Insomnia is a and can my big toe.

Kibum chuckled softly as he read the large characters scrawled across the piece of blank paper. He set down his steaming mug on the desk and slowly maneuvered himself into the chair, careful to avoid making any loud noises. He ran his fingers on top of the paper smudging some of the still wet black ink.

When he glanced at the other papers strew around the desk and floor of the bedroom he saw several different kinds of lyrics and song titles. It was easy to tell which had been written earlier in the night by the state of the handwriting. As it went later into the night the characters had become sloppier and larger, many of them half-finished and turned into crude stick figures. One stood out in particular; a figure wielding a sword stabbing into a large black ghost-like figure. Kibum presumed the spots of ink littering the page were the creature’s guts.

“I thought I heard you wake up.”

Kibum jerked his hand away from the pages and to his chest. He spun around in the chair to face the owner of the drawings.

Jonghyun stood in the doorway, briefly scanning Kibum. He lifted the glass of water in his hands and gave a small smirk, “Sorry to scare you, Bum.”

The other scoffed and stood from the chair. Normally Kibum would retort with some sharp comment but seeing the state Jonghyun was in he couldn’t seem to find one. Jonghyun’s hair was all over the place, some strands stood up, proudly defying gravity and other were pressed against his forehead and neck. He seemed paler than usual and the heavy eye bags under his eyes didn’t help. Upon closer inspection Kibum could see a sheen of cold sweat on his skin.

“I’ll go make you some chamomile tea,” Kibum tried to walk past but Jonghyun reached out and held onto the others wrist. His hand was cold and clammy.

“I’m in the mood for ramyeon,” Jonghyun said, his voice was firm, steady. The complete opposite of his current appearance, “But we’re out.”

Kibum sighed, it wasn’t unusual for them to run out of food. Five boys lived in the dorm together, especially with Minho and Jinki’s appetite. The two of them alone could clean out an all you can eat buffet in a few hours if they were given the chance. Taemin once said it’s almost poetic; the amount of food they can eat. No one understood what he meant. Of course it was after a night of many alcoholic shots so nothing they were saying made any sense really.

Jonghyun let go of Kibum’s wrist and walked out into the hallway with him. It was dim, the only thing illuminating the hall was the small lamp, switched on, that was placed on Jonghyun’s desk. The two maneuvered through the hallway avoiding the spots that would creak and groan under any weight placed on it. Kibum walked on the balls of his feet and Jonghyun dragged his feet across the floor, thanks to his socks there was no resistance.

Kibum grabbed a discarded sweatshirt that lay on the couch, he wasn’t sure whose it was but the walk to his room was too far to bother going over to. “Grab a jacket and the keys, we can go to the twenty four hour store on the corner.” He heard the swish of Jonghyun’s sweatpants against each other as he slid over to the closet. While he waited, Kibum took his phone out of his own sweatpants, he pressed the button at the bottom and glanced up at the screen.

Three forty two in the morning. Kibum sighed, he always told Jonghyun to wake him up if it got especially bad. The poor man suffered from insomnia, more often than not he would be awake the see fall of dusk and the rise of dawn. He would sit, awake at his desk, scribbling away at paper. Trying to record every colorful though of his overactive mind into black and white. He would lie awake and mourn every second of sleep wasted. He would lie awake, adrenaline pumping through his veins as anxiety controlled his mind. It paralyzed him, it drove him mad.

Kibum wanted to help. He didn’t want him to suffer. This kind hearted man, only good things should come to him. But instead Jonghyun received a broken heart and an anxiety ridden mind. It drove tears to Kibum’s eyes.

“Bum,” his voice cut right through everything Kibum was thinking, “I’ve been trying to tell you that you need to put on some shoes before we leave.”

Kibum felt his face flush. He looked down and saw one pink sock and one sock with Big Bang’s Daesung on it. No shoes to be found.

Jonghyun chucked and handed Kibum his sneakers, “You’re cute when you’re sleepy.”

He took the shoes and snarled a bit, “I’m always cute, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jonghyun didn’t reply. He just watched as Kibum struggled to loop the shoe laces.

How cute.

It was another five minutes before the two were out the door and walking to the elevators in the building. Everything was still inside. Nothing moved, there were no noises. The silence made the elevator ding much louder than either could’ve remembered it to be.

Once outside however, the noises began to pick up. Drunken groups, ranging from two to ten people staggered down the sidewalk. The fair beat of some techno song was carried through the air into the pair’s ears. A group of college girls, dressed in tight pants and revealing shirts rushed past, hurrying to find the next bar or club so their friend can find a guy to sleep with.

Jonghyun and Kibum walked together in silence, their hoodies up, creating a shadow on their faces. While the walk to the store was only about three minutes, in Kibum’s mind the walk was over an hour. He was being suffocated and embraced by Jonghyun’s scent. The hoodie he had picked up belonged to the older boy. The woody musk stimulated Kibum’s senses. It demanded his attention, it made his mind race with thoughts of Jonghyun. How long ago did he wear this? Why does he smell so nice? Why haven’t I noticed this before? It’s so warm. I wonder what he’s done in this. I don’t remember seeing it before. Maybe it’s new. Was it a gift?

Jonghyun reached out and held onto Kibum’s hand as they neared the store. He knew the other wasn’t paying attention. It was unlike him not to be focusing. Kibum jumped a bit but relaxed soon after. Together, they walked into the corner store.

Without glancing at the cashier they began to cruise through the aisles in search for ramyeon. The store was empty save for the lone woman smoking a cigarette and eating a bowl of ramyeon at the stools facing the windows. Kibum took note of her disheveled black hair pulled up into a messy bun. Her makeup was smeared and her eyes were puffy. His heart began to ache as his mind twisted the woman into Jonghyun, alone and frightened. Quickly he turned away and tried to focus on finding the familiar brand Jonghyun liked the best.  

“It’s sad, right?” Jonghyun murmured into Kibum’s ear.

He glanced over to the older man and breathed out a what?

Jonghyun pulled Kibum into the next aisle and began to look through the packets of candy and cheap trinkets. “That she’s sitting there alone. Being alone is one of the saddest things that a human can experience. We’re made for company.”

Kibum nodded as he picked up the plastic pink crown from the shelf, “Everyone was once connected to another person to form one. It was their other half but they were split apart by God and lost each other. My grandmother used to tell me about that story and how I would one day find my other half. The person who makes my life complete.”

“I don’t think everyone has one set person, Bum.” The two walked into the next aisle where they finally found the wide assortment of ramyeon. “I think that everyone has a couple soulmates. Everyone has a few people they have a strong emotional, physical and mental connection to. I had that with her.”

Kibum tensed and cracked the packaging of the six pack he was holding. Jonghyun pretended not to notice as he took the package from him and grabbed two more.

“I felt connected to her. We shared passions and ideas and dreams. She understood me like no one else could. And of course it hurts like a when I think of it but I’ve realized something,” Jonghyun paused as they walked back into the previous aisle, “I was only the person meant to love her before the next one came along. She was only meant to love me until I realized that I was already in love with someone else.”

Jonghyun picked up that cheap crown from the shelf and turned to Kibum, carefully placing it on the top of his head. Kibum felt his face flush. He looked Jonghyun in the eyes and felt the world stop. He gave Kibum that dorky smile he gives the fans when they do something cute.

“I am in love with the person who worries about me more than themselves. I am in love with the person who will tolerate me waking them up because I’m having an anxiety attack. I am in love with the person who will get ramyeon with me at three in the morning when we have none left. I am in love with the person who makes me feel light as a feather. I am in love with the person who, no matter what they look like, will always be beautiful to me.”

Kibum felt his heart expand and fill with the love and adoration he had for the man in front of him. There were no words to explain the feelings he had for him. And Kibum wanted nothing more than to be stuck in that moment forever.

Carefully, Jonghyun held Kibum’s face, tears streaming down both of their cheeks. He leaned in and pressed his lips against the tear stains and whispered into them. It’s you Kibum, and I hope to God it will always be you. And he moved down to his lips, awkwardly moving the ramyeon aside so he could pull the taller man into him.

Inside that corner store was where Kibum and Jonghyun had their first official kiss. The fluorescent light illuminating their ruddy, tearstained faces and the ramyeon packages forgotten on the floor.

I want to be the only person meant to love you from this point onwards, Jonghyun.

And we are done. Sorry it took so long, and sorry if it feels rushed or weird or anything. It was just kinda a drabble idea that I got while wishing for something to experience the little things with <3 please comment and leave feedback <3

I hope you guys enjoyed this and have a wonderful day