After I went down the car, I ran as fast I can to my house. I already felt exhausted after a day of filming. I removed my shoes to make my feet feel better after a very long time of running and walking. It’s always been like this after 5 years of filming, I always felt exhausted and drain of energy. Yes, RM filming is not easy you got hurt, you hurt people who are close to you but the worst is when your heart aches during the filming. You have to smile, make other happy and pretend you’re fine while deep inside you want to cry.

5 years ago, I joined Running Man. At first I thought it’s easy to be around with a lot of men but it’s not. And most of the time I got pressured of the games, I’m not good at anything when I joined RM. But one thing is for sure I will not lose because I’m a woman. Months later I become used to the entire obstacle, I learned different strategies to win. I’m always thankful for my Oppas YJS, JSJ, Haha and of course Gary. Gary is a good guy he helped me a lot in all those times that I felt lost, he always support me and back up on me. I’m also thankful to my dongsaengs Kwangsoo and Joong Ki without them maybe I alreay quite after the first 2 episodes.

Among them only KJK is the one I can’t go along well. At first I always felt shy when I talked to him but eventually I felt annoyed in his actions, he seems to be very boastful. He seems to know everything and always brag his strength. I felt sad when he torments my oppas. Everyone seems to be afraid of him, especially during the games.

I never thought I will felt this way for him because I used to like him especially during the time of Turbo and X-men. His voice always makes me melt.  Only my sister knows that he is one of my ultimate crush but it all fades away when I got to know him in RM.

For almost a year, we haven’t talked that much outside the filming. I just got to talked to him when we are in one team. One day, I made my dreams come true to be closer to my ultimate crush. I won’t forget that episode when we are team up together and hunt the other RM members. But just like a dream in never happens again.

A year later, we become closer but I can’t remember how it started. We eventually learned that we have a lot of things in common. He becomes my night and shining armor when the PD asks me to do some sweet moments with Gary Oppa. It’s not that I don’t like Gary Oppa but I just felt sorry for him. It seems like he is really falling for me but I’m not sure of myself and I don’t want to hurt him. And besides my management his urging me to stop my love line because it can ruin my image as an actress. That is why I keep distance to Gary Oppa and to totally stop the hopeful fans our management thought to put an act that I and our CEO have a relationship.

After the announcement, KJK Oppa becomes more close to me. He is very kind and sweet. I won’t deny I easily fall for him but I can’t tell him. I’m afraid that I can ruin our friendship and our RM family. It’s not once that he visits me and hangs outs in my apartment. It’s not once that I receive gifts from him on all occasions, sometimes I just got surprise that even for no reason he gave me gifts. He never failed to call or text me every day. When I have other works he always text me to remind me to eat well and rest. I was so touched when he and his friend attend the premier night of Jackal. He is very loving and thoughtful.

Times flies but I never asked him about our relationship neither him ask or said those precious words every woman loves to hear from someone who is so close to their hearts. One day I was able to watch one of his interviews and he said he never says I love you to the one she loves. I was like “What the! So meaning I’m his girl but he just didn’t tell me”. I get more confused about our relationship, but I find it more f