It was one of those days again. Jimin was all over the place yet he wasn't. He had those off days more and more often and nobody really knew what to do about it. All members wanted to help but no one could, it seemed. And Hoseok felt so hopeless because of it, which was rather unusual for him.
Everything was good and covered in sunshine, Jimin was a sunshine and then all of a sudden something in him snapped and he was... he wasn't himself. He was saying things he would never normally say and he was doing even worse things. Letting him on his own even for a little while always ended up very badly, when he was on the brink of madness. The only thing J-Hope could do was see him slowly destruct himself with his off days and it was destroying both of them. And today was one of the worst days in a long while, Jimin was just out of his mind. He was screaming at everybody trying to talk to him, he tried to drink everything he found and Hope was just lost.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked softly, blocking the door from his and Jimin's room when Jimin decided to get some alcohol for himself if he can't get any here.
"Why are you doing this?! Just let me go, for god's sake!" Jimin screamed in response. He couldn't calm down, his soul was hurting. He couldn't handle it sober.
"Jimin, please. Stop this...," Hobi continued using a soft voice, he tried to be as calm as he could. "What is wrong? What's happening in your head? Let me help you, tell me what's wrong. Please."

Jimin shook his head in anger and walked in circles around their room, knocking things down on his way. What was he supposed to say? Hope wouldn't understand, nobody would understand. He was alone in this, he was alone in everything. He has always been. He could go few days trying to pretend everything was okay and he was happy ray of sunshine but something always happened. Something that made him snap. He's awlays been like this, ever since he could remember. There were people trying to get him help, including his family, but he never used their offers. And he couldn't remember a day in his life where he felt... okay. Normal. Because he wasn't. And every day that went by just reassured him about it. There was a moment where he felt like everything was good and it was when he met Hoseok. He really was his hope, for a while. When Hobi held him, Jimin felt right. He thought maybe this was what he was missing his whole life. He even stopped taking medication for a little bit. But then it went right back to where it was before when Hope just... wasn't his. Not as much as Jimin needed him to be. Not as much as alcohol and medication was.

"Everything is wrong! You just don't understand, nobody understands! You are all happy in your own little words and I'm... just let me be!" he screamed again, throwing a book against the wall. 
"I cannot let you be, Jimin, if letting you be means you hurt yourself. Why do you keep pushing me away?" Hope decided to take few steps towards Jimin, but still staying far enough to let him his space.
"Stop pretending you care!"
"Pretending? I do care. I've always cared and I always will. You need to stop this, you need to stop ruining yourself. Don't do this, Jimin. You're so handsome and talented and-"
"Stop lying!" Jimin screamed hysterically and bursted into tears. 
"I'm not lying. You're so beautiful, how don't you see it? I've always been telling you so, you are beautiful human being," Hoseok said and took few more steps closer, softly taking Jimin's hand and pulling him for a tight hug. "How can you not see what I see? I love you, Jimin."
"Don't say this," Jimin whispered softly, crying so hard he couldn't even breathe properly. "Stop lying to me...," he sobbed. His anger went away and sadness took over once again. He colapsed in J-Hope's arms and just cried. 
"You know I'm not lying. You know I love you," Hoseok was just as devasted as Jimin was, seeing somebody you love so ruined and not being able to properly help them was just heartbreaking. It was like this for years now. Jimin was okay and cuddly and loving and they were good and then this happened and he seemed like he genuinely didn't believe Hoseok loved him.
"How could you love somebody like me? I'm a m-mess..."
"You're my mess, Jimin," he said and slowly lifted Jimin's head up to look into his eyes. "I love you," he repeated and gently kissed him. Jimin broke even more, his knees broke and he fell on the floor, together with Hoseok still holding him. Hoseok was holding him as tight as he could, his back and swinging from side to side, trying to calm Jimin down at least a little bit. He just couldn't understand what was going on in Jimin's head. At all.
"I don't want to live anymore, I can't live like this anymore," Jimin whispered, trying to stop crying so hard.
"Why? What's wrong? What is so horribly wrong about your life?"
"Me. I'm wrong. I hate everything about... about.... me," he sobbed and hid his face in Hobi's neck. He needed to get everything out, he couldn't keep it in anymore. He just couldn't bare it. "I don't deserve to live, I'm a waste of space. Everybody would be better off without me."

J-Hope's heart skipped a beat when he heard a person he loved say such words. Was this what was breaking Jimin's soul all the time? He just didn't feel worthy of anything? Hoseok didn't know what to say, his soul was breaking together with Jimin's.

"Why don't you see what I see? Jimin, I need you, I wouldn't be better off without you. Do you understand me? I love you, I-"
"Love is a lie, it doesn't exist."
"It doesn't? How else would you explain this... us, then?"
"A good ?" Jimin grinned, he was slowly getting back to his angry mood. It was easier then being sad and broken. 
"Is this all I am for you?"
"And if it is?" he looked at Hoseok and shrinked back a little. 
"But it's not. Stop trying to push me away, I will never leave you. Do you hear me? I won't leave you, Jimin, I promise you," he said, determined to keep his word. He pulled Jimin closer by his neck again and kissed him once more, not letting go this time. He held his face in his hands and was kissing Jimin slowly and lovingly and he smiled a little bit for himself when he felt Jimin giving in to it and kissing him back. He laid Jimin on the floor and ended up on top of him, his hands gently rubbing Jimin's hips and thighs. Jimin exhaled and opened his eyes, just to make sure Hope is really there, and closed them again, wrapping his arms around Hope's neck and legs around his waist. All the bad feelings were slowly exiting his body and the love he felt coming from Hoseok replaced them.
"You're so beautiful," Hoseok whispered and gently bit Jimin's lip, making him moan silently. "You're my world, I couldn't exist without you. Let me get you help, professional help. So you can see yourself like I see you." If there was any right moment to suggest this, it was now. And Hoseok wasn't gonna lose him. No way.
Jimin was looking at Hobi's face for a while, caressing every detail of his face and remembering all the little details.
"Okay," he finally nodded.

It wasn't going to be easiest path but it was still worth it. He wasn't sure he was worth it yet, but he knew what he had with Hoseok indeed was.