Youngjae

I have never wanted anything for my birthday for these 20 years, except people to remember the date when I was born and words of congratulations or happy birthday. I didn’t even care if there is any present or not. I just want to be remembered and that’s all.

I just feel that if people remember my birthday it means that they care and love me. it’s not that I have never feel being loved, well I can get anything in my life using the “love” from my parents. I just want people to remember my birthday and get “happy birthday” message from my friends. Especially my best friend, I mean someone who is more than best friend, (aka I want him to be my boyfriend but I can’t). But why is that so hard for them?? Why can’t them remember my birthday? It’s just one day for god sake and it is just once a year. I even  remember that uncle who always cut my hair when I was a child  birthday. “Why can’t people remember mine??” that was the question that I always had in my birthday.

In my 17 birthday, I use three old tricks to make my family remember that it was my birthday. First, I asked my brother “what day is it today?” and they answered “Friday.” And I asked  them again “what date is it today?” and they just answered, “youngjae-ah for the calendar sake just look at your phone and see, it’s September 17th, why are you still ask me? you have your phone in your hand.” Well he was right it was Friday and it was September 17th for calendar sake. Second, I show my mom my identity card and be like “mom look I got my identity card from school. And look there’s my birthday date here.” And my mom answered “Honey, it’s identity card of course there’s birthday date.” And of course without taking any single glance at it. The third, I was getting impatient so I just scream from my room tell the world that today was my freaking birthday, 17 years ago all of you were happy to see a new handsome baby was born and going to make the whole world new hope for the better world. I know my parents and my brother heard it since they finally knocked my door and apologized. I didn’t forgive them for a week until they promised to remember my birthday every year.

But today, it is not my family again. It is him. It’s Im jaebum. Im in’ Jaebum. He is my senior in school and also my neighbor. He moved here around three years ago and we became friend. I felt attracted to him since the first time I saw him, but it’s not that I tell him anyway. Hell noway I will tell him about my feeling. He is just too perfect for me. Later, he introduced me to his own group of friends.

They are Jinyoung hyung, Mark hyung, and Jackson hyung who are Jaebum hyung’s class mate, Yugyeom who is Mark’s brother and Bambam, Yugyeom’s best friend. I don’t know how they can finally stick with the hyungs but they seem enjoy it so yeah, and I finally join them too, since it can make me closer to jebum hyung.

Jinyoung hyung and Jaebum hyung are childhood friend, they always together. They even look good together. They know each other in and out very well. I was feeling jealous before, because I thought Jinyoung hyung and Jaebum hyung is a thing. Until Mark hyung finally confessed his feeling toward Jinyoung hyung in the new year party last year. I have to give thumbs up to Mark hyung. His confession last year was the sweetest thing I ever seen in my life. It was beautiful and it was meaningful.

I have to admit that I feel jealous toward Jinyoung hyung the most. Not only because Jaebum hyung but everything. I think Jinyoung hyung always get everything he wants in his life. He gets perfect boyfriend, loyal bestfriends, family who care, and everything that I wanted. Well, Jinyoung hyung deserves it, he is beautiful, more beautiful than many girls here, he is smart, polite and cute. If I met him first I might fall for him. And the most important thing here is that people remember and always remember his birthday.

Even yesterday, it was me, Bambam and Yugyeom, we were in Yugyeom and Mark hyung’s house and we were waiting for the hyungs to come since they have another class this afternoon. We were chatting until we came to the topic of birthday. To be very honest I was feeling excited since I thought they might remember my birthday, but to my disappointed they just talked about Jinyoung hyung’s birthday and what gift should they buy for him and it was my birthday, my in’ birthday tomorrow. I was smiling the entire talk, but my heart hurt so damn much. They didn’t remember mine yet they asked me about Jinyoung hyung’s.

I acted casual the entire day even the next they, when it was my birthday. Jinyoung hyung is the first one who sent me Happy birthday message in the early morning before I go to school, he even edited my picture beautifully as a gift, some minutes more Mark hyung who sent me the short but meaningful birthday message. Of course Jinyoung hyung will be the first one who remember since he is the most caring person in this world Youngjae version. And mark hyung might was picking up him and Jinyoung hyung told him. I was feling relieved  at least there’s someone who remembered my birthday.

The next who remembered is my family, they wish me happy birthday while breakfast. What make me happy was that they remembered my birthday without I told them a day before, (finally after these past 20 years they remember!!! MANSEEE!!).

Later, Jackson hyung come to my class and wish me happy birthday in front of my class, and Bambam and Yugyeom wish me happy birthday after school. And that’s it. That’s it all happened in my birthday. No cake. No party. No presents. And no Im jaebum.

Don’t ask me where he is, and why didn’t he wish me happy birthday. I don’t know either. I don’t know whether he was forget, he didn’t know, too lazy to congratulate me, or simply that I didn’t mean anything to him so he just let it. But it’s okay I still love him.

Actually I was waiting for him to congratulate me the next day, the next next day and everyday. But he seemed forget it, so I just let it. Until, at September 21st, four days after my birthday he texted me and asked to come to his house.

I was happy. Very happy. Really very happy that finally he texted me. but it didn’t last long. You know what??? Because he asked me to come to his house to discuss about surprise party for Jinyoung hyung’s birthday. Of course the whole gang were there except Jinyoung hyung. I thought it was Mark hyung’s idea but to make it worse it was Jaebum hyung’s idea. He said Mark hyung had his own agenda to celebrate his boyfriend’s birthday, and this party was going to be a present from us as a best friends. I didn’t know what to react at that moment. I was hopeless. I was in daze the entire meeting, showed them fake smile and screamed inside  my heart. I wanted to go home so bad. I was so mad. I was jealous. And I was hurt.

They even prepared a surprise for Jinyoung hyung and I didn’t get anything in my birthday. Not even  a simple “Happy Birthday Youngjae” from Jaebum hyung yet now he is so bussy for Jinyoung hyung’s birthday. He just skiped my birthday to Jinyoung hyung’s. Didn’t I deserve to be loved too? Wh y is it always Jinyoung hyung??

Finally the most anticipated day came, well at least for them. It was Jinyoung hyung’s birthday today. The surprise party was going well. Everyone was happy, except me. I feel bad for Jinyoung hyung, I barely smile in his birthday but I just can’t hold the pains. It already took my efforts to hold my tears. I want to be happy just like them but it’s hard. I wanted to feel what Jinyoung’s feeling right now in my birthday too. Jinyoung hyung always got this kind of party every year from his friends while I have ever experienced this kind of in my 20 years old living in this world.

The main event happened when two men from behind appeared using animal costumes. One of them was singing and the other one was playing guitar. It was so sweet. The one who sang knelt down in front of Jinyoung hyung and gave him a ring. When he opened the mask it turn out to be Mark hyung. As expected Mark hyung is the perfect boy friend ever.

I couldn’t hold my jealousy any longer, I walked towards the backyard of Jinyoung hyung’s house and NOT, I am not jealousy because of Mark hyung, I felt Jealous because of this birthday . I sat on the bench there and slowly my tears were falling. I didn’t realize that I was crying until a soft hand touched my face to remove my tears. I turned to the side and saw the man with animal costume who was playing guitar before sat by my side. I didn’t know why but I cried even harder and unconsciously I told this man everything. He seemed taken aback but I didn’t care, he hugged me and I cried in his chest. I didn’t even realize he was removing his mask. Until a voice, familiar voice got me back to reality.

“Sorry.” Yes that was Jaebum hyung. Im Jaebum. My crush. My senior. My neighbor. The most idiot man in this world. Im Jaebum the jerk.

“Hh..hyuung!!” I was too surprised. I was crying in this man chest who is happened to be Im Jaebum. And I was told him everything including, how idiot Im Jaebum is, and how I much I hate him I mean love him. Wait,, WHAT???!

“Sorry Youngjae, I didn’t know you were in pain. I didn’t know that I hurted you so bad. It’s not that I forgot. I was planning to make surprise and celebrate your birthday together with Jinyoung’s birthday. I was even wearing this costume to confessed to you. But you were walking away right before I started my confession. So I just came here and saw you crying. I am sorry I was being a jerk. I love you. And yes you deserve to be loved too. Jinyoung might have something but you have another thing which make you better than him, something that makeme fall for you. You have that charm. And do you know? You have the best smile. Your smile is my sunshine.”

I was freeze. What the hell was happening??  I didn’t say anything, until I felt he was holding my hands and knelt down in front of me. He kissed my hand and placed a ring in it.

“Youngjae-ah, I am sorry. Be my boyfriend will you? I promised to make you happy and feel be loved everyday just like Jinyoung.” He confessed to me.

“No hyung, I don’t want to....”I pulled him up and before I have not finished my talk he cuted my words.

“what do you mean?? Are you rejecting me? I thought you loved me. I won’t force you to accept me but please forgive me.”

“No hyung, I love you and yes I already forgive you. I just don’t want to be loved like Jinyoung hyung. I want to be loved because it is me. I want to be loved just simply because you love me. I want to be loved with your own way. I want it to be the story between us. You and Me only and no Jinyoung hyung there.” I smiled to him and he smiled to me too. I never imagined that I willl say those words to him. Not even  in my dream.

For some minutes we just stay there, smile to each other like idiot and doing nothing. Until he pulled me into a hug.

“I am sorry and I love you.” He kissed my foreheade and hugged me again.

“I love you too.”  Well this is my best birthday indeed.

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actually I was going to upload thi pic later at Jinyoung's Birthday but since it's Youngjae's bday I just uploaded it now.

Happy bday Youngjae :)