|| Sono tte dake wa hanasanai no… ||

Music blared through the speakers as she sat in her car in the middle of traffic.

“I wonder where that went now?”

A smirk escaped her lips and immense anger clouded her eyes. She immediately turned to another radio station, unwilling to hear more of the lyrics, more of the song, much more the voices of the singers.

I will not let go of your hand. Yeah, right.

She kept her eyes trained on the road before her – traffic was quite bad and a lot of cars were ahead of her, barely moving an inch. It was rush hour and nothing ever goes your way when it’s rush hour. A lot of honking could be heard and some frustrated looks from those behind the wheels driving the car.

She wasn’t really mad because of the traffic jam. Well, a little bit. But, much more because of the song, especially the line, that she heard through the radio when she decided to turn it on. Just because of that one song, a lot of things came running and playing back in her head! Tears were already pooling in her eyes, fighting their way out of their sockets and down her face.

“Of all songs…!” she hissed in frustration as she hit the steering wheel.

She lowered her head and tears fell one by one from her eyes. Slowly, sobs started escaping from her lips, but before it could transform into something worse, before she starts bawling inside, she immediately muffled her cries and stopped her tears. With a lot more effort than usual.

Without knowing about it, she accidentally tuned in to a certain radio channel hosted by a certain person.

“8:00 PM” her digital clock said with its robotic voice.

She immediately looked up as she heard a voice through the radio, just right after her digital clock announced the time.

“… -M Date.” the DJ said.

“Huh?” she wondered as a song immediately played.

Coincidence, maybe.

She shrugged off her thoughts as she listened and paid close attention to the song currently on that station. She noticed the song.

“Roy Kim’s ‘Home’.” She mumbled as she hummed to the song’s tune.

With the song playing, she minded a little less the traffic jam. The rhythm and the melody of the song soothed her and gave her that feeling she felt from before, from way back then.

As the ending melodies continued on, she mused.

“It’s really wonderful, and the lyrics, too. Just a masterpiece.”

She closed her eyes as she let herself into the song. Just then, the song ended and a familiar voice was heard through the radio.

“That first song was Roy Kim’s Home. Yeah…” the voice said, which caused her to snap her eyes open.

“Actually, while I was listening to this, I kind of went into a daze.” It continued on saying.

Her eyes held a lot of emotions – anger, longing, pain, hurt, happiness, everything. There was a certain melancholy of sorts in her eyes. She remains seated and calm but her aura speaks otherwise. She was physically present but mentally absent. She had gone to a place where only she knows and no one else can follow.

“How should I put this… it’s like talking about my story. It’s a song that I want you to listen to… I can empathise with the lyrics.”

Me, too.

Tears began pooling in her eyes once more. Outside, it started raining and the cars were still barely moving an inch. But she didn’t mind. How can she even muster strength much less attention to the outside when inside, she’s got a lot going, a lot on her hands? How can she even bother to if something else has gotten her full attention and ignoring so would cause a lot more mishaps than what’s already on her plate?

“Of course you probably wouldn’t have heard it…”

I’m listening right now, babo.

“… but whenever you’re tired and when people around you aren’t there,…”

Like right now? I’m alone, you know. As if you’ll know.

Tears made their way down her face.

“… I hope you know that coming back is where home is. Yeah, that’s right.”

I wish I can.

“This is just something that I want my friend to know.”

At this, hysterical laughter echoed in her car.

“So, I still am?” bitter and hurt-filled tears continued racing down her face, as the rain pounded harder down. “I’m still a ‘friend’?”

She just shook her head miserably and smiled spitefully at her own predicament, at her own situation right now. Her shoulders started shaking as her silent cries turned to fits of sobs and she then leaned on the steering wheel unable to hold herself any longer.

“I’m still a friend. What about to her, then? Am I still…?”

The word disappeared in , could no longer be channelled from her thoughts. She could no longer hear whatever’s on the radio, whatever the DJ and the guests were saying, whatever topic they were conversing; the rain outside was barely audible for her; the countless, impatiently honking cars; she couldn’t hear neither of them as she was into her own world, drowning herself in a sea of memories, of emotions.

She then decided to turn the radio off, unwilling to hear any more and just stayed in that position for a while, seemingly waiting for the cars to move but that’s just an alibi. Deep down, she’s crumbling to dust. Again.

After what seemed like a million years, the cars finally started moving. Noticing this, she wiped the last of her tears and fixed herself and drove to where she wanted to be the most right at that moment.

 

Stop.

Click.

Locked.

Silence.

She immediately stepped out of her car and straight into the house without saying anything, afraid of waking or disturbing whoever was home. If anybody was ever.

Not even bothering to look about the place and check, she went straight into her room and locked the door. She put her things, or rather threw them, into the bed and went into the corner and released everything. Silently.

Despite all the pain, all the suffering she’s currently feeling, she must not let other people know that she’s still hurting, that she still haven’t moved on despite her saying so in countless interviews and such, or every time someone asks her. She must not let anyone know that she still haven’t let go of everything, that she still carries that burden. She must not let anyone hear her bitter cries, or even see her tears – she couldn’t afford to make other people suffer at the same time as her and make them carry or share the burdens that is on her shoulders.

Her knees brought up to her chest and her head placed above the knee caps, hands tightly wrapped around her legs, tears continually ran down. She’s as broken as broken can be. And with all that had happened and everything she heard in the car earlier, her cries intensified more. Just minus all the volume – she cried and broke down silently.

No words, no sounds, nothing except silence, haunting silence. Silence filled the room clothed in darkness, but occasionally, a few muffled sobs would be heard. However, just faintly.

After a while, she hung her head and leaned it on the wall and straightened her legs. With eyes closed, still, tears continued on their journey down.

Moonlight seeped through the blinds in the room, offering some light into the dark room. And as had been the moment she entered, silence rained and echoed throughout the room – a sad, poignant turn of the night.

 

 

She shakes her head as she remembers that night while looking at a certain design, that one night among all those other nights of almost the same flow, but with slightly differing events. A night so memorable to her because of those words. But, most especially, because of that one hard decision she made.

Now, I really wish for a second chance. But I know we can no longer…

She sighs as she closes the folder with the prospect designs and set it down the table. She then turns her attention to her office.

The office is quite massive and is filled with her designs and posters. Aside from that, black and white dominates the minimalistic office.

She smiles proudly to herself seeing her achievements so far.

“Who would ever think…” she whispers.

However, her smile immediately turns into a sad one, recalling everything that happened before having everything that she currently has. Immediately, she goes back through memory lane. Again.

Suddenly, a knock disrupts her zoning out moment and yanks her back to reality.

“Ms. Jung…?”

She straightens herself as she answers.

“Yes? Enter.”

Wow. Like a boss. Really. I still can’t believe this. Not used to it, rather.

The door creaks open…

Okay, I’m talking to myself. Stop.

… and someone steps inside, wielding a smile.

She can’t help but smile as well, though quite a few percent short of 100, for deep inside, she was hoping that that person will come. However, still, she’s happy. This was part of the choice she made long ago.

“You ready?” the person asks.

She nods and gets up from her chair and takes a few steps to close in the gap between her and the person who just entered. A hug then is given to her by the person and she acknowledges it.

“I miss you, Jess.”

“Missed you, too, Ty.”

A few seconds pass and they let go of each other. The person, Tyler Kwon, is looking at her with sparkling eyes, holding love for her. She smiles at that and Tyler’s smile gets even wider. However, Jessica’s smile is because of another reason – it’s because she misses someone who used to do such a thing for her, and even prank her and all, but she just lets Tyler think whatever he wants to think.

After that one person, Tyler would be the next best thing. I do like this guy.

“Shall we go then?” Tyler asks.

“Sure.”

The two then take their leave.

As the door of the office closes, the light from the outside goes through the window and continues to light the office making the scene seemingly filtered to be bright, making the black and white combination look even more stunning as they are engulfed in a heavenly light.

 

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Hey guys ~

I thought about posting this just recently. You know, just a bit of commemoration of that day.

I wrote this a long time ago, as you can see from the implied timeline, and I'm a bit unsure of posting this one until now.

I know I still have a lot of fics to update *coughs coughs* *hides* but I guess I can't just let this one pass and let that day come and then go without posting this one. I'd feel down if I'd let Sept. 30 to come then go without ever posting this one. At least before a year passes after that happening happened, I posted this fic I wrote some time after it happened.

Anyway, please look forward to my other fics. I have the next chapter in my hands right now but I'm still unsure about the cuts in the story, so please wait a little bit longer.

Thank you for reading this one-shot and my other stories. And for being patient with my incompetence in terms of updating my stories. I just have a lot on my platter now guys. I deeply apologize for the long wait and the long waits to still possibly come.

 

Much love, 

Author