He didn't know when it started coming, the petals. He'd just known that one night, when he woke up and went to the toilet because he felt sick, that instead of vomiting he coughed up three flower petals, small and purple, onto his hand. He should've expected it, really.

He knew what this meant, knew that he should've told someone because it could get dangerous. Instead he left it, because it was just a small crush, it could go away, right?

Flushing his shame down the toilet, he padded his way down the hall and but into his room, ready to sleep his problems away.

.

It didn't go away. It didn't go away for a long, long time, and soon Jimin started suspecting that it wouldn't go away at all. 

Not the next day, or the day after, or the day after that. It never went away.

Every time he looked at Yoongi his heart hurt, and he felt the small, purple petals claw at his throat, ready to come out. They soon increased in number, going from a small, measly three to a lot. Or at least, it looked like a lot. He didn't want to count.

The morning after the first time it happened he found out what flower they came from - lilacs. Jimin learnt the meaning, as well. Either "early love" or "first love," he couldn't quite remember, but they basically the same thing, right?

Right.

He reassured himself this everytime he flushed the toilet, water littered with purple.

.

Unsurprisingly, Jimin was soon caught in the act. Surprisingly, it was Jungkook who found him. He found him in the bathroom, spilling his heart into his hands in from of the toilet bowl.

"Kookie," Jimin rasped out, trying to hide the petals behind his back, face flushed and eyes teary. 

"Jimin," Jungkook seemed disgusted. "Hyung, what's going on?"

Jimin felt so, so small. Smaller than usual, anyway. "N-nothing, kookie, just please go away I'm busy right now-"

"That's bull, hyung." There it was - the disappointment in his voice that made Jimin want to curl up and disappear. "Who is it, hyung? Who is it?"

Jimin didn't answer. Silence soon fell between them. Jungkook just pulled him into his chest, and the warmth of the younger male made Jimin want to cry, so he did.

"Please," he sobbed into the younger males chest, hands coming out from behind his chest to hide his face. It felt like there was a stack of bricks on his chest or something, because everytime he breathed he just made a lot of ugly sounds and still got no air. "P-please just don't ask, Jungkook, please don't, I'm-I'm not ready, I'm not-"

Jungkook just pulled him closer. "I won't make you say anything, hyung," he buried his face in the crook of Jimin's head and pet him soothingly. "Just, please don't keep doing this, okay? At least tell the others, or get the surgery. Nobody will judge you for this, hyung."

Jimin nodded, but everything Jungkook said felt like a lie. Of course he would be judged.  He decided to fall in love with Min Yoongi, after all.

.

It turns out that he didn't have to tell any of the others, because only a few days after his encounter with Jungkook (that meant a few days of coddling and protecting from the maknae, because apparently coughing up flowers meant that he was a delicate baby meant to be protected, whoch he was not, by the way), he ended up retching in front of everybody else, anyways.

And now here he was, feeling like an idiot infront of his friends, as he cried on his knees and tried to scoop up the petals that fell from his lips just moments before.

"Jiminie," Jin said, voice soothing and hands warm and Jimin wanted to be small again, to just be carried around by his mother and only worry about when the next Power Rangers episode came out. Jin rubbed small circles on his back, trying to calm down his frantic breathing. "Jiminie, please calm down, none of us are mad, please calm down."

Namjoon nodded, trying to use the same tone as Jin. He wasn't as good. "We're really not mad, Jimin. Just please tell us who this is, because we don't want to see you like this anymore."

Jungkook and Taehyung and Hoseok all tried the same tactics. It worked.

"We're not mad?" Yoongi questioned, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. "Maybe you're not mad, Namjoon, but I'm positive that I'm ing pissed. Who is it, Jimin? Who is this ?"

Jimin just sobbed harder, trying to cover his face with his arms and hands. He was lead to the couch by Taehyung and Jin, and he immediately curled up into a ball.

"Hyung," the pink haired boy warned, voice stern. "Hyung, you're not helping."

Jin spoke up. "Yoongi, I think you should go calm down."

Yoongi made a face, making a show before he stomped off and slammed the door to his room closed.

"Jiminie," Taehyung whispered in his ear, arms wrapping around his best friend. "Please tell us who it is."

Jimin shook his head. "I can't." he wet his lips with his tongue. "I can't."

"Why not, Jimin?" 

He looked up at the closed door, and back up at everyone else. "I can't."

But by then, everyone already knew what he meant.

.

It didn't take long for Yoongi to calm down, but it did take him long to talk to Jimin again.

"Jimin, I'm sorry." he had said, and grabbed his hands with his own.

Swallowing down the petals, he shrugged. "It's okay, hyung."

The mint haired boy shook his head. "No, it really isn't."

And then he kissed him, and Jimin felt like melting. But he pushed away.

"Hyung," he forced out. "I know you don't like me. I have eyes, hyung, and I know how you look at Hoseok-hyung. Please don't do this to me." Or you, he wanted to say, but he kept that to himself.

"Jimin," hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer. "Jimin, Hoseok and I - we're not like that. We're just friends. I don't like him, I like you. Just let me kiss you, please, let me kiss you."

What a bunch of bull. He let himself be kissed, anyways.

And for a while, the funny feeling in his chest went away.

.

Jimin was happy. He and Yoongi - they were happy together, he liked to think.

Soon, they had moved in together. Two beds became one, and Jimin made sure that every morning Yoongi woke up to breakfast and his usual coffee, and every night Yoongi made sure that Jimin went to sleep comfortably and not sweaty from dance practice. It was nice, and it made him happy. It made him very happy.

So what Jimin didn't expect was to wake up early in the morning, ready to make his boyfriend breakfast only to find out that he wasn't there and the bed was cold. He moved a hand to pat around for any sign of his boyfriend, only to pick up something small, smoothe and soft. It felt familiar, and when he moved closer to inspect it they were- oh.

They were flower petals, bright and yellow. 

They were petals, but they weren't his.

Jimin felt like retching.

.

thank you for reading!!