I.

Doubts

                “Do you still love me?” Yoseob whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

 

                It had been two weeks since they last met. A week since the last answered phone call. Yoseob had tried to call a lot of times and had sent a lot of text messages after that, but all calls and messages were left unanswered. It was as if Junhyung was intentionally avoiding him. Yoseob didn’t understand why. They seemed happy the last time they were together.

 

                “I…I…of course I do. Why would you think otherwise?” Junhyung shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t want to see Yoseob cry.

 

                “Then why are you avoiding me?” Yoseob asked, tears glistening on his face. “Why weren’t you answering my calls? If I hadn’t come here, would you even make time to talk to me?”

 

                “I…had to go on a sudden trip for work,” Junhyung answered.

 

                “And you didn’t even tell me?” Yoseob ruffled his hair in frustration. “Do I even mean something to you?”

 

                Junhyung sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you it was sudden and important?”

 

                “Much more important than me?” Yoseob stared at Junhyung, hurt evident in his eyes.

 

                Junhyung reached out to touch Yoseob’s hand but Yoseob swatted it away. “Yoseob, please. Let’s stop this. I’m sorry, okay? Please don’t cry.” Junhyung pulled him into a hug. This time, Yoseob didn’t push him away.

 

                “Promise me you won’t do it again,” Yoseob said, his voice muffled by Junhyung’s shirt, his arms encircling his boyfriend’s waist. “Promise me you’ll only love me.”

 

                “I promise I…won’t do it again,” Junhyung said. A sudden ringing came from Yoseob’s pocket. Junhyung gently removed Yoseob’s arms from his waist. “I think you need to go back. I have to go back to work, too. I’ll meet you later for dinner?”

 

                “Okay,” Yoseob replied, a small smile on his lips. “I love you.”

 

                “Yeah, you too,” Junhyung answered as he watched Yoseob walk towards the door.

 

                Junhyung turned around and took a deep breath. They were on his workplace’s rooftop. He decided to clear his mind for a few minutes before going back when a hand clapped him on the shoulder.

 

                “Love problems?” It was Yoon Doojoon, the ever-curious co-worker.

 

                Junhyung sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

                “If you’re having doubts, best break up with him already.” Doojoon patted Junhyung’s back twice. “Anyway, the boss is looking for you. Clear your mind before coming down. But don’t take too long!”

 

                Junhyung watched as Doojoon headed towards the door. “If you’re having doubts, best break up with him already.” How could the guy say something like that so easily? Junhyung shook his head and followed Doojoon back into the building.

~~~~~~~~

                Five days had passed.

 

                “Should I order ramen or should I order kimbab?” Yoseob asked, tilting his head to the side.

 

                “Geez, Yoseob, just eat what you want.” Junhyung smiled a bit.

 

                 Yoseob pouted. “But I can’t decide! I want to eat both! Should I order both?”

 

                Junhyung waited for that familiar fluttering feeling everytime Yoseob pouts. It didn’t come. The same feeling that used to overwhelm him whenever Yoseob did even the slightest thing seemed to have deserted him altogether. He looked at Yoseob’s lips and waited for the familiar thump of excitement that came from knowing that this beautiful human being in front of him is his. But all he felt was emptiness. No matter how hard he tried to revive his feelings for the man he had loved for three years, there was nothing left.

 

                A sudden snap of fingers brought Junhyung back to his senses. “Hey, were you even listening to me?” Yoseob frowned.

 

                “Oh, uhm, sorry…what were you saying?” Junhyung fidgeted with the hem of the tablecloth.

 

                Yoseob sighed. “I said let’s go eat fish cakes afterwards.”

 

                Junhyung laughed nervously. “Uh…yeah, sure.”

 

                Yoseob frowned again. “Are you alright? Why do you seem so tense?”

 

                “I…uh…I don’t feel well. Let’s just…finish the meal and head home.” Junhyung faked a cough.

 

                They ate in silence. Yoseob knew something was wrong, but he was too afraid to talk about it. He was afraid that it might be more than just “not feeling well.” He was afraid that the night might end with tears. Above all, he was afraid of losing the person that mattered to him the most.

 

                Junhyung eyed his partner. It wasn’t like Yoseob at all to keep quiet whenever he tells him he is not feeling well. Yoseob would usually rush to his side and do everything to make him feel better. Apparently not this time. Junhyung felt a pang of guilt. He didn’t want to hurt Yoseob. He never wanted to hurt Yoseob.

 

                The walk back home from the restaurant had been the most agonizing fifteen minutes of Yoseob’s life. He could feel Junhyung walking beside him, but at the same time it also felt like he wasn’t there. He could sense Junhyung’s hand just inches away from his. He badly wanted to hold it tightly and never let go; if only that could prevent Junhyung from walking away from his life permanently. Yoseob bit his lip and tried to keep the tears from falling.

 

                They arrived in front of Yoseob’s house.

 

                “So I guess this is it,” Yoseob quietly said.

 

                Junhyung looked at him. “What do you mean?”

 

                Yoseob smiled sadly. “Do you still love me?” he asked, a tear rolling down his cheek.

 

                “I…I…” Junhyung whispered, “I’m sorry.” He turned around and walked away. He didn’t want to see Yoseob cry. “Goodbye.”

~~~~~~~~

Song inspirations: Beast's The Last Word and Jimmy Bondoc's Let Me Be The One

~~~

ABOUT 6 HOURS AGO I LEARNED THAT BEAST IS COMING TO MANILA ON MARCH GOOD LORD PH B2UTYS HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 5 YEARS OH MY GOD FINALLY! Please excuse me while I continue crying in the corner. /sobs

I've actually finished this story before the announcement so yep. It's a good thing though, because I probably won't be able to finish this anymore if they had announced the fanmeeting beforehand  LOL

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
SONES_B2UTY
#1
Chapter 1: Awee. What a nice story. Maybe u can make a sequel? :))))
You went to the concert in Manila?
orenjuice #2
Chapter 1: Ah~Good for you...go see them and have the best moment in your life ^^ Meanwhile I shall continue sobbing in my lonely corner TT
barscheviel #3
Chapter 1: I'm so happy for you.. I hope you can see Junseob's moment directly.. Thank for the story, it's so sad.. I hope Junhyung regretted what he has done to Yoseob, hehe.. /Ignore me/ it's a nice story..