climbing the stairs two steps at a time, yeri quickly reached the top despite her small stature. she couldn't wait any longer to share her joy with bae-halmoni — she had a smile plastered on her face, so much so she felt as if it would split apart anytime. the hanok (a/n: traditional Korean house) stood with a sandy yard before it, leaves cleanly swept into a pile by the side. the house was old, but it wasn't run down; in fact, to yeri, it seemed like the building never aged further than that point. the paper on the window screens were in pristine condition; yeri loved running her fingers down the length of them sometimes and she would receive a smack whenever bae-halmoni found out, the old lady nagging about how yeri's young strength was uncontrolled and about how she would rip a hole through the screens someday.

 

she let herself into the open hall, knowing she'd been over to the house enough to be granted entry without verbal permission.

 

"halmoni! halmoni! where are you? it's yerim here," she loudly announced.

 

"ya, yerim-ah, you scared me," a screen slid open somewhere and yeri followed the sound, finding bae-halmoni sitting on the floor with an ironing board in front of her.

 

she bowed respectfully before sitting down, cheeky grin taking over her expression.

 

"halmoni, why are you always ironing clothes nine out of ten times i come over?"

 

bae-halmoni huffed, smacking yeri on her lap. "aish, why do you make it sound like i have nothing else to do in my life but iron clothes? it's just that you always come over at this timing," she shot yeri a mock glare and the girl giggled, knowing there was only affection behind the seemingly angry reaction.

 

"hehe, that's right, that's right."

 

with the silence settling in, yeri suddenly felt unsure how to formulate her thoughts and break the news to the old lady. she had run all the way to the old house after her best friend accepted her confession, unable to keep her excitement to herself — but now, she felt conflicted about whether the old lady would be accepting of her. after all, same- relationships were only starting to be accepted recently, so she was unsure whether the previous generation would be open to the idea.

 

she stared at the old lady before her. bae-halmoni's wrinkles were deepest at the spots where her lips started and eyelids ended — the halmoni of her younger days must've been someone who wore a smile often, yeri thought. she took a deep breath in.

 

"halmoni. did girls fall in love with each other back during your younger days?"

 

the iron stopped its movements on the board. yeri pursed her lips, uncertain about the situation, and the drag of silence broke only when the steam of the iron puffed out at its usual intervals.

 

bae-halmoni placed the iron down on the metal latch at the end of the board and looked at yeri, giving her her full attention.

 

"yes. why do you ask?"

 

intimidated by the sudden gravity in the old lady's voice, yeri swallowed a lump in and dared herself not to back down. her best friend would be ashamed if she was anything less than forthcoming with their relationship. she could almost feel the headlock and oncoming threats and she gulped.

 

"that's because.... i'm dating a girl now. although, i really don't want you to see me any different because of that."

 

she slowly glanced up at bae-halmoni, and the old lady had a distant look in her eyes, as if she was contemplating whether to berate yeri or accept her.

 

yeri continued, "i know it's shocking, maybe you find it disgusting, but it's what i genuinely feel with my heart. i can't explain why i don't feel the same way towards a guy, but she's my best friend, she makes me happy, and she takes good care of me, i trust her and she's never lied to me. i don't ever get angry when she makes fun of me, instead i get angry when boys talk to her, and i was initially confused but–"

 

"stop."

 

yeri bit her tongue and halted her rambling. her mind went on overdrive, wondering if she'd broken a precious relationship with the halmoni who watched her grow up and took care of her like a blood-related granddaughter. she hugged her arms to her body, suddenly feeling a chill and goosebumps raising on her skin — she hadn't been that worried about what the larger society thought of her orientation, but if getting rejected by a loved one was already crushing her like that now, how was she going to face everyone else in future?

 

the old lady slowly reached for the wall plug and pulled it out. the steam from the iron decreased, wisps gradually disappearing into the air. yeri braced herself for the long lecture that was to come, her fingers curling into fists and chin lowering into her chest.

 

she looked up in surprise when bae-halmoni put a gentle hand on her lap.

 

"it's ok, yerim-ah," bae-halmoni closed her eyes, recollecting her scattered memories from decades ago.

 

"the person i loved the most in my life was a girl, too. we can't explain emotions sometimes.

 

i never thought i'd fall in love with her when i first met her."

 

***

 

 

"hello, nice to meet you!"

 

joohyun looked up from her notes, surprised that someone new was greeting her. it was already halfway into the school term, a peculiar time for anyone to transfer into a class they hadn't originally been taking. the voice was also loud, semi-scaring her when she had been so engrossed in a chapter of her literature text.

 

she blinked at the stranger's dyed locks and inquisitive expression.

 

"hello. is there something i can help you with?"

 

the girl nodded eagerly and quickly sat down beside her. "i'm new around here! could you just tell me what subject is going to be taught in this room?"

 

"it's literature. are you planning to sit in?"

 

the new girl widened her eyes at the answer, nodding eagerly again. joohyun noted that the girl looked like a squirrel nibbling on a nut when she did that. it looked kind of dumb, but also pretty harmless.

 

"you can borrow my text for this class if you need."

 

the girl's jaw dropped, and joohyun wondered if she was secretly armed with a repertoire of expressions from some soap opera. there was a popular series airing on television recently and her friends and her had raved over the male lead in the show, wondering what it would be like to meet him in person.

 

"yes please, thank you so much! how should i address you...?"

 

"joohyun is fine," a polite smile graced her lips.

 

"i'm wendy, but i guess here you can call me seungwan! thank you, you're really nice, i'm glad to have met you!" the girl bowed to joohyun gratefully. joohyun raised an eyebrow at the English name and figured that explained why the weird enthusiastic squirrel girl seemed to have transferred into class in the middle of no-when.

 

she shrugged and turned back to face the front. there weren't many girls in college, so it was nice to have some company after all.

 

***

 

yeri sat still, shell shocked by bae-halmoni's admittance to having been in such a relationship during her time. the old lady had patiently listened to every single story yeri had blabbered about since young, but on the other hand, she didn't even know about the most significant person in her beloved halmoni's romantic life?! she collected herself as she tried to process the information.

 

"how did it start? was it because she came from a more liberal background growing up, since she's a waeguk-in?"

 

(a/n: waeguk-in – Korean term for foreigner; 'person from outside of the country'; '外国人')

 

bae-halmoni opened her eyes, as if just remembering that she was still in the room with yeri. she lowered her gaze to a heap of washed laundry by the side and occupied her shaky hands with folding a striped sweater.

 

moments passed — it was definitely difficult to piece together a memory from decades ago, but it seemed to yeri that that wasn't what was stumbling bae-halmoni in her recount.

 

if anything, it seemed that the old lady was struggling with what to say and what not to say, a steady flow of emotions slowly seeping into her long-chilled bones, reigniting a snuffed out flame.

 

then, bae-halmoni clenched her jaw, a steely expression setting in.

 

"it probably started with me," she exhaled. "i was lonely."

 

***

 

 

after joohyun and seungwan finished an enjoyable dinner (they finally visited a restaurant where seungwan had gone on endlessly about wanting to eat at), the two brunettes decided to stroll along the river.

 

streetlights lined the path and joohyun stared at the reflections which flickered in the water as they walked along. the spring air was cool on her skin and she felt completely at ease, something she found herself feeling more often recently.

 

"i still can't believe someone on this world doesn't eat chicken. the chicken bulgogi was delicious!" seungwan was exclaiming to the trees, as if announcing a travesty being committed on this earth.

 

joohyun pouted and let out a low whine. "yah, at least we finally visited that place since you've been going on about it forever. i agreed to go there despite how i knew their specialty was chicken!"

 

the previously raving girl clapped and nodded. "yeah, that's true. why are you so nice to me today?"

 

she skipped closer to joohyun, one finger wagging at the girl. joohyun smirked and inched her face toward the digit, allowing seungwan to poke her cheek. "why? do you not want me to be?"

 

as if jolted by electricity, seungwan quickly pulled her hand away, cradling it against her chest, a light blush coloring her cheeks.

 

amused, joohyun stopped in her steps and turned to seungwan, blatantly staring at the cute hamster looking all bashful and nervous. her brown eyes were wide open in shock.

 

"y-yah, quit staring!"

 

joohyun watched the reflection of the streetlights in seungwan's eyes this time. they were clear, and if anything, the reflections twinkled.

 

"why should i?" joohyun teased, taking a step closer to seungwan. "you're too cute."

 

seungwan huffed and looked away, unable to hold joohyun's stare. the two walked on for a few more minutes, the conversation being put on hold due to seungwan's bashfulness.

 

joohyun gave seungwan the time to calm down as her own thoughts played on the tip on her tongue, and for a moment, she wondered about the consequences of verbalizing them. it couldn't be that bad at all, right?

 

she swallowed her saliva and picked up the conversation.

 

"do you want to be my girlfriend?"

 

silence.

 

joohyun peeked at the girl beside her to see the characteristic wide-eyed expression plastered on seungwan's face. people would usually feel anxious about the reply to such a question, but for some reason, all joohyun felt was the terrible urge to reach over and pinch the girl's cheeks.

 

seeing seungwan made her happy, and it didn't matter whether they were friends or something more, as long as she had the girl beside her.

 

it took her by surprise when seungwan grabbed her hand, pulling her into an embrace.

 

joohyun felt the girl burrowing her face into her own shoulder, and she wrapped her arms around the slightly smaller girl. she never noticed how petite seungwan really was until now, and she kept her hold gentle.

 

she was unsure — was this meant as a rejection, an apology for being unable to reciprocate her feelings? somehow, the possibility didn't hurt her, and she was about to let go of seungwan to tell her that it's okay, that they could and should remain friends, that it'd be easier that way— 

 

she didn't have to, because seungwan muttered into her hair and suddenly, all she could feel was adrenaline and a sense of warmth spreading through her.

 

she was sure.

 

 

 

 

 

"yes... i want to."