“Where are we going?”

We are sitting on a train. It is 11 am but the time seems useless because there’s no difference between am and pm due to the snow that falls so hard

“Can’t tell” I smile and drink the hot espresso. He makes a dissaponted expression but I know he’s lying. The way he looks out the window tells that He’s excited

“You won’t even tell me where we’re going after kidnapping me?”

“Hey! I wasn’t kidnapping you!”

“Yes,secretly got into my room while I was still asleep,putting a coat on my body while I was still asleep,and dragging me out right after I woke up wasn’t called kidnapping”

“Yes” I giggle

“And I’m still wearing pajama” He adds up another complain

We didn’t see each other yesterday because He locked himself in the room. I needed to give him some spaces and times. Because I also need them. To realize what’s going on between us.

He is sitting in front of me,reading today’s newspaper. I try my best to not to even steal a glance on it so I wouldn’t read the date. It’s been two days since i found out he’d be here only for a month. Which means there are only 11 days left at that time and 9 days left today

I am avoiding dates and times. I am running away from the sad reality since four days ago

                After 3 hours of a long ride,the train stops. I take his hand. His cold hand. Or our cold hands. He looks around. This familiar town surprised him,and brings back the old memories to me

“What are we doing here? Why don’t you tell me? Why...” I put my finger on his lips. And it works

“What are we doing here,you asked? We’re going to make a miracle” I smile at his confused face. I finally am not the only who’s puzzled by unexplained words

“And why...wait,there are so many whys that we need to answer. But not now”

We walk under the falling snow. Well,more like,I am dragging him under the falling snow because the more we get closer to our destination,the more he can’t take a step

“Are You okay?”

“No. I am okay. I just...” The unfinished words are blown by the freeze wind

I take a step back and look at the confused man in front of me

“Thank You. Thank You for making me feel wanted. Thank You for coming into my life and change the whole things. Thank You for returning the old me,the happy me. Thank You for waiting for me for years. Thank You for remembering me. Thank You for using your last wish for me. Thank You.”

He looks at me and smile

                We’re sitting on a bench near the school building. We don’t let the time pass by with the silence,so we keep talking about random things,as we won’t be able to greet each other on the next day

“Where do people go when they die?” I ask him while we’re watching the empty road filled with snows

“Depend on your faith. If you believe that You’d become nothing when You die,then you would. If You think you’d reincarnate as something,You would. If You believe heaven and hell exist,then You’d go to one of them.” He looks at me “What do You believe?”

“I...I don’t know” I am flusterring because of that sudden question. He laughs at me

“Wow. Take it easy. Don’t even think about it,You still have a long journey to go. I honestly don’t think about it,too. My life is too short to think about such thing like that”

I look at him with a smile. A fake smile. And He notices it

“Let’s go!” He grabs my hand

“Where?” I quickly drink the espresso and follow him

“Our...” I don’t know whether he didn’t finish his sentence or the wind was too strong

We walk ten feet away and now we’re in front of a church. A church that I used to visit with Yuri when we were in high school

“Let’s get in” He says with his hand still grabs mine

                The church is empty and seems abandoned. We sit on the wooden seat. The seat gives a crack sound right after we sat

“We’re gonna stay here?”

“You want to?”

“Well,since we got nowhere to stay..”

“Simply Jeongguk” I couldn’t help but smile when he says my name

”I am gonna start doing something. Please don’t be nervous,okay?” He gets up from the seat and start kneeling down in front of me

“You make me nervous even more” I laugh nervously

“Why did I keep asking for your hotpack  instead buying it on my own when I know I really need it? Because it feels different. The warmth.” He looks into my eyes and continuing his lines

“Why didn’t I ask for a year or for a lifetime instead of a short one moth? Why couldn’t I be greedy and shameless and ask for a longer period?  Because love isn’t built by greed

I asked for a month to save You. To stop You from suffering. I asked for a short one month hoping You’ll back to the old You,the happy You. The You that I met on December 1st,2016. The You that gave me two hotpacks instead of one and put them into the pockets where my freeze hands were hiding instead of letting my cold hands grab them. I asked for a month hoping the miracle will bring back your happiness to You. Because that’s what love is made of. A pure hope”

The tears that I’ve been holding for days finally stream down my face and I don’t bother to wipe them. And he wipes them away,as always

“You are my miracle and you bring back all the happines to me” I look at him “Why didn’t snow fall everyday of a year? Because sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we  realized how important someones are to us only when they are going away. And when they come back,we’ll appreciate them even more. We’ll love them more”

“When You have to go,I promise I’ll let You. And when I have to go,promise me You’ll do the same.” I hold his hand

                We’re still awake in the midnight. The light comes from the outside,getting into the room through the small holes. We barely can see each others’ face. But I could picture his face on my mind. I lay my head on his shoulder

“When I die,I wanna be a lock.” Our fingers are intertwined

“And I’ll be the key”

“Hey! I haven’t finished it.” I protest

“Okay Okay. Let’s see your skill”

“I’ll be the lock and You’ll be the key. And You’ll be the only key who could open it up. Um,finish it” My eyes are slowly losing their sight

“Wow. That’s an extra upgrade” He teased me and I hit him lightly

“I’ll be the only key who could open the lock. But there’s always a spare key”

“Wait. No! There won’t be any spare keys.” I complain

“Someday,when the locked lock is needed,and the main key is lost,there will be a spare key and slowly it will replace the previous main key and become one. Soon or later.”

“It won’t happen”

“Why not? When the day comes-“

“There won’t be another day.” I cut his line

“What do you mean?” He looks surprised. Of course,he is

“I am dying. The drug takes away my life. My life is about to expire. I found out the day after I run out of hotpack when You need it. They said I took to much drugs,the pain killer. And said I only have less than a month left.”

He doesn’t say anything. But I know he’s sobbing. Little did I know,I am crying too

“We’re running out of times. But we’ll never run out of hopes and loves. Believe me.” And that’s the last words that I hear from him. That’s the last beautiful words that I heard from him.