and the struggle of getting into BigBang. He endured the man who kidnapped him, and now he has to endure living with a broken dream and heart. How much more will he have to endure before he will be given a break? Seungri felt like a bystander, watching through the fence as the person he wanted to be was shot mercilessly. He could feel the pain and the way he hit the ground. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could change. But was he dead? Sure felt like it.

On this gloomy Sunday, Seungri was sure his time was of no value. He looks around the room at all the faces he knows, Youngbae, Daesung, Seunghyun, and Jiyong. He watches as their faces slowly contort to those of pain. A song is playing in the background as all this happens. It is a morbid song, and reminds Seungri of a horror movie. He leans back in the armchair, listening to the begging and pleading from the one member who still cares. It was Daesung, who had become frantic and started to pleading for Seungri to be given one more chance, but even he realized that this was for Seungri’s own good. For a moment, Seungri pretends that he is at home, no longer in YG’s office. But he wasn’t in a house or an apartment or in anyone’s arms, he was in a field of gold. He reaches down and plucks one of the many golden flowers that grew in that field. It was radiant and happy before, but now that it has been plucked the flower is slowly dying. Everyone will oogle and adore that flower until they realize that it is dead. Then they will throw it away like the rest. Seungri decides to place this flower in his suit pocket. He continues walking through the field, soon reaching a clearing where the flowers would not grow. The ground went from grass, to dirt, then to sand. The view of a golden field was replaced with a view of roaring waves and cloudy skies. It was windy, so Seungri made sure to secure his flower so that it wouldn’t blow away. He closes his eyes and promises to never let go of the flower. When he opens them again, everything is calm and gentle. His flower is still in his hand. Seungri smiles.

He hears voices behind him, so he turns around. His heart swells with joy as he sees his mother walking towards him. He runs over to her and engulfs her into a loving hug. She smiles and hugs her son back. “Oh my son, I have missed you so much.” She says with tears in her eyes. Seungri smiles even bigger and wipes away a few stray tears that left him. Seungri opens his mouth to say something, but the sky slowly started to fade. He hands his mother the flower and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, he is back in YG’s office.

Everyone is leaving, so Seungri follows. Nobody speaks in the hallway or on the ride back to the dorms. It was like Seungri was a dead man, nobody spoke in fear of disturbing the silence. No one knew what to do or how to react, so silence seemed like the last resort. But the silence that was supposed to be comforting only added more toxins into Seungri’s prison. His own personal cell of silence. 

A/N: Since I have decided to be nice, I have made two alternate chapters. This one, "zwolf", was just a filler/this is Seungri's life now. Now in mention of those two chapters, one will be a happy ending and one will be a sad ending. The happy ending will last for a few chapters while the sad ending will only have 1 chapter. You will be able to tell the difference between the two from the titles. One the sad one, I will put: "ALTERNATE ENDING #1" and on the happy one it will be: "ALTERNATE ENDING #2". Please be patient for these two endings though, since I am busy this week and I have finals next week. Expect for the next updates to be around the end of May. 

Also, Johnny and Ten from NCT (or is it NCT-U?) are adorable. Like, really freaking adorable. You might be thinking, "Why doesn't she think Ten and Taeyong are adorable or Johnny and Mark?" Well... reasons. Everyone is equally adorable until Ten walks into the room and stirs the giant pot sitting in the corner. 

Sorry for rambling,

Gooseylucy