Myungsoo let himself fall back on his bed the moment he reached his dimly lit room. Letting out a sigh, he put his arm above his head and closed his eyes momentarily. He turned to his side and grabbed the closest photo frame from the nightstand. He stared at it for a few minutes before flinging it to the wall, cringing when he heard the shattering of the glass when it smashed. All he could feel was anger. Myungsoo hated himself for not being able to protect her. He hated himself for putting work before her. He hated himself for ignoring her calls.  Myungsoo hated himself, so much.

“Hyung?” there was a knock on the door. Myungsoo sat up and said a soft ‘come in’ and wiped the tears away from his face. Sungjong slowly opened the door and was greeted by a smiling Myungsoo despite his obvious bloodshot eyes.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Myungsoo tried to be as friendly as possible, with the biggest grin plastered on his face, till his dimples were showing.

“You too,” Sungjong glanced at him before settling down beside him.

It was a moment of silence- only their breathings could be heard. Not the awkward kind of silence, but the kind of silence that Myungsoo needed. He detested sympathy; he felt that he didn’t need any. He needed someone to be beside him, letting him know that he wasn’t alone in this painful battle.

“Yah, say something. Don’t just come in here and keep quiet,” tears rolled down Myungsoo’s cheeks again and this time, he didn’t bother to wipe them away. He continued to let them fall. He hung his head down lifelessly and tried to swallow a sob. He didn’t want to be weak in front of Sungjong, he didn’t want to be weak in front of anybody. He didn’t want unwanted attention, he didn’t want any sympathy. He held back his pain throughout the funeral, hoping that no one would notice his feelings. But Sungjong knew better.

“It’s okay to cry, you know?” Sungjong bit his lip and glanced at Myungsoo again. His hand was above Myungsoo’s shoulder, not sure if he should put it down or not. It was a first time for him to see Myungsoo break down like that; Myungsoo was always proud of himself and her, he was always the one who comforted others, never the other way around.

“Sungjong-ah...” there was a tremble in his voice when he softly said his name. More tears flowed out and Myungsoo was out of breath. He had been crying for at least half an hour now, and Sungjong was beside him the whole time.

“The tears won’t stop, what do I do? My heart won’t accept the fact that she’s gone, what do I do?” Myungsoo shut his eyes tight and let out another anguished cry.

“I miss her so much; I feel I’m going to die. What do I do?”

“Sorry,” Ye Seul quickly picked her books up from the floor and scampered out of the hallway. She cursed under her breath as soon as she saw another member of the ‘gang’ that she bumped into just now. ‘Why is my luck rotten all the time?’

“Hey hey, why are you in such a rush?” He stuck out his foot in a swift movement, causing Ye Seul to trip and fall flat on her face. Biting the inside of her cheek, Ye Seul shot him a glare before picking her books up again, and this time instead of apologizing, she gave him a hard kick in the shin. The boy yelped in pain and was about to slap her right there and then but she shot another one of her menacing glares. Taken aback, the latter limped away in anger, not forgetting to warn her about messing with him, the mighty Lee Seokmin. Ye Seul stuck her tongue out the moment his back was facing her, satisfied that she managed to scare him so easily.

Ye Seul glanced at her watch and gasped when she realized that she was left with only two minutes till her lesson starts. She spun around and was about to sprint in that direction, but she bumped into another figure. This time, she was definitely mad. She dropped her books for the third freaking time and she was going to be late for her lesson. She lost her temper and yelled at the black-haired boy in front of her.

“Watch where you’re going next time, god damn it!” she huffed and shoved him aside. She stormed away but was stopped by a hand that was tugging at her wrist.

“Sorry for that. I’m just kind of lost right now, do you know where is classroom B03-13?” he looked rather apologetic, and he certainly looked lost.

“Are you a new student? I’ve never seen you before…”

He nodded and blinked several times when he caught her staring at him.

“Are you going to help? It’s okay if you’re in a rush,” he quickly let go of Ye Seul’s wrist and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

“O-oh. I can bring you there, that‘s the venue for my next lesson,” Ye Seul quickly regained her composure and cleared .

“Kim Myungsoo? Nice to meet you, I’m Lee Ye Seul.” She pointed to his name tag when he asked how she knew his name. She quickly led him to the classroom although she now had an excuse for being late.

“And that was how it all started,” it was almost a whisper, but Sungjong could hear it clearly. He glanced at Myungsoo again and saw a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The tears stopped falling, but they were still gathering in his eyes. Myungsoo hugged his knees tighter and chewed on his bottom lip, in an attempt to numb the pain that his heart was feeling.

“Sleep early, hyung. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Sungjong patted Myungsoo’s shoulder with assurance and left the room. Sungjong was happy that Myungsoo finally opened up to him after so many hours of crying, but he knew that it wasn’t enough for Myungsoo to recover completely. Because all he needs is time. He needs time to recover from the shock; he needs time to move on, he needs time to forget.

“Myungsoo-ah, can I ask you something?” Ye Seul fumbled with the hem of her school blouse. She was walking home with Myungsoo like any other day, but she somehow felt more nervous today.

“No you can’t,” Myungsoo pinched her cheek and burst into laughter upon seeing her ridiculous face. Ye Seul frowned and jabbed Myungsoo in the waist, causing him to shrill loudly.

“Okay okay, shoot.” He rubbed the sore part and wondered if a bruise would appear the next day.

“What kind of girls do you like? Like, uh, an ideal type?” Ye Seul immediately avoided eye contact and averted her gaze to the leaves that littered the ground.

“I like girls who are nice and gentle, girls who don’t jab guys in the waist till a bruise appears,” Myungsoo retorted. That answer earned him another sharp poke and Ye Seul had to cover his mouth to muffle his shriek. Myungsoo stood rooted to the ground and glanced at Ye Seul, who gave him the if-you-scream-again-i-will-kill-you look. Ye Seul felt a smirk under her palm and she finally realized what she had been doing. She quickly pulled her hand back and spun around, ready to walk away – she gave up trying to get an answer from him.

“I don’t know girls well,” Myungsoo suddenly spoke. Ye Seul faced him again and let out a confused ‘eh?’, while he took a step closer to her. Myungsoo kissed his thumb and pressed it on her forehead.

“Maybe I just like you. Who knows?”

-

A smile graced his lips as he remembered his confession. He had no idea how to flirt, how to talk to girls without getting shy, let alone knowing how to confess properly. But his cheesy confession was enough to melt Ye Seul’s heart, enough for their love to blossom. He never thought that he would ever like a girl so much, and he was definitely proved wrong. Never did he crave someone’s presence so badly; her hugs, her pokes, her. He wanted her to be by his side all the time; he wanted her all to himself. He was selfish, yes. He knew that she needed her own personal space, so he refrained from being too clingy. But that didn’t mean he could bear seeing her interact with other guys. Even a simple shoulder bump between her and another male would leave Myungsoo infuriated.

If he was so in love, then why did he leave?

Myungsooo could only wonder why.

“If I asked you to stay, would you?”

Myungsoo clamped his lips together and it formed a thin line.

“Sorry,”

Ye Seul smiled despite the tears b in her eyes.

“Okay. Go on, otherwise you’ll be late.”

Myungsoo nodded and started unlocking the door. Ye Seul proceeded to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water.

“Ugh,” Myungsoo ran back to their shared bedroom and rummaged for an important document. He finally found it after opening the fifth drawer and was about to leave the room when a small, white bottle caught his eye. It had no labels, no brand, nothing. He popped it open and could only see pills.

“Ye Seul-ah, what’s this?” Myungsoo called out and an anxious Ye Seul barged into the room. Her eyes widened at the sight of his confusion because of the finding and quickly snatched it from him.

“It’s, uh. Supplements. The doctor said my body needs more calcium.” She quickly made a story up. Myungsoo only nodded and believed her, although he still felt suspicious. But he had no time to ask more questions because he was going to be late. Ye Seul shooed him, saying that she was tired and she needed to rest.

When the door closed, she collapsed.

Myungsoo hated himself for not probing about that bottle of pills. He hated himself for believing her. He hated himself for not staying.

 That was the night Ye Seul’s heart stopped beating.