Hyukjae groaned as his alarm clock went off once more. It may have been December 24th, but he was in no rush to wake up. He wanted to lay in bed and bask in the warmth that his bed sheets gave, but there was a certain someone who wouldn't let that happen.

"Yah, Lee Hyukjae! No matter how ugly you think you are, all that extra beauty sleep isn't gonna do anything!"

Ahh yes, exactly how Hyukjae wished to be woken up. By an angry, shrill scream that could come from no other than his best friend, Lee Donghae.

"Mmm, Hae, just five more minutes and then I'll get up..."

"Yeah yeah, five more minutes, that's what you said 10 minutes ago. Come on, the kids are gonna be here in an hour, at least make yourself somewhat presentable." Donghae was hitting Hyukjae out of the bed and forced the tired blond up on his feet. Finally having left the bed and still only in his boxers, Hyukjae stretched and stifled a yawn as he dragged his feet towards the bathroom. Donghae watched him go the entire way, and the older male was not oblivious to that fact at all.

"If you're gonna stare at my hot bod, at least make it a little less obvious."

Less than a minute later, Hyukjae was holding his throbbing head as he all but ran to the bathroom. He shut the door swiftly behind him and hopped into the shower, turning it on to drown out Donghae's screeching.

Donghae, now pissed off and slightly (though he would never admit it) embarrassed, headed back down to the kitchen to continue making Christmas dinner for the family. Both his and Hyukjae's would be coming this year, and he was excited to see everyone together once again. It'd been so long since the last time he saw all of his friends, maybe the last time was the wedding?

It didn't matter. All that mattered was that they were going to be together again, and Donghae was more than thrilled. He was preparing a huge turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing and all the works. They were going to eat so much food that they wouldn't be able to walk for the next five days.

While Donghae cooked, he hummed along to some Christmas carols and swayed his hips. He always got way too into the holidays.

"All I want for Christmas, is you~ You, baby!"

The brunet heard a slight chuckle come from the doorway. Startled, he turned and saw Hyukjae leaning against the frame, droplets of water dripping from his still wet hair. He had changed into a casual black dress shirt and skinny jeans, and his wet locks were pointed in every direction. Donghae gave him a small smile before he turned back to tend to the turkey. That needed more attention than the monkey by the door.

"Aww, Hae, aren't you gonna sing me anymore of the song?"

Donghae was bent over, peering into the oven, but he still shot Hyukjae a dirty look. He had to focus on this turkey to get it just right.

"Donghae~ Come on, sing me just a bit-"

"Get out of the kitchen."

"Wha- but I jus-"

"Go, I can't make the turkey like this, leave right now. I'm trying to make food that won't kill everybody like yours does, so get out of this room before the entire kitchen burns down. Hurry up."

"Okay, okay, jeez!"

The doorbell rang five times, and not wanting it to ring a sixth, Donghae, very peeved, yelled at Hyukjae.

"Lee Hyukjae, you good for nothing, answer the ing door!"

Hyukjae sprinted. A peeved Donghae was an angry Donghae, and an angry Donghae was not easy or fun to deal with. Hyukjae had to learn that the hard way.

When he opened the door, he was almost immediately crushed by thousands and thousands (more like four or six) arms that wouldn't let him breathe.

"Okay, okay, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, I understand you're happy to see me, but please, let go of me? I can't breathe for the life of me. Literally."

The two five year olds with death grips quickly let go of him and ran into the house. He heard Donghae's surprised cry of happiness and the children's squeals before laughter emanated from the kitchen. Turning back to the door, he was met with the happy face of his older sister, Lee Sora.

"Hyukjae, sweetheart, it's so good to finally see you again after so long. I'm so glad Donghae invited us over for dinner, and especially at your house. It is the largest out of the family's!"

Hyukjae invited her in and they had a nice conversation catching up and talking about whatever came to their minds. It didn't matter if it didn't make sense, it just mattered that they were together.

Soon after, other relatives and friends slowly started showing up. Hyukjae's parents were there, Donghae's mother and his brother, some of their friends from high school, you name it. Anyone who came to mind was there.

That of course meant that the usual gang was brought together once again.

Back in high school, they were the most popular kids. Everyone wanted to date them, be them, or be close to them. They thought they were the most badass motherers out there, but if you actually knew them, which many did not, then you would have known that they were just your typical hot losers who were failing chemistry.

There were 15 of them at the start; Jungsoo, Heechul, Hangeng, Jongwoon, Youngwoon, Donghee, Sungmin, Hyukjae, Siwon, Zhoumi, Donghae, Ryeowook, Kibum, Kyuhyun and Henry, but then Hangeng moved back to China to take care of his parents, Kibum moved to America to pursue his acting career and Zhoumi and Henry decided to live in China but visit occasionally. That's why they're here today, but not Hangeng or Kibum.

Hyukjae really missed them.

Everyone did.

But they tried to not let it show as they got the party started.

After arriving, Sungmin left his boyfriend, Kyuhyun, to entertain himself while he helped Donghae in the kitchen. Not too long after, dinner was served. Everybody seemed to be having a good time, and it was all so picturesque. Nothing in their lives seemed wrong.

The children had been put to bed long ago, which meant that the alcohol was out and being chugged down like it was water. Heechul was over by the stairs talking to a picture like it was a real person, Youngwoon had climbed on top of the fridge and refused to come down no matter how much Jungsoo tried to seduce him, Siwon was sitting on a rocking horse and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to himself, and everyone else was in the living room talking amongst themselves.

Hyukjae had been talking to Donghae's older brother, Donghwa, about their home back in Mokpo. He was absolutely positive that Donghae missed it, and he wanted to try to get a ticket there so the brunet could visit.

It'd been over 5 years since the last visit.

Hyukjae knew the reason very well why the younger male didn't want to return, but he couldn't help but feel as though Donghae just wanted to go back for a while.

Visit his dad's grave, maybe.

But he stopped thinking those things and thanked Donghwa for the advice. Then they had a nice conversation from that point onwards.

"Sora~ Sungmin~" Donghae slurred out the names as he stumbled his way over. In one hand he had a beer that was barely touched, and judging by how drunk he was, Sungmin knew that that beer was his first drink.

That boy really could not handle his alcohol. Or he just faked it. Either way, he looked really drunk.

"Minnie, take me home!"

Sungmin sighed as he took Donghae into his lap. The brunet sat there and tried to continue drinking his beer, but Sungmin took it away from him and handed it to Sora who was sitting across from him.

"Donghae, sweetie you are home. I don't know where you want me to take you."

"Min... just take me to Hyukkie... I want Hyukkie..."

Sungmin laughed as he ruffled the brown strands of the grown man in his lap.

"Of course you do. You two should just get married already, you're already living together! What else is marriage gonna change?"

Sora chimed in.

"He has a point, Hae. Neither of you are getting any younger, and it's about time you got married. I'm sure Sungmin over here has a plan to make Kyuhyun get down on one knee and pop the question."

Sungmin snorted.

"I don't just have a plan to get him down on one knee, I have a plan to get him down on both knees as well." 

Sungmin and Sora laughed together as it seemed like Donghae instantly sobered up.

"What do you mean Hyukjae and I should get married? We aren't even dating."

"Oh Donghae, I know that, but it's really bound time for you to marry someone. Did you have anyone in mind?"

"Why would you suggest I marry Hyukjae? We're just friends, and nothing more could ever come of it."

"D-Donghae, it was just a joke, you don't need to be getting this defensive about it, alright? I didn't mean it..."

"H-Hyukjae would never think of me like t-that, so why would you suggest that?"

Sungmin and Sora exchanged a look. They had crossed a line that they hadn't even known existed.

"Donghae, do you perhaps... like Hyukjae?"

Donghae laughed a very sad laugh.

"Like? Like is a very vague word, Sungmin. I also don't believe that it can still be called 'like' if you've liked this person for, what is it, almost 15 years now? I think at that point, it starts becoming love. When you'll do anything just to please them, and no matter how wild your feelings get, you keep them inside of you so that they don't find out, so that they don't run from you, so that they don't stop being your best friend. You do all of it for the sake of keeping your friendship alive, because you know that if they found out, everything would go down the drain and you'd be left to cry on your own. Sure, other people would be there and they would try to console you, try to take some of your pain away, but nobody could be as important to you as the one you love. Not only would you lose your best friend that you've had from 20 something years, but you would lose the laughter you get every day, the great family that you've gotten, the roof over your head, pretty much everything that you've ever lived for and loved will be gone. 25 years of getting to know them and having them learn about you, sharing secrets and hobbies and, in general everything. That's why you can't let them know. That's why I can never tell Hyukjae that I l-love him. No matter how much it tears at me and how I'm reminded every day when I see him, I can't ever let him know. I'll lose the most important person in my life."

Donghae had gotten up and was facing the wall. He was already tearing up by the end of his speech of sorts, and Sungmin was right about to comfort him, but someone else beat him to it.

"D-Donghae, you l-love me?"

Donghae's eyes widened as he turned around, and sure enough, Hyukjae was standing there. His grip on the glass of water was tight, as if he didn't know what to do. Nobody did. So instead of trying to explain himself or wait for an answer, the brunet just stumbled back some and ran out the front door, leaving it wide open. Hyukjae just stood there in shock as Sungmin ran past him, calling after the younger male.

Hyukjae collapsed into the chair that Sungmin had just been seated in, and he stared at the wall as he took this new information in. He felt someone grab his hand, and when he turned his head, his sister just smiled a sad sort of smile, squeezed his hand and got up.

"I'll be in a room. Come find me if you need to talk, okay Hyuk?"

Hyukjae just dumbly nodded, too numb to actually make any words.

Sungmin couldn't find him. He had been able to follow him for a while, but Donghae did a lot more sports than he did, and he was a lot faster than him.

Now he was gone and Sungmin didn't know when they'd next be able to see him again. Hopefully in the morning he'd be back.

Hopefully.

Sora timidly walked up to the shut door. She wasn't sure what condition her brother was in, but it certainly could not have been good. Donghae hadn't returned yet, and nobody knew where he was. Not any of their friends, not his mother, not his brother, nobody. Definitely not Hyukjae. When the blond came out of his room earlier in the day for a drink, it was clear that Donghae's absence took a huge toll on him. He was visibly a mess, and Sora didn't want to know how much of an emotional mess he must've been as well.

She knocked three times on the door, softly, before she quietly called out.

"Hyukjae? Are you still alive in there?"

She heard some shuffling, but nothing more.

"Can I come in?"

There was a bit more shuffling and a cough or two before she heard an affirmative grunt. Sora slowly creaked open the door, and was met by a sight much better than she had originally anticipated. The curtains were drawn back and letting the light in, and instead of bottles (which she thought Hyukjae had taken for a 'drink') all over the floor, there were only tissues, symbolizing the fact that yes, the blond male had indeed cried last night.

The red eyes were also a giveaway, but Sora wasn't looking closely enough beforehand to notice them.

Hyukjae was seated on his bed, staring at the door where his sister now stood. His eyes were empty, as though the life had been out of him. Then again, they pretty much had been. He'd been together with Donghae for over 20 years, Sora couldn't imagine what it felt like to lose him.

"Hyukjae, are you alright?"

Her brother laughed.

"How can I be alright? I just found out last night that my best friend has been in love with me for... what did he say? 15 years? Do you know how ing long that is? That's more than half of my life! He's spent half of his life in love with me, and I had absolutely no ing clue! I feel terrible, not just because I can't return those feelings, but because I had no idea about them in the first place! If I had known, I would've done whatever I could have to make him stop liking me so much, to try to let him down easy, but I just ended up stringing him along and giving him hope that he shouldn't have had in the first place! I'm such a horrible person, and last night, with how he reacted when he knew that I knew, he obviously had no plans of ever telling me his feelings towards me. He was going to hide them from me for however long he could. He would've watched me get married, for god's sake, just so that I wouldn't stop being his friend. The fact that I mean so much to him that he would give up ever loving anyone to have me as a best friend, and for me to just let him go like that, throw him away, do you know how bad I feel? I could've literally said anything else, I could have just ignored it, like he's been doing for all these years, but I just had to open my dumb mouth and say those words. God, I'm such an idiot. I lost such a good friend, and I just need him back! I don't care if he loves me, I just need him here to be with me, to laugh at my jokes, to make my day! You wouldn't happen to know where he is yet, would you?"

Hyukjae stared up at Sora with big, sad eyes, but Sora could only look at him with disappointment.

"I'm sorry Hyuk, but no, we haven't found him yet. But do you really think that what you just said would be okay? Even if he loves you, you just want him as a friend? You know Hyukjae, no matter how hard you try, you just can't be friends with someone you're in love with, because you'll always just end up wanting more even though you know they'll never reciprocate your feelings. You'll just be trapped in this cage that you've set up for yourself, knowingly walking into it and locking the door. That's basically what you're telling Donghae to do. You need him as a friend, I understand that, but you need to think about what this is doing to him. Yes, I've seen him in the daytime, and he's so spry, so happy. He's such a wonderful person and deserves the best for him, but even though you live in the same house, have you ever seen what he does during the nighttime? I can bet you, that more often than not, he cries. He desperately wants you, needs you, but he knows he can never have you for the fear of losing you. You need him as a friend, but he needs you as more. And don't you dare say that you can be more than just a friend to him, because we both know that forcing yourself to love someone else is even worse and hurts them even more than not loving them at all. That false hope you build up scars them when the entire façade falls apart. So you have to decide right now, are you going to be selfish and beg that boy to come back to you, force him to stay with you no matter how much it tears him apart, or will you let him go and let him be free while he tries to figure out what's going on in his head? It's your choice, really, because you know that Donghae is at your beck and call. If you just so as much as say his name, he'll be here for you because you just mean that much to him. He'll drop everything for you in a second, including the feeling that is desperately clawing at him, telling him to let you know how he feels."

Sora looked deep into Hyukjae's eyes, and the man looked as though he had a sudden revelation.

"Oh my god... I've been hurting him so much... I can't believe it... b-but, but Sora, I can't live without him! He means so much to me too, I can't do it! I know he needs me as more than just a friend, but I don't know if I can give it to him. I mean, yeah sure, he's definitely attractive, and he cooks really well, and his personality is the cutest one I've ever met, but those are only just a few things! He dresses really well, he gives the best cuddles, he always supports me whenever I do anything... oh my god."

Sora looked at him incredulously.

"D-do I-"

"Hyuk, have you ever been in love before?"

Hyukjae very hesitantly shook his head.

His sister groaned.

"You're such a mess."

"I know."

"You're so annoying to deal with, I do not understand how Donghae can handle you."

"Well obviously he can't, considering the fact that he ran away- . We still need to find him, don't we?"

Sora nodded. Hyukjae just sighed and got up. He's really stupid. Donghae meant so much to him, he just never realized. He always thought that he would grow up with someone he loved and have beautiful children together, living in a dream house until they died of old age. Of course he could still so that with the brunet, but he just always thought that it'd be a woman. That's what he'd been raised to think, anyways, but he didn't have any problems with homouals. In fact, the blond did believe that he just found himself to be one. Or he was just Haeual.

He really didn't know. There was still some things to figure out.

Including figuring out where Donghae is.

Hyukjae ended up staying in bed for the rest of the day. He had absolutely no idea where Donghae was, and it was no use to just run and try to find him. If that boy didn't want to be found, nobody was going to find him. He was very good at very odd things.

The blond was scrolling through his camera roll. Pictures of him with Donghae littered the feed, with the occasional photo of his dog or his parents. He smiled at all the memories that were on his screen, from first moving in to the party last night, every fun moment was captured and saved, and Hyukjae could not have been more pleased with his past self.

His phone suddenly rang and the caller was an unknown number. Thinking it may be Donghae calling from a payphone (he has crazy hopes and dreams), he picked up.

"Hello? Donghae?"

The voice on the other side of the line snorted.

"Nah, but you're close. It's Yunho, remember, from high school?  Yeah, so that little idiot Donghae ran to my house at like two in the morning yesterday blubbering about telling some Hyuk person something by accident and how 'he knew, he knew'. Look, I don't know what you know, exactly, but it seems to have taken a great toll on Donghae. The kid won't talk to me anymore, either, so I'm really concerned. You wouldn't mind telling me what's going on, would you? Unless, of course, it's not my business to interrupt. If that's the case, I can just give you my address and then you can come take him back to your house- you guys still live together, right? I remember you planning to do that after you graduated, did you go through with it? It's been ten years now, hasn't it? Wow. I mean-"

"Hey, Yunho?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you shut up for two seconds, maybe? You're stressing me out."

"Oh, uh, yeah. Okay. Sorry about that, Hyukjae."

Hyukjae pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Donghae had run to Yunho's house and hid out there since he knew that nobody remembered Yunho. It was sad, but true. Yunho had only ever remained in contact with the younger male, so it made sense that only he knew where Yunho was. It would've been a fool proof plan, had Donghae included the possibility of Yunho calling someone. But he hadn't, and now Hyukjae was slipping on his shoes as he grabbed his jacket and keys and ran out the front door, all the while listening carefully to the directions that would help him find his way back home.

Because home is where the heart is.

Hyukjae reached the quaint little house in no time. They lived very close together, apparently.

He knocked on the door very quietly, and Yunho almost immediately appeared at the door.

"Hyukjae!" He whisper-yelled (do you know what that is).

"Yunho!" Hyukjae whisper-yelled back.

"Come on, Donghae's just lying face down on the sofa. He hasn't moved in five hours. I think he might be dead." Yunho pursed his lips at the end of his sentence while he looked straight at Hyukjae. The shorter male just stared at him in disbelief.

"Okay, uhh, if you thought he might be dead, why didn't you do anything?!" Hyukjae's voice rose up near the middle of his sentence before it dropped back down again. He definitely did not want Donghae to know that he was here. If he did, then he might run away again, and it might not be as easy to find him this time. 

The blond male just ended up shaking his head and signalling to Yunho to follow behind him. Today was going to be a long day if he had to drag Yunho around his own house.

When Hyukjae finally found Donghae, who was indeed lying face first on the sofa, he sent the tall male behind him to go do something, anything, really, just to avoid disturbing him while he talked to Donghae.

When Yunho left, Hyukjae walked up to the couch and using his foot, pushed Donghae.

"Mmm, Yunho... no. I don't wanna get up."

Hyukjae pushed him again.

"Yunho! I said I didn't want to get up!"

One more time.

"Yah, Jung Yunho! I told you, I don't want to get up- hello."

Hyukjae smirked at the now thoroughly surprised male who was still lying on the sofa, might I remind you. He only just lifted his face up to yell at Yunho, who coincidentally wasn't even there.

"Hello, Donghae."

Donghae shifted and sat up properly on the couch. He wouldn't look Hyukjae in the eye, and just decided to play with the loose threads on Yunho's couch. He was visibly nervous, and he looked as though he was ready to crawl back into a hole that he dug for himself and never come out.

"Hey, Donghae, look at me." Hyukjae tried coaxing him gently. Not too loud but not too gentle, firm, but not aggressive.

Donghae peeked up at him momentarily before averting his gaze once again. That made Hyukjae sigh. He sat down on the floor and faced away from the brunet who failed to cooperate.

"You know, Donghae, keeping secrets isn't a good thing. Who knows, maybe when you finally tell somebody, they'll have a secret to tell you too. Maybe it'll be a good one, that after it's told, there'll be a happy ending-"

"But maybe you don't need to hear it because you already know what it is and it isn't one that makes a happy ending." 

Hyukjae turned around and stared at Donghae, long and hard. The brunet's eyes were red and puffy, but he was still staring at Hyukjae with unmoving eyes. He definitely hadn't wanted any of this to happen, but now that it had, there was no going back.

"Look, Hyukjae, I'm not gonna deny anything. Yes, I'm in love with you, and I have been for 15 years now. You're my best friend and I never want to lose you. I hope you at least feel the same about me in that aspect. I know you don't, could never feel the same way as me, but I can't just stay beside you everyday and pretend that I don't want you. I've already done it for so long and it's breaking me into pieces. I can't keep doing this Hyuk, I can't."

"Donghae! Stop! Nobody told you to. Nobody told you you had to do anything! I'm an idiot because I never realized it and I put you through so much pain, but I love you too, Hae. I love you and I'm stupid because I thought it was just because you were my best friend, and you are, but when you told me how you felt, it was like a million weights were lifted off of my shoulders and I felt oddly at peace. Then you left, and this really uncomfortable feeling just kept welling up inside of me, and I couldn't bear it. You are so important to me Hae-"

Donghae had leaned forward and kissed Hyukjae with everything he had. He was physically and emotionally drained from all the running and crying he had done last night, but he would always have enough energy for a kiss with the one he loved most.

When he pulled back, Hyukjae was looking at him with soft, kind eyes, the ones he was used to seeing.

"Y-you sure you're not just feeling pity or loneliness right now and you're mistaking it for love? Because if you really do say that you love me right now, there's no taking it back. You'll be stuck with me forever and I'll never leave your side."

Hyukjae just laughed and pecked Donghae's lips once again.

"I'm sure, Hae. I love you, and I'll never leave your side again."

They smiled at each other and leaned forward for a kiss when they heard someone cough from behind them.

"That's beautiful and all, and I'm glad you two figured everything out, but if you're going to have , please, not on the couch."

Donghae threw a pillow at him and the two of them left Yunho's house.

When the two of them got back to the house, Baekhyun and Chanyeol had already woken up and everybody was running around trying to control Sora's child and his best friend. Those two were huge trouble makers, Hyukjae couldn't wait to see what they'd be like in high school.

He and Donghae may or may not have told the two kids some pranks that they used to play on their friends, and then they ran upstairs when they heard the first scream.

Ahh, good times.

Good times.

Hyukjae woke up to some light prodding on his stomach. He groaned and rolled over so that the poking would cease, but it just continued on his back.

"Hae... stop it... I'm not entirely woken up yet... let me sleep."

Donghae pouted and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

"No. It's already two in the afternoon. Hurry up and wake up. Put some clothes on too, you ert."

That got Hyukjae's attention. He peeked out of the corner of his eye and saw Donghae was sitting up and typing away on his phone. Shifting slightly, he got into a more advantageous position and threw his arm over the upright male and pulled him down on top of him, a small scream accompanying the brunet as he went down. He landed right on top of the blond, and he was looking right into his eyes.

Hyukjae laughed a little and smiled a gummy smile. Donghae just smiled back at him softly and pecked his lips. He cuddled closer to Hyukjae to get more comfortable.

"I guess we can stay in bed for five more minutes."

Hyukjae hummed into Donghae's neck before a thought occurred to him. He pulled his head back and whispered right in the younger male's ear.

"Merry Christmas, Hae." 

a/n: longest  ive ever written

5000 words of pure bull

hope you enjoy it

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE WHOOP WHOOP

HOPE YOU ALL GET 80 BILLION DOLLARS AND TICKETS TO THE NEXT SUPER SHOW WITH EUNHAE CAUSE WE ALL KNOW THEYLL BE MEANINGLESS WITHOUT THEM

LOVE YOUUUU~