I.
Do not press your lips against her cheek when the lens of a camera appears in your peripheral vision. Detach yourself from the warmth of her embrace, pretend not to notice when the fullness of her lower lip juts out into pout. Ignore the way her fingers search for yours in an attempt to be closer, ignore the way her palm feels against your own when she finally makes contact. It is too close to the real thing, too close to what you’ve wanted desperately for too long. Push the feeling down until you’ve buried it six feet under – you’ve come this far; don’t give up now.

II.
When she comes home in the wee hours of the morning, eyelids heavy and feet dragging against the floor, do not invite her into your bed. Your limbs will ache for the closeness you feel when you're cuddled together on Saturday mornings watching an endless stream of cartoons - do not give in. When her arms encircle your small frame, resist the urge to mold yourself against the subtle curves of her body. Accept that she smells of a man you wish you could take the place of – do not acknowledge that the shoot was only business when you know she’s had a crush on him for six months. Do not give yourself false hope. Do not torture yourself by believing what you know cannot be. Press a cup of tea into her waiting hands and send her to bed so you can return to your own. Close the door. Do not invite her into your bed.

III.
The sting of jealousy will sit in your veins when she drags her hand up Tiffany’s abdomen in a twist on the choreography that will surely make the fans go wild – avert your gaze and strike up a conversation with Yuri. Do not glance behind you when she laughs a melodic chime of a giggle; focus on the way Yuri can barely meet Tiffany’s eyes. You know she has it just as bad. Lie through your teeth and tell her that it gets better though the ache has settled in the hollow of your chest for years, clinging to the spaces between your ribs – do not let her see the pain that resides in your eyes. When she asks if you’re over her, smile and tell her yes. Yes, you are over it. You are over her, and her laugh, and her smile, and the way she seems to light up every single room she walks into. Yes, you are over it. Saying it brings you one step closer to actually believing it. 

IV. 
You will consider calling her when she’s half way across the world shooting yet another cover spread for a magazine you cannot name off the top of your head – your fingers will itch to press the ‘CALL’ button next to her name though it is 3:30 in the morning where she’s at but you’re desperate to hear her voice. Do not pick up the phone. Do not press the ‘CALL’ button next to her name. Drag yourself out of bed and announce that you’re going drinking and invite the girls along. Ignore the confused glances and focus on the chorus of agreements. Lose yourself in the burn of the alcohol and the thrum of good conversation. The room will go fuzzy around the edges after a while and you will swear you see her sitting in the corner, head thrown back in laughter as brunette curls bounce with every movement. It is not her. Turn back around and do not look at your watch. You think she is awake by now. When you stumble through the door with the help of Taeyeon on one side and Tiffany on the other and collapse into your bed, you will want to check your phone. Do not check your phone.

V.
When she asks if you’re mad at her, tell her no. She will know that you’ve been avoiding her, for she has always been more perceptive than anyone has ever given her credit for. Do not tell her that looking at her makes it hard to breathe. Do not tell her that you feel as though you’re suffocating, gasping for air in her presence. Do not tell her that it hurts too much to be around her though you crave her attention, though you want nothing more than to be with her. Smile and say that you’ve been busy, that you’ve met a girl. Smile when she tells you that she’s happy for you and that she can’t wait to meet her. In truth, you can’t remember the girl’s name. In truth, you probably won’t see her again. She was a blip on your radar while she is the entire map. Smile anyway. Allow Tiffany to set you up on that blind date with the stylist from another agency she’s been telling you about for a month now. Remind yourself that you will get through this.

VI.
Do not look her in the eyes when she smooths the invisible wrinkles from your dress with a gentle touch. Do not wish it was her going to be draped from your arm, doting on you over fine wine and pressed white linens. Wishing only wounds the fragile heart. Instead, allow a smile to spread across your features. Tell her not to wait up. Do not linger when she hugs you goodbye. Compliment your date when you arrive – she’s beautiful, all five feet and eight inches of her. Do not think about the stark contrast her blonde locks are to the brunette head you see every time you close your eyes. Laugh when she cracks a joke, smile when her fingertips brush against yours when you both read for the bottle. You will find yourself enamored with the way she speaks with such passion about the simplest things. You will find yourself blushing when she tells you that you’re cute when you smile. Guilt will sink into your bones and you will feel sick to your stomach. You will feel as though you are cheating, but you are not. She will grab your attention from your thoughts and you will laugh at her cheesy punchlines. It is okay. You are allowed to be happy. 

VII.
Do not cry when you get home and find out she did not wait up for you.

VIII.
Breathe. It will get better. You will get through this.

XI.
Let her go in pieces. Do not let her go all at once, for you think it may kill you if you do. Soon, her smile will not force butterflies to take flight in your stomach. Her laugh will not bloom affection in the center of your chest. Her touch will not send an ache barreling across your skin. You are not there yet, but you will be. Soon. You are not betraying her by letting her go, by choosing to be happy. You are not at fault and neither is she. Perhaps in another universe, you could have loved her forever and maybe, she would have let you. But you are not in a different universe, and this is here, and this is now. Do not waste your life on what might have been. Return the CD she lent you months ago that you've been holding onto. Give her back the sweatshirt tucked in the dark corner of your closet. With each item you let go of, you will get a piece of your heart back in return. 

X.
You have a girlfriend now. She presses her lips to your cheek and warmth spreads from the tips of your fingers to the tips of your toes. You kiss her with a sweetness you did not know you possessed. You think that this may be what love feels like. Jessica’s smile no longer causes butterflies to take flight in your stomach. Her laugh no longer blooms affection in the center of your chest. Her touch no longer sends an ache barreling across your skin. You think that you have finally let her go now. She will always be a part of you and a part of your story, but she no longer consumes your being. You can stand on your own two feet without her. She is happy for you and you are happy for yourself. Because you did it. It got better. You got through this. You are happy.