One by one will gone. The truth that all of us have to face in a way to the future. Thinking about the future, what will happens to me, to us? Everyone know that life is not always happy, we will not always be up on the mountain, sometimes we will fall down again. Hurt again. And try to be up again. 

Today, out of the other days, push aways all the hectic schedules, my minds keep throwback about the past. Alone in this small room of my own apartment, i'm thinking about the kids. What are they doing now? Have they eaten? What about my long 'lost' kids? How are they? I sigh again for the hundreds times. Yes, we are a team, a brothers, a family to be more specific. But, for this times it's so hard for us to gather together, eat together, had funs together, eating in a large circle together. It is so hard for us to be together.

Why i be like this tonight? I also don't know why i am very sentimental tonight. Maybe its because of my old? Yeah, i knew i am not vey young anymore. People in my age should have own family and maybe kids? Like one of my dongsaeng. I want too but you already know right the reason behind the "why is he not married yet?" right? I know you knew it.. I want to get married when everyone can comes to my wedding day. Everyone means every person who i love in this life, no exception. I want to get married when my parent, my family and my dongsaengs happy in their life. I want to get.... wait! Back to the questions once again, why i am like this tonight right.. 

Just now, i just got home for my hectic schedules. It is 2.45 a.m in the morning. Back home alone, when i opened the door only darkness greet me with the coldness of morning breeze. Okay, that's normal starting from the day i live alone. I am tired, i am exhausted. All in my head just i want to lay in my soft bed and sleep. But, all of sudden my beautiful eyes captured a frame, a big frame that i hang on the wall across my bed. The smiles. Our smiles. I count the head of the person in the picture. One, two, three, ..........., ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen and fifteen. Fifteen!! Fifteen smiles, fiften precious smile.

They are very handsome, they are very hot, i admit that. But, maybe all of you also known that they are crazy and full of childness acts. I laugh a little in that sentences. Also, i admit that. Do you know who are they that i am talking about? They are SUPER JUNIOR, and i am proudly say that i am Leeteuk their leader. Yes, i am very proud to say that, i am proud and glad to be one of this family, and mostly be their leader.  Even sometimes they make me crazy and sometimes regret? Hahaha, well i admit it also.

Hmm, now the clock show 3.35 a.m in the morning. It almost an hour since i'm back. Where is the sleepness and tiredness? Why now i feel lonely, hurt, and missing? 

"Hyung, i've got the letter of the confirmations the date to my enlistment." 

"Really? Oh, you have to get ready from now on. The others have know it?" I asked the person on the other line.

"Nope, you are the first. Hyung, i am scared."

"Oh, don't worry okay. Everything gonna be fine. Tell the others first and let's go drink together later okay. I meet you later, i have to drive. Okay ?"

"Okay hyung. Be careful hyung. Love you, byeeee" He ended it with a cute bye. It make me chuckle, and bye him too. 

Ahhh, it hit me now. My another dongsaeng is going to leave me too. Even it only for around two years, but, it definitely will also feel different right? One by one is leaving me. Why? Without i realize, my tears already drop to my cheeks. One, two, three, four, five, six and seven will gone from my side. One who far and never come back, two that i also don't know when will come back to my side. Three to seven, i will keep waiting. I know they will back to my side again, i just have to wait. And then, the two spoil maknaes also will follow them later on. And what more can i do? I have to wait and i will waiting for them with open arms to them come to my side again, in my arms again. 

Reminiscing about the past, well you know everybody say, leave past in the past and keep moving on. But i can't. My past is so precious to me. Without the past, i am not who am i today. The tears, the hurt, the fight, the laugh, everything. Everything is special that i never want to forget. If i can save it in the pendrive and keep it safely of all the memories, i will because i am afraid that one day i will forget it. The past taught us everything that we need today. 

Times keep moving. Slowly my eyes feel so heavy. Tomorrow is waiting for me. They are waiting for me. My fans, our precious elf are waiting. I want to sleep and i hope i will dream something that i am hoping for. Even it is only for a while, even only in dreams. I want to. I want to dream it. I wish for it. I want to dream of me with fourteen others dongsaengs, holding hands in a big stage that full with a sparkling sapphire blues around us. 

Maybe now it's a dream, but who know one day it will replace the picture that hanging on the wall of my room tonight? Who knows.. 

**************************************

I just want to share a little of the lyrics from their songs for all this time. 

''Past memories I want to have again, All of them remain, like the first time''- endless love

''Even as we age, I want to go about it smiling''- marry you

''Though we get angry over little things when we meet, We let go of the anger, I turn around and smile to myself'' - our love

''When I'm weary, You gave me strength, And your often by my side, Now I want to say, Thank You'' - thank you

''I don’t care where we go, as long as we’re together'' - alright

''Don’t hide your pain, don’t force a smile, I’m beside you, so what do you have to worry about?!'' - dancing out

''One day, when you’re lonely and crying, I’ll wipe away those tears, if you would allow me''- devil

''I can’t imagine my life without you, I don’t want us to separate, ever'' endless moment

''Someday we will all have to say goodbye, We might not be able to see each other, Then our memories will be our strength, Till the day we meet again some day, we’ve already'' - good friends

''The happiness that the bluebirds give is always near to us'' - happiness

''don’t say that you can’t. don’t say that you’ll fail, even if no one acknowledges you, you can do it, now don’t change and smile all together'' - happy together

''I hope that you’ll be there at the end of this life'' - here we go

''With a lot of affection, a lot of laughter, when I’m with the people I love, Sometimes, I look back and I think to myself, you did such a good job, I am here, we are here, there is a future to be excited for, Until always, we will gain strength once again'' - mamacita

''We used to love during the many days we were together, We used to hurt together- making each other’s pain our own''- memories

''Don’t worry now, good days will come next. Leave serious stories behind, Smile brightly for today, with your bright smile, everyone will be lightened up'' -mr.simple

''Take a trip around the world, Look at the magic we made, But still, somewhere in the world, There is still not enough love'' - rock n shine

''Promise to believe you, I’ll always be on your side'' - shining star

''We plant faith in each other’s garden and happiness blooms.''- believe

''In the past when I did whatever I wanted and was foolish, you who embraces all of that are really precious.'' - a short journey

''Okay, right, on standby. This is the moment we’ve dreamt of, It’s chaotic and unpredictable, but it’s okay, it’s all good'' - be my girl

''All the things we shared, Colors in my heart every day, With the same light, we are made as one, forever, As we look at each other'' - islands

''Superstar, it’s me now! Scream out loud, Who I was? OK. Towards my dream, let’s go'' - fly

''It’s time to fly hi-hi-high! We can do it if we’re together, Now~ Now it’s time to fly, a thrilling adventure, Now it’s time to fly, there’s absolutely nothing we can’t do'' - now

''These moments will continue to be forgotten, The yearnings and even this pain- everything, Past the tough trust and misunderstanding, Though the road ahead seems far..''- walking

''The same sky, different place., We’re separated for now, for this instant, something to never forget, Please remember'' -only you

''The days of mere beauty, with the mere good things that you and I, we two used to see together, eat together, hear together, cry together, laugh together, Thank you for standing by me'' - from u

''Should I pluck the stars for you, count them, One, two, three, With the stars we’ve lost, We are thirteen stars

Even if the road we walk is barren, We are in the end, Super Junior, THE LAST MAN STANDING!'' - superman

''You should not live a life with sadness and regrets, You should know that We have our own path, Our own birthplace, Even scenery to look out for, But one day we would be together in a place'' -way

''Words build up, to misunderstandings, to regret, to making up, We’re already inseparable..'' - we can

''Remember, we will achieve all the moments we couldn’t before,

Remember, we will make all our unfulfilled dreams come true'' - stars appear

''It’s just something everyone would experience once. We fail, We lose, To win. Don’t be afraid''- y free single

“Don’t touch”, “You’ll get hurt” "Please don’t do it” “Nevermind” “You can’t do that”

All these kinds of phrases, Just Shake it" -shake it up