He figured he shouldn’t have been surprised that he fell in love with her.

What’s not to love anyway?

Their friendship was something he likewise did not expect to actually happen, aloof and introverted as he was, the exact opposite of who he eventually discovered her to be. She had friends of her own, he had his, and by some miracle of the universe, she’d taken it upon herself to reach out and befriend him. It really was something that caught him off-guard, despite the fact that he was admittedly attracted to her. There, he said it. She really was beautiful.

It was a friendship that took time, he mused, partly because they pretty much did live separate lies that crossed every now and then mostly due to her efforts. The other part, well, was his own doing, aloof and introverted and just plain awkward as he was. He’d half-expected her to lose patience and deem him no longer worth her time and effort. But he didn’t know any better than that then.

She really did make a great friend. Charming. Funny. Carefree. Always had a lot of stories to share. It didn’t hurt too that she had a smile so great that it was contagious. He always found himself laughing and smiling more times that he could count when he was with her. Hell, he always found himself laughing and smiling just because she was. It went without saying that she made him happy and so he’d always do his best to return her efforts, to be the kind of friend she truly deserved.

That’s where the complications began the moment he realized he’d fallen for her.

He figured he shouldn’t have been surprised that he fell in love with her because attraction, in general, was something that could bloom into something so much more. The more he got to know her, the more hours he spent with her, the more he just fell for her. And that was such a damning thing because he couldn’t say with all certainty that she felt the same way. What if she was just being really nice and friendly? There were so many others out there, right? Many others more handsome, more interesting, more compatible to her. Self-doubt surely knew the right time to rear its ugly head in and it was something that he wasn’t sure he knew how to deal with.

I love you, he wanted to tell her.

But what if she really didn’t feel the same way? He wasn’t ready to lose the friendship. He wasn’t ready to lose her. He would never want to lose her by opening his big mouth and straining things between them but telling her how he felt. So there really was just one option – keep his mouth shut. He’d be content with that. He needed to be content with that. Sure, there were times that his feelings for her felt like it wanted to literally claw its way out of him. But he’d rather bear that in silence than have to bear losing her.

“Why don’t you just ask her?” The annoyance in his best friend’s tone caused him to snap out of his thoughts.

Where was he again?

The familiar scent of alcohol. Dim lighting. The suffocating stench unique to cigarettes.

Ah, beer night.

“I’m sorry, what?”

 “Don’t play dumb with me, Shim.” Cho Kyuhyun shot him a pointed look from across the booth. “You know what.”

He let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s not that easy.”

“It actually is. You’re just complicating it.”

A scowl crossed his face. “You just don’t understand.”

“Then make us understand.” Im Yoona spoke from Kyuhyun’s right before he could say anything in reply, smiling encouragingly at her friend in a way that reminded him of a mother telling her son to go face his fear. How apt. “You know you can tell us anything, Changmin. We’re your friends.”

Friends. They sure knew how to try and get their way.

He was sorely tempted to divert the attention to Kyuhyun and Yoona themselves, whom he fondly referred to as the pair-who’ll-probably-end-up-together-at-the-end-once-they-stop-getting-distracted-by-other-people. But a part of him conceded that he needed and wanted their advice and was going to have swallow any smart mouthed comments while they gave him the words of wisdom he was sure they were itching to give. But before he could really do either, the lone silent person in their booth finally spoke up, much to his delight, in his defense.

“How do you even ask?” Lee Jonghyun traced the rim of his beer bottle with his finger absently. “’Do you like me?’ Like that? It’s really not that simple.”

Yoona shot him a sympathetic look. They all knew Jonghyun was having his fair share of romance issues as of late. But Kyuhyun, ever the objected and the no-time-for-bull one, merely shrugged and said, “Yeah, why not? Honest and straightforward.”

Changmin snorted. “I’ll probably scare her away.”

“Have you ever considered that she might actually feel the same way you do?” Yoona asked. “That she’s just waiting for you to make the first move?”

“How sure are we that she even feels the same way?” Jonghyun asked in reply. “It’s okay for Changmin to be scared of risking so much, you know.”

“I’m okay with how things are between us now.” Changmin was silent for a moment. “Generally.”

Kyuhyun arched an eyebrow. “Will you always be okay with that?”

“Maybe.” His shoulder slumped as he reached for his beer and took a long swig. “I don’t know.”

“Min… you have every reason to be scared. Unlike what this idiot beside me claims, it really isn’t that easy.” Yoona smiled innocently at Kyuhyun when he made a face at her. “But I guess you’ll never really know unless you try, Min. Give yourself a chance to be happy.”

“But what if I’m right? About her not feeling the same way? The moment I tell her, everything’s gonna change…” Changmin shook his head. “I’d rather be her friend than nothing at all.”

“I think you’re underestimating her.” She smiled. “You’ve know her for how many years now? I don’t know her as well as you do but I’m pretty sure that she’s not going to turn into some . Everything’s gonna be different, yeah, but I’m sure she’ll try just as hard to keep you in her life just as you will.”

“But let’s just say–”

“If… If.” Kyuhyun stressed the word. “If worst case scenario happens, let me be the first to tell you. You deserve better.”

“I love her.” He whispered. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t. It would’ve been easier.”

“But life wouldn’t be fun that way, would it?” His best friend smirked slightly. “Now in the very, very off chance that she turns into some heartless , I solemnly swear that I’ll pay for ever beer you consume until you get over her. Deal?”

“Hey!” Jonghyun sat up in his seat. “I have girl problems too! Why aren’t you offering to buy me beer?”

“Buy your own.”

“You cheapskate bastard.”

Changmin laughed. Beer nights always made him feel better.

~*~*~*~*~*~

He decided sometime later to keep his distance from her. Nothing too extreme that she would notice and end ruin the friendship that they had but just enough that he could think. He needed to clear his head and he wanted too to see if distance really did make the heart grow fonder or if all these feelings were just a result of spending so much time with her and would disappear once that was lessened. But like a moth to a flame, he found himself finding his way back to her.

“I hope I’m not keeping you from anything.” She smiled apologetically as they entered the park they often frequented.

He easily waved off the apology. “I was actually really bored at home.”

An easy grin that made his heart stop for a moment made its way to her lips. “We can be bored together.”

“Yeah, well… you’re not the worst company in the world, Sooyoung.” He teased, grinning himself when he saw the mirth in her eyes.

“So what have you been up to lately?” She asked as they walked past tree after tree. “You seem busy.”

There was a stutter in his stride. He was wrong. She noticed. “It’s hard being an adult.” He offered lamely, not wanting to outright lie to her but not wanting to tell her the truth either.

The mirth grew more pronounced. “This coming from Peter Pan himself?”

“Hey!” He protested in mock indignation. “I’ve grown up a lot, thank you very much.”

“Grown up a lot to make you an adult but enough to still be the Changmin everyone knows.” She looked at him from the corner of her eye. “I know. I was there along the way.”

“Yeah.” He sobered up at that. “You were.”

They fell silent after that, content to merely look around and appreciate their surroundings. Well, it was more of him watching her appreciate their surroundings, but he did his best not to be so obvious about it. There was this certain kind of innocence and simplicity about her that captivated him. She was always eager to experience and to make memories, stopping every now and then to get a better view at the flowers at the sides or to point out a funny looking cloud to him amongst the many that grace the late afternoon sky. They passed by the greens and browns of the trees and the yellows and pinks and purples of the flowers and he couldn’t help but wonder why he’d never appreciated these as much before. Simple things, he mused, made special and beautiful by her.

He regarded her then as she stopped once more to look at another bunch of flowers. There was nothing special about how she was dressed that day. She was merely in a tank top, a pair of jeans and flats with her chocolate brown locks left down and slightly tousled by the wind. And yet she looked beautiful to him.

And so he took a leap of faith.

“By the way, you look beautiful.”

She’d straightened up at the compliment and he saw the surprise clearly register on her face. It made him feel awful because he knew that the surprise meant that it was something that he didn’t say enough no matter how true it always was. A part of him began to panic then, worrying that he’d make things awkward between them. But then she smiled a smile that made it seem like the afternoon sun was back up high in the sky and all his worried melted away. “Thank you.” Her cheeks tinged pink. “You look great too.”

They continued walking then and few words passed between them as they went. Every now and then his hand would brush against hers and he wanted nothing more than to reach out, hold her hand, intertwine their fingers and never let go. But the day was going great enough as is – it was rather special, if he may say so himself, for he will never forget that smile on her face when he told her she looked beautiful – and he wouldn’t dare ruin it by scaring her away. But he couldn’t help but think about how it all seemed like a perfect setting, like the ones in the romance novels he knew she liked to real. Two people, a girl with chocolate brown hair and sparkling eyes and an awkward boy with raven hair, walking off to the sunset hand in hand towards happily ever after. That was how he’d put it if he was a writer, he mused. The wind was pleasant, the afternoon sun warm as it kissed their skin, the flowers looking like rainbows along their path. And then the boy would turn just as the wind flew by to whisper to her…

“I love you.”

He snapped out of his daydream with a start the moment he realized what he’d done. He’d quite literally thought out loud.

Someone please shoot him now.

The nerves began to tingle within him and he could feel his heart hammering almost painfully in his chest. He slowly turned to her, hoping with everything he had that she hadn’t heard the words that were as true as they were hidden.

The look on her face told him all he needed to know.