“Jessica, please!” Stood in front of me was the man standing with a batch of beautifully blossom red roses. I stared at him tiredly, it was not a rude statement. It was an exhausting moment of my life, being taken out of a group that I considered to be a family, to not be in the company that felt like a home took a lot of energy out of me. Even though Tyler was one of the people who helped keeping me up, I couldn’t bring myself to accept his love confession when deep in my heart, I knew that I could never reciprocate his sincere heart.
“I'm sorry Tyler, I just don't want a boyfriend right now.” It was a lie, I never wanted to have a boyfriend, ever. Not many people knew about this fact except for my family, my members and the people in the company that were working close to us. As easy as it was to pretend to be straight in front of the public, I couldn’t possibly lie to the people who stayed around me almost 24 hours per day.
“Jessica, what am I supposed to do for you to accept me?” He asked, it almost fell like he was begging and I didn’t like it. Nobody should beg for love, if only I could say the same for myself. I grabbed his hand and gave him a smile. He looked down avoiding my eyes as if to deny the meaning behind my friendly smile.
“You have done enough, Oppa. I’m so grateful to have such an amazing brotherly figure like you in my life but that is all there is for us. I can never look at you any other way.” It was not that I was hiding my uality from him, in fact I have been telling him again and again but he just didn’t want to believe me. He nodded his head accepting it at last before telling me to keep the flower and to think of it as a congratulation gesture on a success glasses brand opening. I thanked and bid goodbye to him before making my way into my condominium. As soon as I closed the door, I slummed my body on the door and closed my tired eyes.

“Is there anything wrong?” A familiar voice startled me. I opened my eyes and stood in front of me was the source of my heartbreak. She walked toward me and under the light of the front door, I finally got to see what she was wearing. A pair of black jeans that fit perfectly around her tone lower body and a white crop top that show watery tan abs. It immediately occurred to me that she was here on purpose. She had obviously dressed to impress. I couldn't voice out anything out of my mouth because the person who I had been missing terribly finally showed up in front of me.
“I came an hour ago but you were not here, so Krystal let me in.” She started talking instead knowing full well how I was feeling and judging by the curve of her lips, she liked it a lot.
“Hmm” Not wanting to let her have the satisfaction of seeing me at her mercy any longer, I took a deep breath and tried to regain my composer. I awkwardly let out a sound and made my way passed her toward the sofa that was standing in the middle of the room. She followed me shortly and took a seat right next to me.
“So what happened back there?” Her pair of worry eyes and her concern expression made me lost word and instead of answering her, I started bawling my eyes out. She pulled me in for hug and pat slightly on my head. Even though I felt sad and gloomy, I couldn’t deny how much comfort her hand on my head was.
“Do you want me to go out and kick his ? Did he hurt you?” The sound of her voice was serious and it felt like she was ready to kick him any minute. It was at this moment that I was sure that she didn’t know how much I had suffered because of her.
“I hate to pretend, no ... I don't want to pretend anymore.” I whined like a kid who didn’t want to go to the dentist.
“Pretend what?” She asked almost too innocently like me being gay was a secret to her.
“I don't want to pretend that I like guys anymore…” I said finally stopped crying, instead of letting go of the hug, I dug my head deeper into Yuri’s neck and without warning I started to kiss the delicious skin and gave it a slight hoping that the action could convey the meaning behind me being so miserable in front of her. She was just sitting there like a stone like she was trying to process something. Suddenly she pushed me away slowly and looked at me intensely in the eyes.

"Jessica, you know that this is wrong so you should stop.” She said sternly as if she was a mom scolding her disobedient daughter.
“Of course I know how wrong it is, but it's just feel so right and this is me. I can't change that, Yuri. You know how much I love you but you still want me to pretend like I don't? I can't be just friend with you.” I finally lost it and started screaming all those words out. She didn’t even flinched, it felt like she knew exactly how I felt.
“I have a boyfriend, Jessica.” Yuri said as sternly as she was before but the word boyfriend didn’t sound that sweet. I hate it, I hate the word ‘boyfriend’ and the fact that I couldn’t be one even if I want to.
“Is that the only reason that you can't love me back? Yuri, there are a millions reasons that you can’t be with me. You being a member of one of the most famous girl group in Korea, SM banning you from coming out or your career can be ruined and yet you chose to pick your boyfriend as the reason for you not to be with me?” She didn't say anything instead she stood up and walk to the big window, looking out at the beautiful view of Seoul. She took the framed photos of all the nine of us that was sitting on the coffee table and stared at it for a while before she finally started speaking again.
“I came here to see you because Krystal told me that you will be in Korea for a while. I’m shooting a new drama. The title is Local Hero.” She put the frame down and sat back with me completely ignore my question.
“Go and tell that amazing news to your boyfriend.” I said sarcastically and closed my eyes after leaned back on the comfy sofa. I'm so tired ... tired of all this that happened in my life. As the darkness entered my eyes, my ears became more sensitive to sound and I could hear Yuri moving closer to me. I closed my eyes more tightly when I felt her lips on mine. Every time she made me feel this way, she always tried to make me feel better by kissing me. It's just so unfair how her kiss can heal everything. It's also unfair that she does this to me without feeling one bit of guilt. She's just so selfish that way. I tried to hold my tears and tasted her lips as long as I can. I hugged her neck tightly but it will always come to an end. She pulled away and kissed my forehead.
“I have to go now, we have an early flight tomorrow.” She said without looking at me as she was busy wiping her lipstick off of my mouth. I didn’t mind it though since I was going to sleep after anyway. I knew that she had an early flight, even though I had been out of the group for a while, the members and I still kept on updating each other about our various activities and schedule. That means of course I knew about Yuri’s new drama.
“Please don't go, can you stay here tonight? I miss you so much” I knew I was begging and for some people it may seem pathetic but my love for her made me feel vulnerable like that. I still kept on asking and begging the same even though I knew that the outcome won’t be much different.
“I have to meet him… before I depart tomorrow…” She mumbled the last part and yet I could still hear it clearly in my ear. I didn’t say anything back to her and just sat still letting her make her own choice and as always she just walked out of the door without turning back. I cried the whole night until I got too tired and fell asleep. She didn’t text me nor replied any of the members’ text in the group chat. I guess she and her boyfriend must have a really great night together. How long will I live in this sorrow? Just to be able to feel her and be with her, I threw away my pride and let her hurt me as much as she wanted and still I couldn’t have her.

I didn’t know what time did I fell asleep last night but I woke up really tired like I hadn’t sleep at all. I opened my eyes as someone was knocking on the door rapidly. My back was hurting because I fell asleep while crying on the sofa. Thinking of what happened brought tears to my eyes again. Speaking of last night, I couldn’t help imagining Yuri woke up in his arm and they went to the airport together. Just thinking how he would kiss her goodbye and hugged her when she came back made my heart hurt. I stared lazily at the door that kept on making sound and something came to me. The only people who would visit me at the condominium were Tyler, Krystal and my parents. Of course, my parents and Krystal knew the code of the door and Tyler would ring the doorbell. The only person who would ignored the damn bell and knocked instead was Yuri. She always said she wanted to be special, that every time she came, I would know. As I finally figured who the culprit was, I turned my head toward the wall clock that was hanging opposite to my bed, it read 5am in the morning. I rushed to the door and opened quickly after found out that she might miss her flight soon.
“What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be checking in right now?” I asked her frantically but instead of answering the put her hands up and showed me a box of KFC Chickens. I looked at her as if she had gone insane, how could I not? She needed to leave for their concert in an hour and she had no luggage in hands.
“Can I come in? I have an amazing news to tell you.” She walked in without waiting for me to reply. I snapped out of my thought and closed the door before walking up to her. She sat down in front of the TV and gestured me to sit down with her.

"Let’s eat first and I’ll tell you after.” She said when I made no movement that indicate that I would join her.
“I already told you, go tell every news you have to your boyfriend and I don’t eat breakfast this early.” I replied before making my way past her. She got up and grabbed my hand. I struggled not wanting her to get her way with me anymore. After a while she decided to let go of my hand and started hugging me instead.
“I can't because I don't have a boyfriend anymore.” I froze in the middle of my struggling. She just kept on hugging me tighter and started my head. I pushed her away slowly and looked straight into her eyes trying to see if she was telling the truth.
“What?” A one word question was the only thing that came out of my mouth as I was too shock to function.
“I have a girlfriend to tell all about my news and she's right here in front of me.” She took a hold of my hand and brought a red rose out of the KFC package. I stared at her funny, what was with the red rose?
“Tyler brought you a batch of red rose last time so I can’t lose to him. Please don’t be angry at the lack of quantity because it was too early in the morning and I couldn’t find a shop so I bought it from a street vender who sold flowers that he picked up from his garden…” I couldn’t help but smile as I looked at my girlfriend who kept on speaking nonsense trying to explain why she shouldn’t be mark less than Tyler, so instead of stopping her with words, I decided to stop her with a kiss on the lips and she liked it.

We broke our kiss afterward and started eating the chickens that my girlfriend brought and just like that I got my happy ending in the end.