In the studio, friends' laughter echoed against the walls. A simple gathering amongst Super Junior and amongst the people they cared about took place prior to the enlistments of a couple of their members, Hyukjae, Siwon, and Donghae. Such event should not seem to be a happy one; however, no one really wanted to dwell on the negative, that many would be lost by the end of the year. Instead, they wanted to cherish and enjoy the time that they all had left together.

 

At least, that was what Hyukjae had hoped for. Viewing the faces of his families and friends, he felt a strong overwhelming emotion which made him tear up. Luckily, none had noticed this slight moment. In fact at the time, most people were watching Siwon and listening to him talk about the new adventures this new phase in life would bring them. Hyukjae had spoken earlier, stating that their stage personas would have some time to rest and would come back energized after they come back from the service. He made a joke about Eunhyuk disappearing for awhile but would be back better than ever in two years. Donghae, on the other hand, did not talk very much since the start of the gathering, except stating that he would miss everyone.

 

There was a gloomy cloud surrounding Donghae, and it had been for awhile. When Hyukjae tried to talk to him before, Donghae got slightly angry, his face contorting to a frustrated visage, and he muttered something inaudible that Hyukjae could not understand, and in the end, Donghae brushed him off. Hyukjae did not understand the sudden mood change. And as the time went on and the dates of enlistments got nearer, he himself got frustrated with Donghae. In all the years that they spent together, their friendship prevailed; any disagreements, fights, or arguments had been resolved. To Hyukjae, this time should be the same way, too. They could not possibly separate with such negativity between them.

 

When someone the music later on and people started to dance, Hyukjae found a chance to talk to Donghae. He could have waited, but the opportunity presented itself when Donghae slipped out of the room to the hallway, leading towards other offices and studio rooms. Looking around the people in the room, he knew he would not be missed, so he followed the other Lee.

 

"Hey, Donghae!" Hyukjae called out when he was out of the hearing vicinity of the others.

 

Donghae continued walking, not showing any sign that he heard Hyukjae.

 

Hyukjae walked faster and grabbed his friend's arm, calling out "Donghae" a little louder.

 

Donghae stopped walking, yet he did not turn around to face him. Hyukjae heard Donghae utter words softly, but he could not understand the words spoken. Hyukjae sighed and walked around the rigid figure that was Donghae, so he could face his friend.

 

There, he saw his friend's eyes looking at him as if he was the most despicable person to walk the earth.

 

Shocked, Hyukjae stared at Donghae.

 

What the hell did I do? Hyukjae thought. He racked his brain, sifting through his memory to find what he may have done and coming up with... not really anything. At least nothing recent.

 

"Did I do something?" Hyukjae whispered. He could not voice anything louder than this volume, for he did not want Donghae to start crying, or screaming at him or be mad at him (well, not anymore than he seemed to already be). He really was stupefied at the way Donghae was behaving.

 

"Did you do something?" Donghae echoed, "no, you didn't do anything.." he answered.

 

"Then, why are you acting like this?"

 

"You didn't do anything."

 

"But--"

 

"You didn't do anything."

 

"Donghae--"

 

"You DIDN'T do anything."

 

"I don't unders--"

 

"You... didn't... do... anything. You... did... NOTHING. You don't care. You. Don't. Care. We are leaving. And you don't care. You don't ING care. You go and be your normal self, and here I am.. here I am, trying to drown myself with other people's company, trying to forget.. here I am struggling.. while you.. it doesn't affect you even a little. There is NOTHING."

 

Mind reeling from Donghae's angry words, Hyukjae tried to appease his friend. "Donghae, I do care that we are leaving, but there is really nothing that we can do, except accept that it will happen and we will see each other again, see everyone again. I have thought about this for months, and it was difficult to accept, but we can't fight against this. No one could really fight against this. Besides, this is not the end to anything. It won't ever be an end. It's only a slight pause to our lives."

 

Hyukjae knew that he sounded convincing. How many times have he said these same exact lines to himself..? At times, he was able to believe them. At this time, he did not really have a choice; he had to believe them since he was convincing Donghae as well.

 

"This is just a bump in the road. A certain page in a book. A small scene in a movie. A line in a song. This is not the end," Hyukjae told Donghae. He then smiled at Donghae, as if he was an older brother trying to stop his younger sibling from bursting in tears.

 

"You don't understand, Hyukjae.." Donghae dropped his angered look. It was replaced with the frustration that Hyukjae all too often saw.

 

"Try me."

 

"Fine!! I'm not ready for you to go.. I am not ready for you to leave me.. I am not ready to not see your face everyday. I'm not ready to not feel you when you are next to me. Not ready to not hear your voice, your laugh, your mere sound. Not ready to not be with.. you.. Do you see? Do you ing see?"

 

"Wait, Donghae.." Hyukjae tried to stop his friend from talking. His friend, dammit. His friend. His ing friend. His friend whom he cherished above all others. His friend whom he valued the most. His friend whom he adored. His friend whom he loved. Still loved and loved with all his heart. His friend who did not show any interest but friendship towards him. His childish friend who did not show any romantic inclinations towards him. "ing hell.. stop.."

 

However, Donghae could not be deterred, and so he continued, "All of these, Hyukjae.. How will I ever be ready to let go..? All of these.. All of YOU... became a part of me.. they ARE a part of me. Before you came to my life, I was me.. I was whole. But you came in and molded yourself to me, making you something I can't live without. You are like the air that I breathe, the constant, unnoticeable essence that sustains me and enables me to be alive, so how can I be without you? For two years? Two, long ing years?"

 

Speechless, Hyukjae only stared at Donghae who was breathing heavily from finally unloading the heavy weight that he had been carrying. What can he say to answer the barrage of questions that were thrown towards him? He did not expect any of these to come out of Donghae's mouth.

 

Donghae continued, "Now... now that you have to be separated from me, to break you away from me, to take you out of me, do you really expect me to be ready for that? Do you really expect me to be whole and okay when it feels as if a part of me is slowly shattering? That a part of me is being sawed off? That a part of me will be... missing? Every minute, I feel it. Every second, I feel it. You know.. you know you will take a piece of me with you when you leave, and you expect me to be ready for that? To go on for two years like that? When at this moment... just at this moment, this feeling... just looking at you right now is killing me."

 

And Hyukjae continued to stare as he watched his friend step closer to him. He stood still even though his first instinct was to step back. His head is buzzing. He could not think. He could only stare and continue to stare helplessly, hypnotized by this person in front of him.

 

He saw Donghae's mouth move, voicing the words, "Close your eyes, Hyukjae."

 

He obeyed.

 

And a second later, he felt one of Donghae's hand intertwine with one of his while the other tilted his chin. And another second later, he felt a soft pressure against his lips. And another second after that, he felt Donghae let go of him.

 

"," Hyukjae said while opening his eyes. His eyes focused on Donghae who was watching him warily. Tiredly. As if he just fought an exhausting war and was waiting for Hyukjae to strike back.

 

Lee Donghae kissed him. His friend, Lee Donghae, kissed him. His friend, Lee Donghae whom he would probably not see in two years, just kissed him. Lee Donghae...

 

"Why... Donghae?" Hyukjae's voice breaking.

 

Instead of responding directly to the question, Donghae merely exhaled the words, "Now, you understand.."

 

"Lee Donghae... no, you don't understand. I have to be the strong one, remember? It's me who takes care of you... remember? It's not that I don't care... It's because I do. A lot. You don't even know..."

 

_____________________________________________________________________

 

Just a little scene in my mind. Been bothering me for awhile now. So, just wanted to share. ^^

Sorry for the mistakes, grammatical errors, blah blah blah. /o\

 

#eunhaeftw tho ..... ALWAYS

 

ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS

 

THY SHIP SAILS. OTP FOREVER!!!! ;3

 

#WinterLove