Kibum wakes up at 8 am when his alarm rings. The sun is shining, coloring the room in a golden hue behind the curtains. Kibum presses a button on his alarm and the quiet once again envelops the room. He rolls over and places a hand on the cold pillow beside him, alone in bed. It makes him smile despite being alone and he snuggles closer to the pillow. The scent of his fiance hits his nose as he buries his face in the soft material under him.

His alarm rings again 15 minutes later and he turns over on his back again, shutting off the alarm for good this time and gets up from the bed. He stretches his long limbs and lets a hand fall through the soft black locks of his hair. He smiles a little when he shuffles into the kitchen.

On the refrigerator hangs a yellow post-it with its edges a little bent.

Hey, I’ll be back in 5 minutes but if I’m not just read this message again.

It’s written in messy handwriting and Kibum can’t help but trace the note a little with his forefinger. He decides to go take a shower. His fiance will be home soon. He leaves the kitchen to go to the bathroom.

Showering takes 20 minutes and the rest of the hour he spends fixing his hair, putting on light make-up and making sure he looks absolutely flawless.

He turns 26 today. He promised Jonghyun to spend the day with him, but only because Jonghyun insisted. Kibum knows his fiance will be home soon. They will spend the night together, Jinki will understand just how clingy Jonghyun can be.

When Kibum exits the bathroom the apartment is still as silent as it was before. The note still sits on the refrigerator and Kibum starts his countdown over again. Just 5 minutes and he will get a kiss.

Kibum leaves to meet with Jonghyun 30 minutes later. He’s still smiling, though. Jinki is usually forgetful so he probably stopped to talk to the sweet old lady in the bakery and then had to talk to the middle schoolers on their way to school. That is typical his fiance.

Jonghyun waves at him when Kibum gets near the café they’re supposed to meet at.

“Happy birthday!” he greets as soon as Kibum gets close enough and Kibum thanks him. They buy coffee and sits at a corner.

“Can you believe it? Jinki had left early this morning. I didn’t even get my birthday kiss.”

Kibum pouts and Jonghyun shifts visibly uncomfortable.

“Uh… Kibum…” he says and Kibum raises an eyebrow at the older man.

“Yeah?” the younger asks and Jonghyun sighs and waves his hand a little to indicate nothing.

“No, it’s okay. Did you get any presents from your parents yet?”

Kibum shakes his head. It doesn’t matter. His parents usually give him clothes these days. ‘You’re getting too old, we don’t know what to give you’ his father usually jokes. Kibum isn’t really looking forward to his parents gift either. No, he is looking forward to Jinki's gift because that has to be absolutely amazing. Especially when Jinki has left so early in the morning.

When they’re done with their coffee they leave the coffee shop. Jonghyun tries hard to change the topic to something else but Jinki. Kibum suspects that he’s having troubles with his wife but when he confronts him with his suspicions Jonghyun exclaims ‘Jinki is dead!’

Kibum scoffs.

“Don’t be an idiot, Jonghyun. I was with Jinki yesterday, we went to bed together.”

“He’s been dead for the past 3 years, Kibum! Don’t you remember?!”

Kibum turns around on his heel and leaves Jonghyun on the street. It isn’t until Jonghyun comes running and catches up with him and apologizes that Kibum’s anger calms down.

“I’m sorry, Minjung was mad at me this morning. Sorry. Of course he isn’t dead. I don’t know why I would say that.”

Kibum is satisfied with Jonghyun’s apology and tells him what he has to do to get back on Minjung’s good side.

They spend the day together bowling with friends and celebrating his birthday. Jonghyun and Taemin convince Kibum to join him at the nightclub. He wants to get back to Jinki, the other man must worry and his phone battery has died in the afternoon but Kibum does join Jonghyun and Taemin in the end. Taemin is drunk almost as soon as they hit the nightclub and Jonghyun promises to stay sober if Kibum wants to drink a little. But all Kibum really wants is to get home to his fiance.

He leaves the two of them in the club an hour later and when he gets back home the front door is locked and the apartment is dark. He silently wiggles out of his shoes and jacket and tip-toes into the bedroom. There he sheds his clothes and snuggles under the covers and close to the lump that is in bed as well. The warmth he feels makes him shut his eyes and he kisses what’s supposed to be Jinki's neck hidden underneath the covers.

“I love you,” he whispers into the dark. He had fun with Jonghyun and if Jinki is asleep already, he’s not going to be a to wake him. He does have work tomorrow so he understands just how important sleep is.

Kibum wakes up at 7 am. His alarm clock is filling the dark room with noise and he groans. The other blanket is cold and there is no person there. It’s not weird because Jinki wakes up at 6 so he can get ready for his work.

It’s raining hard outside, Kibum can hear the raindrops slam against the window. Reluctantly he gets up from bed and sighs a little. He brews himself a cup of coffee before he turns to notice the note on the refrigerator.

Hey, I’ll be back in 5 minutes but if I’m not just read this message again.

 Kibum knows that he won’t because today is Monday and Jinki works until 6 pm on Mondays. But the note is nice and the handwriting calms him in a way he can’t explain. He gets dressed and leaves for the office. Kibum works 8 am to 5 pm at a magazine as a journalist.

He met Jinki 6 years ago when he was 20 and had just started his education. He was fearless and Jinki was clumsy. He was popular and friends with almost everyone on campus and Jinki was mostly alone, preferred it that way. He never hid his uality and Jinki did everything he could to not stand out in any way. It was fate that had brought them together and Kibum thanked his lucky stars everyday that he got to be the one whom Jinki loved.

And now they were here, Jinki had proposed two weeks ago. Kibum smiles and sends his co-worker a wink and Minho rolls his eyes. And then it strikes Kibum. . . Minho is in love with him. He glances over at the tall male who has his focus back to the article he is working on. Kibum sneaks his phone under the table, now charged and texts Jonghyun.

To Jonghyun:

I think Minho is in love with me, what do I do?!

It takes a couple of anxious minutes before Jonghyun answers.

From Jonghyun:

That’s ridiculous Kibum. Why would he be in love with you?

Kibum groans at Jonghyun’s obvious ignorance.

To Jonghyun:

I know he is! Trust me, he’s in love with me!’

The next answer comes fairly quickly.

From Jonghyun:

Kibum, Minho knows you’re engaged to Jinki. Just ignore him?

Kibum huffs. Jonghyun is so rude. He can’t just ignore him. Instead he sits on edge until lunch where he casually walks by Minho’s table, stops and smiles apologetically.

“I’m flattered you’re in love with me, but I’m engaged to the love of my life.”

Minho turns around in his seat, eyes wide open and stares at Kibum’s retreating back.

“I’m happily married,” he shouts after him but Kibum doesn’t hear him.

When Kibum finishes work he calls Jinki but the other doesn’t pick up. He shrugs before he enters the metro. Maybe his fiance is too busy with work to pick up the phone. It’s not that important in the end. They will see each other soon anyway.

When Kibum gets off the metro and walks the few streets to their apartment he is once again greeted with a silent apartment and a locked front door. He enters and hurries into the kitchen. Now that he didn’t get to see his love yesterday at his birthday he wants to cook him a meal so they can drink red wine and talk.

Kibum removes the note when it flutters to the floor as he forcefully opens the refrigerator. He places it on the kitchen table and smiles a little. Jinki comes home a little over 6 pm as Kibum suspects. Kibum doesn’t hear the other man when he enters but it’s okay as soon as he has his hands looped around Jinki’s neck and his lips pressed to the others in a sweet kiss.

“Welcome home,” he whispers and Jinki sends him a tired, yet grateful smile.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to wish you a happy birthday yesterday.”

Kibum waves the apology off.

“No, it’s okay baby! You were tired. I had fun with the others.”

The oven beeps and Kibum turns back to his cooking. Jinki wraps his hands about his midsection and kisses his neck, causing the small hair on his nape to rise. They eat and Kibum tells him all about Minho who is in love with him and about Jonghyun who said Jinki was dead. He laughs, filling the silent apartment with noise as Jinki sits and listens.

Kibum showers before he go to bed and when he enters the bedroom , the elder is already sleeping, blankets wrapped around him as the night before. Kibum pouts a little, he wanted to feel Jinki’s skin against his own but he doesn’t want to unwrap the other from his comfortable cocoon. He lies down, wraps his arms around the bundle of blankets and closes his eyes. Jinki is not as warm as he usually is and it takes Kibum longer than usual to fall asleep. Eventually he does fall asleep.

Kibum wakes up at 9.32 am and shoots out of bed. His alarm hasn’t been ringing and he’s already an hour late. No wonder Jinki has already left. He finishes his morning routines in record time and as he runs into the kitchen to grab an apple the note on the kitchen table silently falls from the kitchen table and ends in his bag. Kibum zips his bag without knowing and runs out of the apartment.

Minho is grumbling when he comes to work and Kibum ignores the other male for as long as possible. He really doesn’t want to give the other a false hope. Kibum loves Jinki and he’s never going to be unfaithful and cheat on him.

At lunch Taemin calls him and asks if they can meet up and have their lunch together. Taemin works at the building next door as a chef in the gourmet restaurant on the ground floor. Kibum never really understood Taemin’s career choice but Taemin assures him it’s for all the small tastings he get to do.

They settle in the restaurant so Taemin doesn’t have to leave work in case something should go terribly wrong in the kitchen. Kibum hasn’t packed lunch as he woke up too late and Taemin tells him they can share his. Kibum knows he could just order from the restaurant but being a journalist doesn’t exactly pay a lot of money and eating at a gourmet restaurant costs more than Kibum is willing to spend on food.

They’re eating Taemin’s homemade food when Kibum spots the security camera in the corner.

“Taemin…” he says and gently push Taemin’s arm. Taemin looks from his food to Kibum and raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah?”

Kibum sends him a strained smile.

“The government in watching us.”

His voice is a little shaky and he can feel the anxiety simmer just below his skin. He doesn’t want the government to watch his every move but there are so many cameras and they have to be.

“They’re watching me,” he says again, this time anxiety present in his voice and visible in his fear.

“No, they’re not, hyung.” Taemin says and shrugs and Kibum tugs on his arm again and points to the camera.

“Yes, they are!” he hisses and Taemin turns to look at him again. Kibum has lost his appetite but Taemin still seems to be hungry. He lazily follows Kibum’s finger that still points towards the security camera.

“That’s just the restaurant’s security camera, hyung. The government isn’t watching us. Don’t be paranoid.”

But paranoid is exactly what Kibum is and he shakes Taemin’s arm a little stronger than before, making Taemin drop his food into his lap. Taemin sends him an icy glare.

“Hyung. Stop it. The government isn’t watching us. I need to get back.”

He stands and disappears without more words and Kibum is left alone in the restaurant, only seeing red eyes and security cameras everywhere.

Kibum hurries back into the office, shoulders hunched and trying to be as small as possible but the government is still watching him, he knows it. He wrings his fingers and finds his phone.

In 30 seconds he seated below his desk, back against the wall and knees touching his chest. He dials his fiance and lets the phone ring but nobody picks it up. Damn you Jinki, he thinks and tries hard not to cry. He screams when someone squats and stares at him.

“Get under here! The government will find me!”

Minho blinks a little at the strange behaviour.

“The government?” he asks and Kibum nods frantically.

“Yes!” he hisses through his teeth. Right now he doesn’t care that the other man is in love with him, he has to hide from the government and Minho is ratting him out.

“Do you feel well?” Minho’s voice is concerned when he reaches under the desk and put his large palm on Kibum’s forehead. “Take the rest of the day off, Kibum. You could probably use some sleep. I’ll tell the boss that you went home because you were ill.”

Kibum bites his lips but agrees anyway. It’ll be harder for the government to find him in his apartment, anyway.

He is wary of security cameras everywhere on his way home and he even bumps into a little kid who falls down and cries but Kibum can’t care because he’s being watched.

When he finally slams the front door to the apartment and finds his fiance on the couch he starts crying and curls into the warmth of his lover who silently pets his hair. The only sound in the apartment is Kibum’s wretched sobs and Jinki’s humming. When he finally calms down, he lifts his head from Jinki’s shoulder to look at him. He sniffs and Jinki smiles a little and lets his forefinger remove the stray tears that are still on Kibum’s cheeks.

“What happened baby?” he asks and Kibum takes a deep breath.

“The government is watching us.”

He sniffs again and grabs Jinki shirt so he can dry his cheeks with the fabric.

“The government?” Jinki questions and Kibum nods. “Oh, poor baby! The government is looking at my fiance because he’s so good looking.”

Jinki jokes and Kibum can’t help the giggle that escapes his lips.

“They should be looking at you then,” he murmurs and Jinki smiles and kisses him on the nose.

They spend the next couple of minutes snuggled up together before Kibum asks Jinki why he’s at home. Jinki just hums and Kibum places his hands on his hips and demands that his fiance doesn’t skip work just like that.

They order take-away even though Kibum complains that Jinki is going to make him fat before their wedding and Jinki assures him that if there is one of them that is going to be fat it will be him because of Kibum’s high metabolism. Kibum scoffs but softly tells Jinki that he will love him no matter what, skinny or fat. Jinki laughs. They eat their dinner snuggled up together on the couch and fall asleep on the couch.

“Something is terribly wrong with Kibum,” Taemin tells Jonghyun that evening over the phone.

“I know,” Jonghyun answers before a wail drowns everything else. Voices talk and then a door is shut before it quiets down again. “Uh, sorry about that, Daejin has started teething and it hurts him,” Jonghyun excuses. “What did you say about Kibum?”

The conversation is once again back on topic.

“Today when we were eating lunch he suddenly became paranoid that the government was watching him. He spotted the security camera and from there it just spiraled into something I couldn’t control.”

Jonghyun spends a couple of minutes in thought before he remembers.

“Yesterday he texted me and told me that Minho was in love with him.”

Taemin snorts at that.

“That’s ridiculous, Minho’s married, isn't he?”

Jonghyun nods, only then remembering that Taemin can’t see him.

“Yeah, he is. And he seems happy, it’s been a while since I spoke to him, but that’s my impression.”

Taemin hums in agreement.

“This is not his depression hyung. I don’t know what to do with Kibum anymore…” he admits and Jonghyun sighs.

“Me neither.”

Kibum wakes up on Wednesday with his clothes on on the sofa and he blinks before he stretches. When he stands up he stretches once again. It’s not comfortable lying on the couch and sleeping. He hides a yawn behind his hand and drags his feet into the kitchen only to turn to the refrigerator and see blank steel without a little yellow post-it, bent in the corners. He panics before he remembers that he put it on the kitchen table when he was cooking on Monday.

With relief he turns around and lets his eyes search the table. He finds that it is empty. This sparks his panic again and he searches frantically for the little yellow post-it note for the next hour. He removes everything from every cabin, pots and pans now on the floor instead of where they belong.

Kibum wants to wail. He normally doesn’t cry this easily but without the note it’s as if Jinki is gone. He sits on the floor and hides his head in his hands and cries. Then someone rings the doorbell and Kibum scrambles up from his sitting position. He tries to dry his tears but he looks just as dishevelled when he opens the door and faces Jonghyun.

“Oh my god, Kibum!” the older man exclaims and he hurries into the apartment and wraps his arms around the younger. “What happened?”

Kibum sniffs.

“I can’t find the note Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun releases Kibum a little.

“The note?” he asks and Kibum nods and sniffs again.

“Yeah. Jinki always leaves a note and tells me he’ll be back in 5 minutes. But it’s gone, Jonghyun, it’s gone.”

Jonghyun let's completely go of Kibum.

“Does he write a new one everyday?” Jonghyun questions, his voice filled with something Kibum can’t detect and Kibum shakes his head.

“No, we always use the same one. I can’t find it Jonghyun!”

Kibum is close to tears again and he sits down on the floor in the hall and pulls his knees close to his chest.

“It has to be here somewhere, let me help you find it.”

Jonghyun ventures further into the apartment only to stop again when he sees the mess in the kitchen. He blinks a couple of times before he turns to Kibum, who is still seated on the floor, face now hidden in his knees.

“Where was it the last time you saw it?” he asks and Kibum mumbles ‘on the kitchen table’.

Jonghyun searches around in the apartment before he finds it in Kibum’s work bag. It’s a miracle. Kibum cradles the little piece of paper close, stares at it with fond eyes before he puts it on the refrigerator again.

Hey, I’ll be back in 5 minutes but if I’m not just read this message again.

“Why are you even here?” Kibum questions Jonghyun when they’re seated in the couch, a cup of coffee in front of both of them. Jonghyun takes a deep breath before he turns to Kibum.

“I’m your best friend, right?”

Kibum nods.

“Yes?”

Jonghyun nods as well.

“So you’re not going to get mad at me for what I’m going to say?”

Kibum raises an eyebrow.

“That depends on what nonsense you’re about to say.” Jonghyun sighs again and Kibum is slowly growing tired of this. “Just say it, Jonghyun.”

Kibum takes a sip of his coffee and Jonghyun locks his gaze on the blank television.

“Jinki is dead,” he says and Kibum puts the coffee back on the table to make sure he doesn’t drop it onto the wooden floor.

“Stop saying that, that’s ridiculous. I’m telling you, he was with me the other night!”

Jonghyun finds a piece of paper from his bag.

“No, he wasn’t Kibum.”

Kibum crosses his arms, not willing to accept the paper Jonghyun now hands towards him.

“He was! We ate take-away and fell asleep on the couch. Is it really going so bad with Minjung that you need to ruin my relationship as well? Just get a divorce already!”

Jonghyun tries hard not to get mad.

“Minjung and I are fine. I’m not trying to ruin your relationship Kibum. I’m doing this because I’m worried about you.”

Kibum snatches the paper from him and lets his eyes scan it. It’s a medical certificate and in the top corner is the name Lee Jinki.

“How did you get this?” Kibum asks, voice laced with anger.

“Doesn’t matter, read it," Jonghyun says.

Kibum stands from the couch.

“Of course it matters! It’s confidential information! Do you want me to go snooping in your medical record?!”

Kibum’s chest is heaving with shallow breaths as he tries to stay calm.

“Please, just read it Kibum.”

Jonghyun begs and Kibum lets his eyes scan the document once again. That is until he reaches the end.

Death: May 25th 2012 5.56 PM. Cause: Aorta Rupture. Patient suffered from unknown Genetic Connective Tissue Disease. Death occurred before ambulance arrived. 

All of a sudden it’s as if Kibum is violently 3 years back and he remembers waking up to the yellow post-it, smiling and 5 minutes later getting a phone call telling him that Lee Jinki had died.

After that he only remembers reading the post-it note over and over again, giving Jinki yet another 5 minutes to return. He sinks to the floor, cradling the paper to his chest. Kibum doesn’t cry. He can’t cry. He doesn’t hear when the front door opens and Taemin enters with a man in a uniform. Taemin and Jonghyun share glances and the man in uniform sinks to his knees.

“Kim Kibum?” he asks but he doesn’t get an answer. “My name is Lee Sooman. I’m a doctor and I’m here to speak to you. Your friends are worried about you.”

Kibum doesn’t say anything.

Jonghyun brings his wife and his son and Taemin brings his boyfriend along when they enter the hospital a month later. Minho had declined their offer, telling them that although he was Kibum's co-worker they weren’t that close. Kibum lies in his bed and stares into the white ceiling. He doesn’t notice the flowers Minjung places in the vase on the table beside him or the chocolate Taemin tells Jongin to place on the other table.

“Kibum?” Jonghyun asks and Kibum reacts to his voice. He smiles and sits up in his bed.

“How are you?” Minjung asks before her husband and Kibum sends her a smile as well.

“Good, I’m fine, I’m good. Jinki told me to sleep so I’m glad you got here so I don’t have to. He’s going to be here in 5 minutes.”

He glances fondly towards the yellow note beside his pillow and smiles wide.