On my first day I was so nervous, I couldn’t say a word

We didn’t know back then that we’d spend these many days together

But we’ve already…

 

The first time we take a small little step inside the big building, everything is so awkward and unfamiliar. We just followed all the instructions given without any objection. We look at each other but never dare to utter even just a small words to each other. You look at me, and I look at you. Smile, only that can we did. 

 

Day by day, the awkwardness is gone replace by excitement and joyful. Hand was offered and smile were changing with each other.

 

"Hi." Who know with just a single hi we can be friend and spending many days ahead together. 

 

"I hope we can be friend." 

 

Silly, yes. That us for years ago. With still naive and innocent face, big baggy clothes, pure natural colour hairs, and face without make-up at all. The truth you and me. The back day where we were much younger and wanting to try something new in our path of life.

 

 

We were all so inexperienced- we would be cocky and show off

We didn’t know back then that we’d get to know each other like this

But we’ve already….

 

None of us had any experienced with all this kind of things. We just enjoy our teenager life at home with family, playing around with friends, hanging out in the mall, working part-timer to get another side money. 

 

And then in just a day, our life changed. Everyday, we come here in this small, compact training room together get trained to achieve our dreams. We make a new album of our life. We got judged, we got scolded and we got comparison with each other. Honestly, it is a lie if I said that we didn't envy with each other talents. We got in there with the same hope, no one ever want to be left behind.

 

"He is so great! I will never can be like him."

 

"Hey, you're also great you know. You skill in dancing is so fabulous! I envying you.."

 

"Really? But I don't have a great voice like you though."

 

We saw, we watch, we witnessed how the other friends get their debut day. When will my day comes? The question keep lingering in our minds, day and night. We practiced more, we tried more harder and sometimes fall and get hurt. But we will never give up.

 

"It's been years since I got trained here. Do I will get my debut stage??"

 

"I know right. I can't stay any longer, my family is not so rich. We've got some financial problems. What should I do??"

 

"Umma, I miss you. How's appa??"

 

"Just one more year, please hang on for a while. If this year I will still not debut, then I decided that I will get back to village. Maybe, this is not my place. But till then, let's keep trying!!"

 

"Hangul is so hard!! I don't understand anything. I'm so lonely in here, no where to go, no money to call my mother."

 

One calmy day, we got a news for a new project. Our name got in there. Happy, relieved, grateful, we also don't know what is the real feeling on that time. But mostly, hopeful. We hope that this time we will get to be on the stage, officially be a celebrities that we're dreaming of. 

 

"We will get debut!!! Finally!!!!"

 

"Hyung, we are going to be in the same group!!"

 

 

There’s so many things that we’ve shared together

The dripping sweat, tears and secrets

 

Just list what else that we didn't do for each other in this more than a decade? So many things that you and me, us, sharing in life. We shared the same dreams, we shared the same path, we shared the same memories. 

 

The day where we practiced for a day long in front of the big mirror without taking break, we never care about the sweats that everywhere on our body. Our clothes got drenched, but yeah, who care anyway. I'm not alone because you're there with me, exhausted and sweaty same with me.

 

"Take a break guys!" 

 

"Arghh finally. I can't felt my legs anymore." Heechul groaned ignoring how messy his looks now. Everyone falls flatly on the floor scatteres around each other.

 

"Yah Lee Donghae, move away your head from my stomach!" Eunhyuk said hitting softly the head that freely laying on his flat stomach.

 

"Don't want to. Don't move Lee Hyukjae, I will got headache."

 

"Aishh you brat." Lastly, they just lay like that ignoring the smell of sweats on each other body. 

 

 

The tears that fall on our cheeks. You wipe it for me with your own hand, soothing me a comfort words and hugging me from each side of my body. Grateful, thankful, more than that is what I feel, want to say but there is no words to describe it all. 

 

"Hyung, stop crying. We will be here for you, always stay by your side." 

 

"Keep strong maknae, we will be waiting for you. Just keep strong please, Oh God!!" 

 

"Please, don't go.."

 

"Don't worry, everything will be fine."

 

The hand that patting my back softly, the arms that wrapping my body warmly, it's from you. The road of our journey where it starts to meet junctions. We didn't know which way to choose, which way is better for you, for me, for everyone. And that junction make us lesser and separated. 

 

You can count how many times where we were sit alone in the dark room, late at night curling our body inside the blanket with a sobbing sound. Wake up with a dark under the eyes and swollen, but still using the smile mask in our face. 

 

 

 

Even all the times we hated each other

But I can love all those times- we’ve already

 

"You bastard!!" The fist were grips tightly and meeting the soft cheek of another person. Blood, yeah blood was formed on the latter bottom lip.

 

"Yah, stop it!!"

 

"Just get the hell out of my business!!"

 

Screams, yells, shouts are everywhere echoing the dorm. Don't care about how many eyes that eyeing them, they still get in the fistfight. You punched me, I kick you. Well, that's it what really happen when men have a fistfight right? Thinking about it back, in all these years, it's been hundred of times where we said 'I hate you' to each other. We said it most of the time. 

 

Sometimes we're annoying with each other attitudes, your interest, yout way of talking, your way to eat, and even your way to use the toothpaste. Every single thing that can make us snaps and hitting each other. Maybe that's why some left the dorm and live on their own, hahaha.

 

Ironically, all that memories are what keeping us for who we are now. The hate, tears and hurt really make us be stronger and our bonding are not something that can we joking about. Cliche, but yeah, we admit that we miss those time and we really LOVE it.

 

 

We can’t grow apart- then I will miss you- I love my friends

I will never forget- embrace me, don’t forget me, don’t change

 

Military service? Yes, that's what we called it. There is a must right, it's our duty to our country and as a healthy and responsible men, we will take that duty willingly. When the times come, I will leave you and everything behind but it just for two years. Two years, just a short time. Time changes from day to night, week to month and month to year. In just blink of eyes, there you will see me again, saying hello with a wide smile on my face.

 

Letters were sent, phone calls were make just to prove something, I miss you. Just keep healthy and come back to us safely.

 

The word 'I love you' is the most hardest words that we can say to each other, differ from 'I hate you' that easily come out fron our mouth. It's so embrassing to say that!! 

 

"Do I need to say it?"

 

"Yes, you must if you want my forgiveness."

 

"It's feel different to utter that words off the camera you know."

 

"Like I care."

 

"Fine. I..emm I.. erghhh! I...lo..lov..love..aishhh!!! Forget it!!"

 

"Eh? Yah!!!"

 

It's happen all the time. So to avoid that embrassing moment again, we chose to show our love and not to say it anymore. Like a quote said, you don't need to say your love, it is more better if you show and prove your love.

 

"Can I sleep with hyung tonight?"

 

"Why you cried? You got bullied again, don't you? Where?? Where are they?? Let me get them and kick them for you!!!"

 

"Hyung is so proud of you!! You're done well."

 

"Use our money first, we knew you need it the most now. Don't worry about how to pay back, just use it first. Besides, you will never can be separated from us after all. Why need to worry," 

 

"Who taught you to drive like that huh?? It's dangerous!! Don't you ever driving like that again or you will never see your new car anymore!!"

 

"Hyung, you okay? Get on my back, let me piggyback you to our waiting room."

 

"Eat! You need to eat!!"

 

Funny, sometimes all these reminiscing can make me laughing alone while taking a shower or even while I'm in the middle of recording. There is a time where hyung-dongsaeng relationship is not used. We care about each other equally, no matter if you're a hyung but when you can't walk on your own, the younger will help you by carry you on their back. Can't say it by my mouth but still I can utters it in my mind and my deep heart, I love you guys so much, my friends, my brothers.

 

 

Our faces were flushed- we all almost gave up

But we didn’t let go of our hands

I was so thankful for back then

We’ve already, we’ve already

 

Trainee days are very a hard time for any idols, but don't mistaken it with your life after debut. To gain the succesness, of course we need to face the storm too. Nothing in this world is easy to get. You want it, then try your best to get it. And the rainbow only comes after the darken cloud. 

 

Falls, shames, angered. We need to remember back on how we start this group. We're not the official group at first. Heck, we're just an experiment. What if we failed? Either you get well and high or you get pushed back down the stairs. 

 

Hands tight in each other grips, we make a promise.

 

"No matter what happen in future, I hope we will never be separated. And if that happen, please never forget each other and our memories back then."

 

"You and me. All of us, we are one!"

 

"Let's be Super Junior forever!!''

 

"Super Junior and ELF, we're a family."

 

We're like a chain, a bracelet that beautifully rounded together. 

 

 

Someday we will all have to say goodbye

We might not be able to see each other

Then our memories will be our strength

Till the day we meet again some day

 

We have passed our time. We have be a legend. We are getting old. The wrinkles in our face, lack of stamina, and our body is not strong as before anymore. Then, the will be a day where we need to leave everything behind. Time keep tickling and our days in this world keep adding. Young and fresh idol born like a mushroom after the rain. We have passed the time, let's give it to a new one now. 

 

This earth is round, when we have enough to be in up, we will move back to down. We have our own life, our own family to take care of. If before, we always meeting up with each other, and now the time have to be lessen. We're busy now, maybe not as busy as a whole group but busy as individual and family. 

 

Sometimes, we didn't see each other for a long time, more than a month. Our group chat is so quiet nowadays. When is the last conversation that we have in that chatting room? 

 

"Let's meet up, let's have a drink!"

 

"Sorry hyung, I have to take care of my child. My wife is working outside."

 

"Can we postponed it, I can't join in. My business got quite busy nowadays."

 

Nothing can do. But we don't blame each other though. Life is changing. It's enough with the memories to be our strength when we miss each other. It's enough of we still in each other mind even we don't get in touch anymore. It's enough if I believe in you.

 

 

we’ve already, nanana we've already...

 

We have passed all that time. The past is already left behind and we keep moving ahead with each other still in the same journey but maybe in different road.

 

And today, the sun give out it's shine brightly. The sky beautifully in blue. The wind of autumn, calm and fresh. And here we are, fifteen of us. With wrinkles and mostly white hair on our head. 

 

"Jungsu hyung, how are you?" Hangeng greet gently the older man that sitting on the chair with white thick coat. 

 

"Oh Hangeng-ah, I'm fine. Just sometimes, my legs keep cramp and always get tired. More than that, I'm still cool you know." Leeteuk replied the still handsome man that just joining them while hugging him and give a soft pat on his shoulder. It's been long, so long since I hugging you.

 

"Hyung, here your drink. And nope, we don't have soju. It's not good for your health hyung." Henry walks to the others with a tray of drinks.

 

"Thanks Henry-ah. How's your family? It's been long since you back here." Yesung thanks him after get the drink from Henry's offering hand.

 

"They've been well." Henry answered giving out a sweet smile and sit on the other free chair.

 

"It's been long. So long since we gather like this right?" Donghae said suddenly, looking deeply at everyone aging face.

 

"Right. It's been so long." Shindong stated agreeing.

 

"Guys, let's forget our life for now. This time, let's got back to our past. Where we still young and just us." Kangin said getting a smile from other.

 

"That's cool! Let's back again." Sungmin said eagerly.

 

"Just all of you. I don't need to get back because I'm still like before after all. Never aging." Heechul uttered confidently.

 

"Just because you dyed your hair to black, doesn't mean you're not aging hyung. Look at your wrinkles then, more than me." Kibum snapped.

 

"We just should called you ahjusshi then." Kyuhyun added while the others just laugh.

 

"Yah!! Aishh these two brats!!"

 

"Hyuk, show us again your dance!" Siwon suggest clapping his hand.

 

"Are you crazy hyung?" Ryeowook teased between his laugh.

 

"Don't understimate me!!"

 

"How about if we sing our back song again?" Zhoumi speaks after sipping his coffee.

 

"Sound nice. But please not a hard one. Just the soft one, I can't get the high anymore you know." Yesung said nodding his head a little.

 

With that, one by one starts singing the lyrics of their old song. The melody, the rythm still be so beautiful and warm adding with their voice. Still same like years ago where we stand on stage, behind the microphone, in front the thousands ELF. 

 

 

Starts from Leeteuk to Heechul, Hangeng, Yesung, Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, Ryeowook, Kibum to our maknae Kyuhyun and also never forget about these two who also with us for years already, up and down the hill, Zhoumi and Henry.

 

"Guys, let's never breaking this friendship that we keep. Once Super Junior, till the day we're no longer exist in this world, we're still Super Junior. You guys are the most precious friends that I have in my life. I love you."