Yoongi knew something was wrong with Namjoon from the very moment Namjoon's mother opened the front door and let him in. For starters, he couldn't hear any music and that was a big warning signal. Whether it was Lupe Fiasco , Sam Tsui, Chopin, UnsraW, Fall out boys or anything really, there was always music coming from his best friend's room ... that is if the other boy wasn't too sad to even cover it with the loud tunes coming from the speakers.

" Where is Joon ? " he asked, even though he knew the answer already.

" In his room . I think he is studying. " the woman responded in a neutral tone and Yoongi had to clench his hands into fists to prevent himself from telling her how wrong she was.  Namjoon was most likely in his room bottling his feelings and insecurities and hoping they wouldn't explode .

" Yp' , Joon, what's up ? " he said more cheery than ever trying not to flinch upon seeing his best friend's  miserable condition.

Namjoon's room was a complete mess : the bed was unmade , a book which Yoongi identified as " A cup of sake beneath the cherry trees " by Kenko and Namjoon's favorite notebook and pen messily laying on it, a hippo plush toy and a few dirty clothes littering the floor, three gigantic history books precariously balanced on the dusty nightstand along with the boy's cell phone , which was most likely dead at the moment, and his Ferrari pencil case which was sporting new ink spots. In the small space between the king sized bed and the wardrobe was Namjoon himself. He was sitting on an old , ratty, blanket, furiously writing something on his tablet pc. 

" The ceiling. That's what's up. " he responded , but his voice lacked any kind of humor, making Yoongi's heart clench painfully.

" What are you writing ? "

" An essay on Socrate's defense by Plato ."

" Did we have to ? "

Since this year's winter holiday was three weeks long instead of two, their teachers gave them a load of homework practically forgetting that holidays were supposed to be spent relaxing and not overworking. Even though there was only one more week until school started again, Yoongi did not open one of his notebook or textbooks even once so the prospect of having another thing to do in such a short amount of time nearly gave him a heart attack.

" No. But as you know, I chose Philosophy as my third subject for the finals so I am just studying more to be prepared for the exam. "

Of course Yoongi knew Namjoon chose Philosophy ... he was still bitter because of it, after all. At the beginning of the year they both decided to chose Geography as the third subject for the finals since it appeared to be the easiest subject but, of course, Najoon ditched him with the poor excuse of the Geography teacher being a grade A who drove him nuts. Of course, Yoongi knew it was actually because of the fact that his friend was a huge nerd when it came to Philosophy so he didn't say a thing about the change of plans even though the knowledge that he will not get any Geography study session with Namjoon anymore made him feel irritated.

" So ... what's really up with you, Joon ? " Yopongi asked always being one to approach a problem directly.

" Nothing really . " Namjoon said raising up from the blanket and stretching his legs.

" Namjoon , are those girl leggings ? " he asked partly because he knew his best friends was slightly different but did not expect him to do something like wearing girl clothes and partly because he knew that changing the topic will make Namjoon spill the beans about what was really bothering him .

" Just so you know, girl clothing and boy clothing are just concepts made by the capitalist society in order to sell more things at a ridiculously high price. Clothes are just clothes. But if you are so curious about this , yes I bought them from the women department at H&M,." he responded causing a gummy smile to appear on Yoongi's face.

Namjoon was really endearing when he gave up on being so self conscious and said a big you to the bigoted society in which they lived that it made Yoongi love him even more. Because that was the truth. Yoongi was irremediably and eternally in love with the one he called his best friend. Falling in love with the slightly older boy was something Yoongi always known it would happen sooner or later so it didn't brought any life changing realization. At the moment in life when he met the other boy he already knew he will never be able to fall for a real person and it was exactly what Namjoon was. He was intricate and delicate and strong and his insides, his entire soul, was carved so beautifully and gently that falling in love with him came to Yoongi as easily as drinking a cup of tea on a rainy day. He knew Namjoon would never judge him for his feelings but, still, he was human and he feared rejection, he feared the pain threatening to kill him.

" And they are comfortable and warm which is ideal given the fact that my joints are killing me. " he continued.

" Why didn't you take a pill ? "

" I tried. I probably need a gel or something like that and we don't posses such a thing . "

" Why didn't you go to buy one ? "

" I don't have money. Even my bank account is on the negatives . "

" Why didn't you tell your mom . "

" I did, but she disregarded me. " Namjoon responded, his eyes slightly teary.It was easy for him to understand that what was bothering his friend was his mother considering that his pain was not so severe enough to deserve going to the drug store at minus eleven degrees celsius. To be honest, the pain was probably not that much. Yoongi knew Namjoon's mother , especially since she was a carbon copy of his own mother. She had a quick temper, could be extremely harsh with her criticism and more than a little insensitive but that didn't mean that she didn't love her son with all her heart. He knew that Namjoon's mom would never let her son truly suffer but he also knew she was completely blind when it came to heart matters. He knew it was not the physical pain that deterred Namjoon's spirit, It was the fact that he wanted to feel loved, he wanted someone to care for him and take away some of his stress and pressure but nobody seemed to want to do it.  Even though he appeared to be the strongest from their group of friends, Namjoon was actually  more sensitive than all of them. He was more sensitive than Yoongi who was afraid of rejection, than Hoseok who always put the others happiness above his, than Taehyung who was afraid of never living his life to the fullest, than Jimin who was afraid of being judged, than Jin who most of the time thought that he was nothing more than a pretty face or than Jeongkook that strived for perfection so much he didn't allow himself to feel anything. Namjoon was so easily to bruise it was a miracle for him how he was able to be so strong, to be their support, the one they come at to seek help and support, without collapsing under the weight of their fears, insecurities and worries.

" Come here. I'll massage your wrists and ankles for you." he said and the smile on the other's face made his heart stop for a few seconds then start beating so wildly he was afraid it would escape from the confines of his body..

Namjoon took his cell phone from the nightstand, put it to charge, chose Perfect two by Auburn to play and then gently sat on the bed, placing his palms in Yoongi's lap. the song was silly and cheesy and everything Yoongi disliked and deemed as foolish and trashy yet, with Namjoon's gentle gaze fixed on his and his hand between his own he couldn't find it anything but perfect ... because, as idiotic as it sounded, that stupid , that stupid song was still a part of Namjoon and he was in love with every part of him, no matter how small or strange.

He was rubbing soothing circles on Namjoon's wrist when the boy spoke, his voice little and shy :

" You always look at me like  ... I am someone big , like I hold all of the secrets of the world in the palms of my hands. "

" Well you do hold all the secrets of my world in the palms  of your hands. " he responded with honesty, his words making the other blush.

" Yoongi ! " he said , but, to Yoongi's surprise and happiness he didn't retreat his hand.

" This is true though >"

" Don't say such things . "

" Why shouldn't I if they are true ? "

" Because they are the kind of words that are destined to be said to your lover, to the one you love ... you can't waste them on me. I mean ... it makes me feel good and all but you ... "

Yoongi was scared, more scared than he has ever been. He felt like he was walking on the rope, miles away from the ground and without any safety net to catch him if he were to fall ... but he knew Namjoon was worth it. Namjoon was worth having Yoongi face his worst fear. So Yoongi dived head first, not knowing what the result would be but hopping for the best.

" I do love you though ... and I kind of plan to date you if you agree. " he said, Namjoon's sweet smile making his heart beat properly again.

" Yes, of course. I'll always say yes if it is about you ... because I love you too . " Namjoon responded even though his biggest fear was having his world, all the good things in his life, falling apart. Namjoon was scared, but if it was for Yoongi it was okay ... because Yoongi held his heart in the palms of his hands for so long yet never bruised it. It was going to be alright. He was safe with Yoongi.