I was invited to another frat party once again. It was on the very last day of the exam week to ease off our tired minds from the stresses that we went through this week. Victoria, Nickhun, and I had arrived at the venue where the party was in full swing. The party was actually hosted by Sunggyu, one of Myungsoo’s brother, in which Myungsoo had invited me as soon as he saw me leaving the room, where my last exam was held this late afternoon. Without even futher contemplating, I had agreed to his invitation a little too excitedly than what my real current mood at that time. Uninterested. Considering the fact that I didn’t have plans for the night, it was either better than spending my time in bed until I was knocked out into the abyss of sweet slumber.

The blaring music in the huge house had all those people grinding their bodies, not really caring the world at the moment. This was all the liberty we had to escape from the harsh world of reality, even though it was just a few hours of our lives before we would go back into our mundane routines. On the other hand, I couldn’t wait to see my marks. Yes, I am that one person who constantly checks their phone whether my marks are up. I was kinda pretty confident this semester that I at least did good, or it was an understatement. I did push myself to the extent this semester that I practically stayed up late at night when there was an upcoming big exam, where I almost called the library my second home. I recalled one night the lady who was working in the library, tapped my shoulder to pull me out of the dreamland. This was due to the fact that I jeopardized my marks last semester. In order to redeem myself from procrastinating too much that had led to my sorry GPA, I had set a goal for myself to study hard. In result, I was back into the game again to torturing myself, but it was a nice change that I knew that I was doing good. 

Nichkhun had left to join the other guys to play some beer games nearby the pool. Me and Victoria had pushed our way to the kitchen to grab some booze, grabbing some red clean cups that were laid out on the kitchen counter as we poured the containers with that golden liquid, to burn our weary souls and invigorate that animal that was sleeping inside us. 

I wished Nana was here to join us. Was she even going to come? She rarely visited this kind of event. I knew that she would rather stay up her room, or read her books. I heard she used to attend these events, but one day she ceased coming to every single of them. However, if ever she’d go, she was either with her friend, Kris, or she wouldn’t go at all. I didn’t have any idea what made her stop coming at all. It wouldn’t also leave this brain of mine that the blond mophead had deeper connection other than friends. I didn’t have the courage to even ask her at all, for I was afraid of knowing the inevitable truth. I always chickened out when it came to that very subject. I needed to grow some balls. I laughed silently at that thought, giggling while I was leaning on the kitchen counter as I chugged down my drink, leaving a burning sensation in my throat afterwards. I was born ready in almost everything, but that particular topic I was not prepared to deal with. 

I hadn’t noticed the side looks that my friend was giving me. At that time, I was in my whole little world, ignoring the fact I was surrounded by humans. 

However, something had changed between us for the past few weeks or month. I already had lost track of it due to my busy past semester. I had a feeling the quiet blonde had put some distance between us. It was very subtle at first, disregarding those little avoidance as I convinced myself that she was busy with her courses. I knew that of course. Her program of choice was really a lot to take in. Engineering had her drowned in with assignments every single week, spending brief time to herself. Whenever I met her, she was staring at her computer screen with those 3D models displayed on her laptop’s monitor, but she still found time to hang out with me. However, she had been so impatient and rather rude or cold to me, for some odd reasons that I couldn’t fathom with my exhausted brain. Why she was changing right in front of me? The blonde was slowly pushing me away. It had me so occupied whenever I had spare time to myself that I couldn’t just simply brush off the feeling. I did miss the bonding we had. The silly and witty remarks she threw at me. Those smiles she only showed but only to me. It made me all giddy. Those lips-.

I shook my head.

Had she found out that I was falling for her? Did she find me weird? Disgusted? An abomination? That I don’t know. All these questions were swirling around in my head.

There was a sting in my chest whenever I was reminded of it.

With the progress we had built as friends, to finally thawed down that ice wall which it took me forever, Nana was there to revert our relationship from the very start as if that never happened. There were no explanations left to me, and I admitted that I was baffled at the sudden change. I kept replaying all the things I did, why Nana began to avoid me like a plague with a contagious, dangerous disease. I thought I was contented with only just being friends with the blonde; however, the more I got to know her, the more I changed my view of her. I learnt that she was this amazing person. People seemed to engrave into their minds that she was an Ice Queen. An Ice, cold-hearted . Aloof. They didn’t simply go their way to know her. People always arrived to negative assumptions. 

Victoria was giving me this look once in awhile. The golden blonde friend of mine perhaps knew what was in my head, knowing that visage of mine was already broadcasting to the whole world what was going on in my head. I didn’t have the bestest ability to hide my emotions. I wished I was like he-. I needed to stop. This whole damn thing was affecting me and the people around me. I didn’t want to drag them with this so called crush of mine, adoration, love or this bull infatuation, naming just everything that linked to whatever I was feeling for her that pertained to the blonde.

“Vic, lets join Nick. We could also play one on one. I haven’t played beer pong in awhile,” I said as looked to my friend. She was about to say something, but she quickly dropped whatever she had in mind, seeing that perturb expression on her face that meant she knew that I was thinking of her.

“Well...sure, I’m gonna kick your pathetic to the kingdom come. You at aiming, but you still dare go your way and asks me. Challenge accepted, boyo!” The short blondie chuckled, shooting her with burning determination to beat her cocky, lop-sided smile.

We headed our way to the backyard pool, pushing and evading the crowd of people. As soon as we got there, we set it up and we commenced the game. This short gameplay had my mind’s off about the beautiful blonde. I did my damndest to every shot, throwing every single bit of frustration I had, and enjoying the game at the same time. I thought luck was on my side, but the tables had turned when I started being like a proud, brunette . My opponent won, so I had to drink her remaining beer cups which were at least eight or nine cups. God, my aim never improved through the years. 

Embarrassing. 

My temples throbbed. I felt hot. I should have brought Jooyeon with me to raid all the booze in the house and chat about everything, though my good friend flew back to her home country as soon as she had finished her exams. Well, that bummed me a bit. 

Victoria had joined her boyfriend while I, the lonely Lizzy Henriksen, was left wandering around this huge ing house. I sometimes talked to people that I knew in campus before I was back alone to myself again. I had never even met Myungsoo as I went around to occupy my bored mind. I had a hunch that he scored tonight. That bastard was lucky as . 

I cradled the bottle of jack before I sat down around the curb, breathing some fresh air that was away from the stuffy, ginormous house. The night was serene and quiet minus the music that was playing inside the house. I drank once again. The liquor had kicked in when my vision greyed out in the corner of my eyes a bit. I was giggling like a retard in the middle of the night without a care if some people who went out to smoke casted a glance at me. I enjoyed the solitude. 

There was a stranger who sat next to me, not really noticing who was it. I was tired with little of energy to even crane my neck to look at the person.

“Hey..,” uttered the person. 

I frowned. I must be hallucinating that sounded just like her. I felt sick and hot, like as if I had a fever. Without a care, I didn’t acknowledge the person next to me.

I took another swig of my drink, sighing contentedly.

“How...are you?” She attempted to strike up a conversation with me.

I got kind of irritated. Why the that girl sounded like Nana ing Snow? With all my willpower, I turned to her, then stopped. The blonde goddess stared at me apprehensively with a tinge of worry showing in her eyes. I was not sure whether my bloodshot eyes’ vision were perceiving the right picture before my very eyes. 

I felt a knot in my stomach. 

“ty,” I answered, hoping she would leave me to relish my temporary detachment from the world. 

I went back to staring at anything that my eyes landed on.

“I’ve missed you, Lizzy,” she mumbled like a frightened kitten, for whatever reasons she shut me out, and she never answered my calls and messages. She missed me? I knew I was acting like a bratty kid, but I needed explanation as to why? I tried to reach her and all. However, I was left in the dark, figuring out what I had done wrong in the past, in exception of what I actually feared of her finding out how I felt for her. We’d known each other for two years, but one day she was shutting me out and casting me aside like a worn out doll.

“Miss me?” I laughed cynically. I admitted I was mad. “When?”

“Lizzy, for so long… I-I it’s hard to-” Nana was startled of my next action, cutting her off her disjunctive, stupid speech, losing my temper in the process.

“Long?! You say?!” I pushed myself up to leave, but my stupid legs wobbled and pulled me back down on the cold pavement as it left me swearing under my breath. “I don’t get you? You just..you just left!”

I bit my tongue after I spouted those words. Why I was acting like a cheated girlfriend. We weren’t even one, so to speak. I couldn’t control my feelings thanks to the liquor.

“I am sorry…Lizzy, if you only knew,” she said with streak of tears falling from her eyes. I was about to say something when suddenly, I felt her slender arms wrapping around my small, fragile body, engulfing me in a warm embrace, burying her face on the crook of my neck.

“Wha-?” 

All anger I had, deflated me a little. A simple longing hug had me speechless. However, I felt kinda annoyed when she was mumbling on my shoulder.

“What…?” I was tired and exhausted. All of my energy was slipping away, eating my consciousness from me.

“For...you,” she said that I couldn’t comprehend.

“Get off…your fac...on my neck,” I said with a low grumble. 

My eyes were fluttering close. I just wanted to sleep, knowing mentally and physically I needed some rest after a long week.

“I said…ve weird feelin...that’s why...avoided you.”

“Feelings? Wha..,” I asked since I was unable to hear any coherent words. 

She retracted herself from me, facing me with trepidation.

“I think...I have feelings, blooming for you,” she confessed with a trembling voice.

Hopefully, that was true, curling up the corner of my mouth with a small smile. I couldn’t even tell whether this reunion with her was a dream or reality until I was consumed by darkness. 

I will let you decide what happens next after Lizzy passes out. I am never going to make a sequel since I don’t have any more ideas coming after this haha. It was supposed to be a Frozen fanfic, but I haven’t written fics in this fandom for two years. I assume. Yeah, I’ll just drop it here and hopefully you’ve enjoyed reading Lizzy’s longing for Nana. I typed it on my phone, so I apologize if the font is kinda small. Unattractive.