for jimin, it was one of those days again. 

 

one of those days where his mind overwhelmed him. where he felt so hopeless, so worthless. these breakdowns were normal, so he never saw them as a suprise. it was just that he didnt have a very kind mind. 

 

this particular occurance took place in his and taehyung's bedroom. he was sat on the floor in the far corner of the cluttered room, practically hugging himself, feeling small. his cries were quiet however frequent, and his body couldn't stop shaking. 

 

he knew he should've asked for help in this situation. he knew it was what he needed. well, what he wanted, anyway. he understood that hugs and kisses couldn't cure him, but it wasn't wrong for him to want it, right? 

 

-------

 

it wasn't long before hoseok walked up to the door, entering without knocking, as he just wanted to ask jimin if they could hang out. however, seeing jimin in the state that he was in pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, as he knew exactly what jimin needed, being the only one who knew about the younger's mental state and all. 

 

"aah, jiminie..." he whispered as he quietly walked over to jimin. hoseok crouched down next to his friend, wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulder. 

 

"jimin..."

 

jimin looked up at hoseok, trying to formulate a sentence in response to the elder's worries. he tried to calm down, however it was a failed attempt as he yet again broke down into a fresh round of tears, pushing his head back into his arms which were rested on his knees. 

 

"do you want me to go and get yoongi?" hoseok whispered to jimin, his arm in a comforting manner. 

 

after temporarily calming down again, jimin replied,

 

"i, uh... y-yeah, i just... d-dont want to bother him, though... he worries about me enough as it is..." 

 

"jiminie... i know he wont be bothered by this. he'll want to comfort you, he loves you... i..." hoseok didn't exactly know how to persuade jimin into letting yoongi be there for him, so he simply shot up off of the floor and left the room, heading toward yoongi's bedroom where he was napping. 

 

"h-hyung, wait, i... ..." jimin mumbled to himself, going back to the way he was before hoseok entered the room, although he had then begun to feel the added on stress of being an annoyance to his boyfriend. 

 

-------

 

hoseok honestly did feel bad. he knew how much jimin worried about how he was making yoongi feel. whether he was being a burden, or a creator of stress. but, in the end, he knew it would help, and that was all he wanted.

 

"yoongi... yoongi, wake up, jimin isn't feeling very well... hey..." 

 

yoongi grumbled at the sudden awakening, evidently not used to his sleep being disrupted by the other boys, especially when their schedule was clear. in contrast, hearing the words "jimin" and "not feeling well" made him feel a bit more awake, the need to care for his boyfriend overwhelming.

 

"what... jimin? is he okay?" he voices whilst sitting up and rubbing at his tired eyes.

 

"h-he's crying... he really needs you..." 

 

after he realised that jimin wasn't simply sick and that he may actually be feeling down, yoongi quickly got out of bed and made his way to jimin and taehyung's room. 

 

-------

 

jimin glanced up from his seat on the floor, only to see yoongi and hoseok staring back at him. he speedily moved his head back down to its previous position, still crying like he was before. 

 

as soon as yoongi took in the state that jimin was in, he rushed to the younger, gently hugging him to his chest. 

 

"jiminie... you can talk to me, you know." 

 

"hyung.. hyung, i-i'm sorry, i just.. i hate worrying you... you shouldn't have to worry about me..." he spoke in a hushed tone and positioned his head lightly on yoongi's shoulder, taking in his warmth. 

 

yoongi's embrace on jimin tightened as he replied in a volume just as quiet and gentle, 

 

"jimin, i can't help but worry... it's my job as your boyfriend." 

 

"d-do you just," he tightly shut his eyes to hold back his tears as he spoke,

 

"do you only see it as a job? i-its okay if im a burden, i... i can see why caring about me would be annoying, i mean... i'm annoying, hyung. i'm just... stupid, y-you cant deny that, everyone knows its true. i'm so stupid for acting like this, for breaking down so easily, but i just... f-..."

 

jimin could no longer hold back his tears. it was enough having the thoughts that he had, but vocalising them just made it feel more real. 

 

"nonono jimin i'm sorry if i worded it wrong... you aren't stupid, im sorry, i just... i'm bad at expressing myself to you... there's so many things i'd like to say, so many things i want to tell you but i dont know how... but i can try. jimin... you're beautiful, you're smart.. you're outstandingly talented... you literally have the brightest and most beautiful smile that i never want to fade... you make me feel like the happiest person alive and i wish i could do the same... i love you so much..."

 

in that moment, yoongi also found it challenging to push away his tears, as he began to shake slightly in jimin's arms, the sudden emotions surging through him and taking over his senses. 

 

 

"you do make me happy, you dont have to worry about that, hyung.. i'm just- in general, not a very happy person, on the inside, but.. i love you hyung, and that alone makes me happy, knowing that you love me back... you do make me happy... you do..."

 

"i...i just want to make you happier. the best that i can..." yoongi manages to reply. 

 

"b-but, hyung, _i_ want to make you happy, and i cant.. not when i'm like this, but.. i've always been like this, i can't help it, i'm just.. , yoongi, i want to make you happy, you deserve to be so so happy... you.. you deserve better than me, im so sorry."

 

"jimin no... the thing is that... you make me feel like the happiest and luckiest person alive, you make me feel important... i want you to feel this happy, as well... im sorry, too..."

 

"it's so nice to hear that, hyung... i just... dont know how to be happy. you do make me feel happy, yoongles. you make me feel so many good emotions, so many good feelings. but i dont know how to be... fully happy? if... if that makes sense? i dont know if that even does make sense, to be honest, although, can you see how i feel? this happens frequently, these breakdowns. it just happens, and i feel so guilty because of how good our lives are, though i can't help but to feel this way...

 

but just.. you do so many good things, you treat me so well, and i can't help but feel happy in those moments, because of you. it overwhelms me, the joy you make me feel. longterm, though... my mind isn't the kindest, and i don't know how to fix it, thats how it's always been, and im really sorry, hyung"

 

yoongi had stopped crying at that point, knowing that he had to try and remain calm for the fragile boy in front of him. 

 

"don't be sorry, its not your fault that your mind keeps messing with you. hopefully i can try to cheer you up a little more... i'd love that. and i have a question too... do you have depression? like... actually? i'm not saying that's bad, as in i wont judge or hate you for it, clearly, but... i'm just asking."

 

"u-um, yes, i suppose i do have depression, hyung. i mean, thats what the doctor said all those years ago, and... yeah, i... i do."

 

jimin gently held onto yoongi's hand, not only to comfort the elder, but also himself,

 

"i hate to let you down like this.. i'm so, so sorry. just... if i don't look happy at times... you know it isn't your fault, now. it's never been your fault, it's all on me and i honestly hate myself for it. well, for more reasons than that. but i wont go into that, you don't need to hear me whine about how i feel, i probably make you feel bad enough..."

 

"...you aren't letting me down, jiminie. i've let myself down for not being able to make you feel better, if anything-"

 

 

yoongi had already started to cry again as he nervously spoke, 

 

"okay, i'm sorry... i just, i wish i could help more..." 

 

 

they both remained quiet for a few moments as yoongi managed to calm down. he spoke with a small smile as he expressed,

 

"i- i love you so much..."

 

as jimin had fortunately also calmed down, he said, "aah, see, thats how i want to see you. smiling. you're so beautiful, i love when you smile, warmth practically radiates off of you. i love you too, yoongles. i really really do. hearing you say that.. hearing you say that you love me.. i feel better already..." jimin smiled back, and his eyes held so much love for the elder, "plus, i know you find it hard to express your feelings, especially ones that are so intimate, but thats okay. even if you can't express everything you're feeling, i know. i know how you feel, hyung. so just in case, you don't ever have to worry about me not feeling your love."

 

"...thank you, jiminie..."