Ryeowook scrolled down his newsfeed out of boredom. It’s another lazy afternoon and he doesn’t have anything to do but to lie down on his bed and stare at his phone.  His life has been a series of repeat these past few years – sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat, work. His friends ask him to try and have fun with them by going into bars and partying but he isn’t that type of person.

He wants to live his life but it seems like something is still holding him back from being completely happy, completely contented. If someone asks him if he is currently happy with his life he would lying to himself saying yes he is.

Have you ever felt so empty that only think that you’re just trying to survive day by day without really living at all? He is not depressed. No he refused to claim it. Nor his friends. It’s just the lack of inspiration that affects him.

His friends also tried to set him up in numerous blind dates but nobody had worked out. ‘You can’t move on with him isn’t it?’ Henry concludes when he caught Ryeowook stalking the facebook account of his ex lover.

Occasionally, Kyuhyun would slip back to his life by appearing on his newsfeed through their mutual friends. And here Ryeowook finds himself clicking his name that leads him to stalking his account. Yes, they call Ryeowook stalking Kyuhyun since the two aren’t friends anymore. Not only in facebook but in real life. The two had lost their communication ever since they separated ways. Ryeowook could only get a glimpse of Kyuhyun’s life through their classmates’ way back in high school when they mention him.

“I heard you two broke up. Why? I was rooting for you two!”

“You were such a lovely couple in our school days! What happened?”

“Hey! But I was waiting for your wedding invitation to come at my doorsteps!”

“Did he cheat on you? That jerk! I will kick his groin when I see him,”

Every time a former classmate would ask him about him, Ryeowook would fake a smile and say ‘we just out grew each other’. That’s how he painstakingly explains in simple words how they fell apart.

It all started when they were nearing their college graduation. The stress and busy schedule got in the way that they barely see each other anymore. It became worse when reality started to kick in and they had their own first jobs. With their struggle to find their places in the world, they lost each other. Suddenly the comfortable silence between them became awkward and uneasy. That was when he knew that the spark was lost.

“That’s it? You are saying to everything we had?”

“Don’t fool yourself Ryeowook, you know what we have right now is not the same anymore. I don’t want to hurt you more in the process,”

“Fine. You’re superhero then in this relationship. Let’s break up if that is what you want,”

He agreed with it so easily that Ryeowook had to question himself if he had loved him that deep. Or was it pride? It must be. He was afraid of going back to him, chasing him again asking if they could save their relationship. He was afraid of hearing what his answer will be. Because, if he was able to suggest breaking up then what are his chances of him wanting to save their relationship.

So that’s it. Slowly Ryeowook pushed himself to moving on. He erased him from his contacts and friend list. He put everything that could remind him of Kyuhyun in a box. One day when he has the strength he would burn it without regrets.

Ryeowook’s daydreams were disturbed when suddenly his phone slipped from his phone and fell squarely on his face hitting his nose and eyes. That slight hurts. He glared at the offensive thing when suddenly it rings.

“Hello?”

“Wookie! Where are you?”

“Home…in bed,”

“Oh you’re living the lazy life again. Get your lazy out tonight. You have a date tonight okay? I’ll text the address. And don’t you dare missing this one. I really reserved this handsome man for you,”

Ryeowook rolled his eyes in annoyance. Another blind date.

“Min you are my best friend okay? Don’t you know that I really hate these things?”

He heard the person from the other line sigh. “I know but you see, you have to do something in your life. Are you just contented of arriving in a lonely home after work? Don’t you want someone to bring color to your life?”

“But I am happy – ”

“No you’re not. I want you to be genuinely happy. The one where I can see the sparks again in your eyes,”

When Ryeowook didn’t answer back he continued. “I just want to help you. Just this once Wookie please. If it doesn’t work out then I will not bother you anymore. Please think about it.”

“Okay Min. I’ll try,”

That night, the address lead Ryeowook to a far away café located at the hilltop where you can view the scenic lights of the city below. ‘Tskk such a romantic view for a first date with someone I don’t know’ Ryeowook thought.

He entered the restaurant only to find a few people inside, either in groups, by two’s or loners like him. He knew that the other person’s hasn’t arrived yet so he went to his seat to wait.

Ryeowook doesn’t mind waiting but when there’s a lovey dovey couple in front of him it makes him irritated. He rolled his eyes hearing the sweet messages the man was whispering to his girlfriend. He scoffed quietly when the girl giggled and kissed his boyfriend at the nose.

‘Why am I seating here? Why did I agree to come in the first place? Whyyyy?’ Ryeowook was screaming in his head. He wants whoever this blind date was to arrive and drag him to other place instead. He doesn’t want to stay here. He hates seeing happy couples.

And just when his night was about to get ruined the live band plays a song seemingly familiar to Ryeowook. It was a song that really describes his situation when he remembers him, the person he wants to forget.

The screen reads “people you may know”

I saw your face and name

And realized our separation, what do I do

Damn. Ryeowook cursed mentally. Why do they have to play that song tonight? Is fate playing a trick on him?  A sad song plays while there’s a happy couple in front of his seat. ‘What the hell?’

The song transported him back to the days where Kyuhyun’s name would automatically appear in his ‘Friend suggestions’ in facebook. They have a lot of mutual friends that its not impossible for them to cross paths again, either personally or through social media.

No way, I know so much about you

Last few years were mine

I couldn’t stop my love for one second

Ryeowook sipped on to his drink that he ordered while waiting. He couldn’t help but remember the times where he thought his love for him would never end. The glorious days of their high school life. Every place of their alma mater holds a lot of their memories. That is why he never bothered going back neither to his old school nor to his hometown. 

The way their eyes meet across the classroom.

The first kiss in the library.

The love notes in the lockers.

Their first dance on the school’s wide open grounds.

The way they hugged each other in the orchestra hall upon graduation.

It was all bound to be just memories of the past.

But what you’re doing

With who and where you are

I don’t know, I can’t know

It seems like our relationship is just that

Ryeowook can only laugh bitterly when one of his friends tags Kyuhyun in their photos. He refused to come to their reunions. He refused to be contacted by them. He could stalk his life in facebook but he will never know the details of his life just like before. He doesn’t have the right to interfere with it anymore.

Hello, hello I can’t even greet you

Please, please I can’t even hold onto you