"Sarangiran apeugo apeun geot yeah
ibyeoriran apeugo deo apeun geot gatae
niga eopseumyeon nan andoel geot gata
saranghaejwo saranghaejwo
dasi nae pumeuro wajwo"

"Love is so painful
Goodbyes are even more painful
I can’t go on if you’re not here
Love me, love me
Come back to my arms"

BTS- Outro: Love Is Not Over

Yixing sat on the front step of his quaint little house staring out into the darkness, the flickering street lamp adding to the gloomy atmosphere. The coffee in the mug that marked 'World's Best Boyfriend!' had long gone cold but he was too lost in his own misery to even care. It was quickly approaching midnight and he let out an audible sigh, only then realising just how cold it was as his breath fogged up in front of his face.

This was the third week..... Jongdae was out late again. He never made excuses and Yixing was always too afraid to ask for an explanation so, instead, he assumed it was just business though with each day, his heart cracked a bit more, his pillow became more soaked and his brain painted horrible images making the very thought of existing painful. They'd been together for four years and they'd lived perfectly. Maybe a little too perfectly. Things began to change two months ago and little by little, the relationship became stressful. Jongdae began smiling less and speaking even less and that was a huge sign that something was off, considering his boyfriend was always cheerful and happy, even in bad times.

Yixing noticed immediately, of course, and tried everything, from cooking Jongdae's favourite dishes to surprising him with dates, chocolates and even little gifts. His lover would always smile and accept the gifts but not a minute later, he'd returned to what had now seemed to be his usual self. Then came the staying out late. At first, Yixing would come home from working at the kindergarten and immediately begin preparing dinner for his boyfriend and himself but when dinner rolled around and his countless text messages and calls went unanswered, he would eat and leave Jongdae's food covered on the table before retiring for the night.

He was so used to sleeping with the love of his life in his arms, sharing their warmth and scent (Jongdae smelt like a hint of mint and strawberries) that it was almost impossible to fall asleep but he forced himself anyways, reminding himself that tomorrow was a new day and he had to be at his best to properly take care of the children at the kindergarten.

The first morning came as a shock. He vividly remembers startling awake at the sound of his alarm, "... Nae nuni wae iri nunbusyeo hage dwae. Simjangi wae iri michin deut ttwige hae. Sum gappa ojiman naegen neomu sojunghae itjima..." He immediately looked over to the other side of the bed, eyes wide when he saw the sleeping figure of his boyfriend next to him, his body rising and falling gently with each breath. Yixing smiled and leaned over, brushing the messy black hair from Jongdae's face and placing a gentle kiss to the man's forehead. "Dae, it's time to wake up. You have to go to work," he cooed sweetly and gave the man some space as he stirred, sleepy eyes fluttering open to meet Yixing's.

At least Jongdae came home. That was Yixing's thoughts and it convinced him to not peruse his boyfriend for answers to questions he was too afraid to ask. He did trust him after all. Jongdae seemed tired and their usual breakfast filled with smiles, idle chatter, teasing and tender kisses was replaced by a more sombre and quiet one.

As the weeks went by, Yixing became increasingly frustrated. Jongdae continued to come home late but was gone by the time Yixing was awake. He'd go days without seeing him and it wore on his tired mind to no end but fear kept him from confronting him on the issue. He convinced himself that Jongdae loved him enough to return on weekends so he would still accept his future husband even though he was probably cheating. Finding out the truth would be worse than being oblivious.

After a month, Yixing began taking initiative to win his boyfriend back. He wouldn't be replaced. He couldn't. Jongdae loved him alone. Their engagement rings were a sign of that and his lover still wore his. That must have meant something. He'd feel a flicker of hope whenever his little dinosaur smiled, thin lips, curving upward in the most beautiful way possible.

Jongdae never threw away the gifts but somehow each item disappeared from the house as did his lover's most precious belongings. The small Micheal Jackson paperweight he had on his desk, his and Yixing's favourite guitar, their song book, the cologne that Yixing gifted him on his twenty fifth birthday last year, it was all gone. Yixing's heart broke a little more each day every time he returned to an empty house and woke up in an empty bed.... every time he went downstairs to make breakfast and found Jongdae's dinner still on the table, untouched.

Tonight was different. It was their fifth anniversary. Months ago, Jongdae had promised to celebrate it with him but here he was, sitting on the porch of their house at some ungodly hour in the morning, waiting for the finacé he knew would never come home. He'd held back the tears for so long but gripping his treasured cup around pale fingers, he let them flow. The cup fell to the floor, shattering and startling the neighbourhood stray cat that was hiding in the bushes. The black, murky liquid spilled onto the deck, seeping through the cracks in the wood. He watched the sight through blurry eyes and then buried his face in his palms, letting out an agonizing wail as the emotions hit him in waves, rocking him to the very core.

Jongdae was his life. Without his lover, he was empty. He was a hollow, aching shell. His sobs only intensified, body shaking violently as he screamed at the night, clawing at his skin, hoping that wherever his lover was, he'd hear and come running to him. It became increasingly difficult to breathe as all the little voices that he’d been pushing away came out to play, reminding him of how insignificant and unimportant he was to the man he was undoubtedly loyal to. He wasn’t good enough for Jongdae.

“That’s why he left you.”

 “You’re not worth it.”

“He’s happier with his new partner.”

 “You were just a phase.”

“He was using you.”

 “He was cheating on you from the beginning.”

“FACE IT, YIXING. YOU’RE WORTHLESS.”

His world came crashing down, the voices getting louder, mocking him, tearing his sanity apart and he felt himself drowning. The weight pressing down on him physically and mentally was unbearable and he could feel himself slipping away from consciousness slowly. Maybe this was his death. He was finally going to be released from this prison.

“...Boiji anneun neol chajeuryeogo aesseuda. Deulliji anneun neol deureuyeo aesseuda. Boiji anteon ge boido. Deulliji anteon ge deullyeo. Neo nareul tteonan dqiro naegen eopdeon himi saenggyeosseo.” The words filtered through into Yixing’s mind. It was his new alarm ring tone since Jongdae stopped coming home all together. Groaning, he struggled to open his eyes, covering them with his palms when the sunlight greeted him. His head was pounding and his muscles felt sore. It took some time to gather his thoughts and he let out an exasperated sigh as the events of last night came flooding back.

Finally looking around, he realised he was in his (and Jongdae’s bedroom). “How the hell...” he trailed off and jumped when the door swung open. His heart leapt into his mouth as for a split second, he thought that Jongdae had come and saved him but his hopefulness sank when a doe-eyed boy with chocolate brown hair walked in, a bowl of something steaming in his hands.

“What’s with that look?” Luhan sassed, a frown plastered across his delicate face as he sat the bowl down on the nightstand and took a seat on the bed next to Yixing. He lifted his hand up to the younger’s forehead and smiled a little, content with the temperature. “You had a slight fever this morning. I was afraid Sehunnie and I would have to carry you to the hospital.”

“Lu ge?” Yixing finally croaked, eyes filled with confusion. “Why are you here? How did I get here?”

Luhan sighed and clicked his tongue, looking down at the sheets in an attempt to collect his thoughts before beginning. “Sehunnie and I were coming over this morning to drop muffins that I baked and we found you on the front porch passed out and ice cold. You were unresponsive to everything... I started to panic and was going to call the ambulance but Hunnie stopped me and helped me carry you inside. We warmed you up and changed your clothes and stuff. These muffins were to celebrate your and Jong’s anniversary...” he trailed off, looking at his friend worriedly.

As soon as Luhan mentioned His name, Yixing teared up, glassy eyes fixated on his hyung looking so broken and desperate. No one knew what was going on. He’d forgotten that he’d been pretending that everything was fine between him and Jongdae and he assumed that Jongdae was either doing the same or just wasn’t in contact with his friends at all. In the current situation, he had no choice but to explain everything to his best friend.

“Where is Hunnie?” Yixing asked weakly. He didn’t want the younger boy to be around. He loved him dearly but this was going to be extremely difficult to explain to his best friend, yet alone his best friend’s boyfriend.

“Don’t worry, he went to help his dad out at the company. Yixing, please talk to me. I’m worried. Where’s Jong? What’s going on with you two? Did you guys fight?” He asked, softly, gently wiping the tears that rolled down his best friend’s pale cheeks.

All Yixing could do was cry but now he had a shoulder to cry on. Someone he could finally share his burdens with. He was grateful for having a friend like L