Playlist:

Mino ft. Taehyung - Fear

BTS - Butterfly

BTS - Tears of School

Tiger JK ft. Jinshil - Reset

I put my hair in a bun smoothed out my white shirt gliding out my hands on my black pencil skirt. I stared at myself in the mirror heaving a deep sigh telling myself I could do this. I grabbed a hold of my purse and put on my black high heels before I trudged my way towards my car heading over to the nearby elementary school.

The moment I parked my car I got out and closed the door shut making sure the alarm was . My eyes lingered on the school as memories came rushing to me like a wave of ocean. I saw shadows of two boys playing at the school yard. At that time they were 9 years old.

I went inside the school building taking in the familiar hallways and classrooms as I walked. It was summer vacation, the weekend before it was ending actually and no, I wasn’t here to sign my contract to work at this particular school. Matter in fact I was here attending a memorial for my two favorite boys; Taehyung and Jungkook. Who tragically, died a week ago because of gang violence. I couldn’t believe it when I received the news myself, but being at their funeral made it all clear to me.

My heels kept on clicking against the floor the sound echoing against the familiar walls. I couldn’t help but feel my heart twist since the memories of this place were too precious to let go. I was missing those two boys so badly. I saw shadows of us walking, me in the back with my cam recorder and them in the front running with their tiny uniforms.

I heaved a sigh seeing the familiar double doors leading to their classroom. I pushed the double doors open and stepped inside feeling all eyes on me. I ignored their stares and walked up to the podium clearing my throat. My eyes wandered through the now quiet audience eyeing the two women in the way back. It was because of them that I was doing this. They were badmouthing my precious boys, which was why I couldn’t sit back and watch, so I decided to take the matter in my own hands.

“Hi” I began taking a deep breath right after. “My name is Lee Iseul and I used to be Taehyung and Jungkook’s teacher. I educated them outside of class taking care of their special needs. Some of you know about the documentary I made of these boys while some of you don’t. I decided to share it with you today so you could get another perspective of the boys to see that they were really not evil deep down, they were only boys who grew up in the wrong society, and tragically died because of that” I heaved a heavy sigh. “So here it goes” I my lips as they had become dry. “I call this…Project; Taehyung and Jungkook”

“I heard of their story through elementary school and into junior high while I made this documentary. Together I filmed their progress through life and their journey through adulthood. This is a story about two boys growing up in a dangerous world”

And the film began rolling.

--

The crowd of several students heading over to their respective classrooms filled the hallways and among them was I, Lee Iseul. I had gotten a part time job at a local elementary school in central Seoul, and I was looking forward to it.

I walked up the stairs taking in the several pictures hanging on the walls seeing how students were eager to head for their classrooms. I made it to the class with a cam recorder in one hand while the other was holding onto my bag that I had taken with me. I decided documenting everything I was going to do with my students, but at the same time it was a great way to getting to know them.

I was going to help the students who were falling behind or made trouble in class. It didn’t take long before I noticed the two students that I was going to be responsible for; Taehyung and Jungkook. I learned quite quickly that these were the troublemakers in class. Taehyung had a hard time concentrating in class and was rather rude to his teacher for being only nine years old. As for Jungkook he had a hard time with reading and writing, which was his biggest struggle.

I walked over to Jungkook who had black straight hair falling perfectly over his forehead. I sat down beside him as I was instructed to sit in class with them both and keep an eye on them. I watched what Jungkook was scribbling in his notebook and noticed many spelling errors inside his book. “Jungkook” I called out lowly and he looked up at me with his round curious eyes and blinked. “How do you spell ‘there’?” He puckered up his lower lip and planted his index finger on the book telling me that he had already written it down. “No, that’s incorrect”

“Isn’t it ‘ther’?” He questioned with his head tilting as he was eyeing the video camera and I shook my head.

“You forgot the ‘e’ in the end” I pointed out and with a nod I noticed him adding an ‘e’.

I understood right away that maybe working with these boys wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Hey” I leaned over the desk receiving Taehyung’s attention. He too had the exact same hairstyle, uniform and the big curious eyes like Jungkook. “How about we go out of class and sit in the room down the corridor?” Taehyung shrugged and looked over at Jungkook.

“Are we allowed by Ms. Nam?” He asked and I nodded my head with a smile on my lips.

As we sat down in another room by ourselves the questions began rolling in, but never once did I stop taping.

“Are we the dumbest in class?” Taehyung asked and I furrowed my eyebrows behind the cam.

“No, what makes you ask that?”

“Well, the other day two of our classmates pointed at us and said we were dumb because we would have extra classes with you” Even though I had to admit I felt my heart pierce by his saying I kept my cool and decided questioning him again.

“What did you say to your defense then?” He didn’t even have to think and answered me.

“I told them we all have different brains, we have different learning abilities” I looked at him impressed and nodded my head.

“That’s true”

“I know” He continued. “Just because Jungkook and I are behind in class doesn’t mean we’re dumb, we can improve, right Jungkook?” I turned my camera over to him seeing how concentrated he was in his writing. He snapped his head up and with a bright smile nodded his head agreeing with Taehyung’s words.

--

I heard low sniffs in the auditorium seeing the innocent faces of the two boys, and their innocent acts playing on the screen. How they were already struggling with the society in an early age, and how they were determined to follow up and improve in what they believed they were lacking in.

--

I was filming during class and noticed how Jungkook was yelling at another student for accusing him of stealing his crayon. “You just want to make trouble! You just want me to get scolded by the teacher!” I saw how he was shouting after the other student with anger filled in his voice. I had never seen him like that before.

“Jungkook, out now!” I heard Miss Nam’s voice echo inside the classroom and I saw how Jungkook with water welled in his eyes walked away from the scene and out of the class. I got up from my place for the first time seeing Taehyung obeying in class and followed Jungkook.

“Why did you pick a fight with your classmate?” I called after him and noticed him stopping his tracks and turn around to look at me.

“Because he said I was lying about not stealing his crayon” He defended and I sighed. “I didn’t! I really didn’t! And because of us fighting Ms. Nam threw me out of class, what about him? Why doesn’t she throw him out? I am the one who’s struggling and she doesn’t seem to notice!”

I bent down to his level and comforted him with a hug and wiped away his tears. “It’s okay. Just relax and take a deep breath” I told him and he did as he was told. I made him follow me to the little room beside their classroom and told him to sit down. “I’ll be right back”

I walked back inside the classroom and signalized to Taehyung to step out. He grabbed his backpack in one hand and Jungkook’s in the other and walked out with me and towards the little room. Jungkook was sitting quietly and Taehyung sat down beside him pulling out the chair.

I placed the camera on the desk before the two and decided to give them some time to talk freely about school and why they believed it was so hard to learn. “This camera right here” I pointed out seeing how they looked back at me. “This is your buddy who is a great listener and he won’t judge you in any way so just pour your heart to him” I confessed and pulled out a chair and sat down.

I noticed how Taehyung eyed Jungkook being a little hesitant but I encouraged him to speak up if he had something on his mind.

“Come on” And that was all that it took for Taehyung to voice out his feelings.

“I just…can’t help it but behave badly when people make me do it” I nodded my head and turned my gaze over to Jungkook who nibbled on his bottom lip.

“I feel as though I try my best but then Ms. Nam says it’s not good enough and then I get mad and then I try to figure out why I am even trying” He sighed. “And then everything turns black for me”

“Tell me” I leaned forward. “Tell what it’s like when everything turns black for you”

“Well it’s like the smart part of me just vanishes and then I begin doing dumb stuff just like fighting” I just continued to bob my head loving the progress, but soon my eyes widened hearing Jungkook’s question.

“Can’t you do it now?”

“What?” I blinked.

“Talk to the camera and we ask the questions” I giggled slightly and turned the camera so my face came on the small screen that they were staring at.

“Do you love your job?” Taehyung began.

“Yes” I answered swiftly.

“What do you love about your job?” I gave it a thought and grinned.

“Being with you guys and spending time with you. Knowing when you’re in a good mood or bad mood and what I can do to make it better for you guys. I just want to give you guys what I couldn’t receive when I was young, support. I would love to give it to you”

--

My eyes welled with water seeing now that I failed to support my boys. If I continued keeping in touch with them, maybe only maybe could I prevent them from meeting that gang that night and cause that fight. Maybe then they would have been alive today.

--

They were in their last year in elementary school and I seemed to notice a pattern. The more they struggled in class the further they fell behind in and the more destructive they became. I began taking them out of classes oftener to spend more time with them, but lately all we had been talking about was their feelings and how they couldn’t seem to control their anger.

“No, really…just tell me” I urged on seeing how Jungkook was holding back his words, he seemed a bit hesitant to talk to me.

“When I get angry I really want to hit someone and usually it’s the person I am arguing with”

“None of us can control it anymore” Taehyung finished Jungkook’s sentence. I just stayed still and let them continue their explaining; this was a great way to get to know them better, to understand what was going through their minds.

“It’s nothing to be proud of, but every child goes through this” Jungkook added on and I noticed how Taehyung bobbed his head agreeing.

“So what happened yesterday, Taehyung? Did you get in trouble?” I questioned and I saw how he began pouting at me.

“Yes…” He sang lowly and I raised my brows behind the camera.

“Why?”

“Because I talked in class and mocked the teacher” I noticed how he ducked his eyes and I knew he was a bit embarrassed by his own behavior.

“What happened then?”

“She talked to the principal and told she was quitting because she couldn’t handle us anymore” He began playing with his fingers and I wetted my lips. “I just lost control” He finished his sentence.

--

So this was it, the anger just continued building inside the two boys and the system didn’t even care to help th