He promised me if I gave him my time, he’d give me the world. At first I didn't believe him. I grew up in a world where people tend to not keep their promises. He was determined though. I was attracted to that determination.

 

So I took the first step.

 

With y, seductive brown eyes and a naive smile, he really did give me the world. Must I say, the world I got to see, hear, smell, touch: lights, laughter, beating hearts, bodies intertwined - we became one. He showed me what it was like to feel as one with another human being.

 

I have to admit, it’s magical. Like you know how the fairy godmother twirls her wand and we see the magic flow to Cinderella and her ugly torn dress turns into a beautiful, flowy, blue gown? That's what it felt like. Magic that grabbed my heart and his heart and turned it into one.

 

It's so magnificent.

 

I never thought that with each fastened beat of my heart, it could be caused by love. Wait is it love? When he pulls me into his warm embrace before I fall asleep? Or the moments he'd just randomly give me a back hug or peck on the lips; call me just to tell me he's thinking about me and that he likes me so much that he’d even say, “...my heart could explode.” Is that what you call love?

 

If so, then I don't want it. It's scary. Putting your trust into one person and one person only. Well I thought I didn't want it. But as time flew by and I got to know him on more of a personal level, I realized I was wrong about multiple things:

 

I do want love. I want love with him. No one else. He is the only person who gave me the attention that I didn't even realize I desperately craved for. When I'm down, he brings me up. When I'm scared, he holds me and whispers, “you’re okay. You have nothing to be afraid of because I'm here. I'm here and I will always be.” And when he's happy, my world seems even happier than the last.

 

Without even realizing it, he broken down the barriers that I didn't even know I built around me. He dug into my head and pulled out the secrets that I pushed to the back. The secrets that were little voices in my head. For that, I am most grateful.

 

Staring into his chocolate brown eyes, I feel insecure. I didn't use to, but now I do. Because it's been two years since we first met and I don't know his secrets, his past, his sufferings; only his dreams and aspirations. He knows all of me. Now I want him to feel the same way I feel when he's staring into my eyes.

 

One night we were watching this romantic comedy TV show. I remember leaning into his side and him smiling down at me every so often. It made my heart race. Not only that we were also sharing a blanket since we both felt so ‘lazy’ to get up and get another one.

 

Anyways I remember laughing so hard at this particular show because the lead guy didn't want the lead girl at first, then he got super possessive and jealous of her when she stopped giving him attention and instead focused it on the sweet second lead guy. His jealousy is the funny part! And sometime along the movie, I fell asleep on him. Till I got awoken by soft, light kisses being pressed all over my face.

 

I'd be the first to admit that it actually felt really nice waking up to that. Since I didn't want to ruin the moment. I laid still with my eyes shut, begging my heart to not accelerate. I did not want to get caught.

 

I felt him kiss his way to my ear and he bit softly, tugging lightly. “I know you're awake.”

 

Let me change my mind: I refuse to get caught. My eyes stayed shut and my body laid stiff and frozen. He chuckled low and y, and blew softly into my ear. That tickled. “Come on, baby. Open up your beautiful brown eyes for me...pretty please.”

 

Ergh. “I don't want to,” I mumbled softly, wrapping my arms around his neck slyly. He nuzzled my neck and I felt his lips forming into a smile.

 

“I said 'please’, baby,” he breathed against my neck. That made me giggle cutesy.

 

“No. I'm supposed to be asleep,” I said firmly.

 

He didn’t care how ‘firm’ I sound. I suppose it must have been because my answer didn't satisfy him. He placed his hands on my hips and he pushed me into a laying position. With his body in between my legs, he took advantage.

 

Oh boy, I knew exactly what he was trying to do. I refused to fall for it.

 

“What about now?” he whispered, face still snuggled against my neck.

 

“No.” I kept my resolve. I am a woman of my word.

 

“Please,” he begged cutely. Although his lips were far from cute as he moved his mouth to...my sensitive spot. Without warning, he hard and I gasped, my eyes snapping open.

 

“Uuu..” I moaned quietly. That felt so good. Momentarily forgetting my current situation, lover boy pulled back and I saw his smirking face. Instantly I knew what he did. That little cheat! “You - ugh! Cheater!”

 

“You never said there were any rules,” he pointed out.

 

“Whatever.” I huffed, turning my face away angrily.

 

He laughed loudly before leaning down and cupping my face into his hands. His minty breath blew fanned my face before I felt and heard his sweet whisper an inch away from my lips. “Sorry, baby. I couldn't help it.” Then he pressed his mouth against mine and I arched my body into his, physically begging for the passion that was due to happen.

 

That night - no fireworks exploded. Nothing physical besides heavy kissing happened. Not going to lie, I did tell him it's okay if he wanted to, but he said, “let's just be patient, love.” And that’s fine by me.

 

With the events that happened that day, I took my second step.

 

Three years more had come and gone. If I'm not mistaken, it's our fifth year together.

 

“Five special years has gone by and I'm still incredibly in love with you,” he said, staring at me from across the table. Sweet pink, thin lips looked so delectable. I couldn't help leaning over the table to press a chaste kiss on him. He looked at me surprised.

 

“I couldn't help it,” I said and shrugged nonchalantly. His smile grew bigger and I sent him a quick wink as our host came by our table.

 

It's funny how this relationship between him and me worked. I laid all my cards on the table and I'm standing here bare skinned in front of him, feeling more insecure as time flew by. Yet he stands in front me with two jokers on the table and his body still fully clothed. He probably feels secure and safe because he really has nothing to play with the exception of the two jokers.

 

Five years is here and still the only thing that I've managed to get out him is his determination to make his goals come true. Still nothing about his past, his family, everything about him that matters besides his aspirations. It hurts, but I don't him to know that. He does so much for me as it is and my suffering will ended only being added to list of things he knows about me.

 

Though him and I are often playful and content with each other, it doesn't mean there isn't that bitter feelings at times. Some days, more or less, during our quiet moments is when I feel at my most bitter. I don't why but I just feel that irritation that bubbles within me on why, why won't he just tell me about himself.

 

“What's your family like?” I asked, snuggling into his side. He had his arm wrapped around my waist and he held me tightly.

 

“They're loving and caring people. I love them a lot,” he said.

 

“Can I meet them?” I looked up at him.

 

“You want too?” He seemed shocked at my question when he looked down at me.

 

“After five years of being together, don't you think it’s appropriate for me to meet them?” I questioned.

 

“I guess.” He shrugged.

 

“You can meet mine, if it makes you feel better?” I suggested.

 

“It's not that. It’s just right now I have situation with my family at the moment and I don't you to be involved in it.” He let go of me and sighed deeply, leaning forward on his knees.

 

Though I did want to push him about the subject, I held back because he looked...conflicted. That is a first for me to see. So slowly I went behind him and wrapped my arms and legs around his body and rested my cheek against his back. “I'm always here for you, okay?”

 

“Okay. Thank you, my love,” he said, squeezing my hand tightly. I didn't mind. If I could a strength for him, I will help with all I got.

 

Like I said some days I felt the irritation. Most days I ignored that itch to my nosy curiosity because I didn't want to push him. I felt the fear that if I did, he would up and leave me for the dust. What would become of me if he left?

 

That question is something I never wanted to know the answer of.

 

I took my third step.

 

Another year has flown by. Unfortunately it’s been a hard year as lover boy left me to pursue his dream: becoming an idol.

 

The thing is I wished he had the decency to tell me he was leaving at the least. But nope, one day, he just up and left. Nothing about his whereabouts. How sad for me, someone who is dating him, didn't even know he left because he got casted. Instead I had to find out through a mutual friend. I mean, a text message from him would have sufficed!

 

Tears sprung in my eyes as I walked around the garden of Destinies. So many beautiful flowers filled with peace, harmony, and love. Maybe I’m over exaggerating. I tend to do that nowadays. Just like how most days I dream that he came back for me with a ridiculous excuse why he couldn't tell me that day.

 

How foolish of me.

 

“Is this your first time?” he asked me softly. Running his hands through my hair, I felt more comfortable and soothed.

 

“Yes,” I answered honestly. He nodded and leaned down to press his mouth against mine. And I closed my eyes, preparing myself for what was to come.

 

The next morning after that night, he was gone and I couldn't get into contact with him. He hurt me. Although it didn't exactly hurt the way I thought it would have. Maybe it’s because I always prepared myself for this day.

 

“Hey,” someone called out to me. I looked up and it’s the mutual friend that told me about his departure.  

 

“Hey. What's up?”

 

“Lover boy is on TV. Come and see,” she said and grabbed my wrist, pulling me along. I followed without a fight. Yes, I'm mad that he left me. Yes, I want to punch him for it.

 

Also yes, I forgive him.

 

In that moment that I stood there, watching the TV and seeing his smiling face. I acknowledged the fact I was wrong about him. He did place all of his cards on the table with me. I didn't understand before that those dreams and aspirations that he always told me about was his past, present and sufferings.

 

Funny how that works, I was blinded by the bitterness of not knowing him as well as he knew me that I didn't even realize I did know him just as well. I just didn't go more into depth about it, if that makes any sense because it does to me.

 

Anyways like I said before, he broke my barriers and revealed every inch of me that I wished I could take back…some days. Other days, I'm glad he forced me to open up myself to someone because in a way, I feel like I learned something from this last six years of being with him.

 

Love is a painful beauty. Enjoy it.

 

So I leaped off the cliff and into waves of faith.

 

“‘I put my trust in you. The end.’”

 

I closed the book with a gentle thud and placed it back on the bedside next to me. Then I turned the lamp off and laid down, draping an arm around my lover’s midsection.

 

“Finally you are done, Mrs. Wang! I thought I was going to die of loneliness if you stayed reading any longer,” Jackson said, wrapping his arm around my back to pull me closer to his chest.

 

“I'm sure, Mr. Wang.” I rolled my eyes and leaned my cheek against his chest.

 

Frankly speaking, he really did give me the world and I'm at my most happiest than I've ever been in my life.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you more, Jackson Wang.”

 

“No way! I love you more!”

 

“No! I do. I said it first. No take backs!”

 

“I'll take as my many take backs I want.”

 

“No!”

 

“I love you more!” Jackson whispered into my ear. Then he bit the tip of my ear hard.

 

“Ow!”

 

“I win.” Jackson pumped his fist into the enthusiastically before I kneed him in the groin.

 

 

Jackson: -1

Me: +1

 

The End.