Idiot.

Idiot idiot idiot.

Hakyeon really should've seen this coming.

The paper tore underneath his hand as he tried-- for the tenth time-- to write down a talisman he had to restock. He scrunches it up with clammy hands, chucking it blindly toward the trash bin. Without looking, he knows the wad floated silently into the trash instead of crashing onto the ground. 

He-- he can't focus. There's nothing exactly difficult about writing a talisman-- all it is is a couple of scriptures in brush pen ink and a little zap of magic. He's getting the scripture wrong; they're the only reason the magic stays in the paper. Either the brush slips from his hand (is his palms sweaty or is he gripping it too hard?) or he just forgets to add a mark. 

This... This doesn't happen. This never happens.

His hands are shaking; he doesn't know if it's from frustration or from the energy he's been drained of. The moments after he finally admitted he didn't know what to do to help Taekwoon were a blur in his mind. He had successfully stopped the infection, but it was still there, throbbing on Taekwoon's leg. 

He vaguely remembers being told that it's fine. It's okay that he doesn't know what else to do. If anything, the amount of reduction he caused was incredible in the hindsight. Even though he still felt the burning loathing towards Taekwoon, he... he failed in helping him.

Clenching his fists, Hakyeon heaves himself up to his feet. It was hours after his violent trek through the city, and the exhaustion really began to hit him. Hongbin said that he'd take Taekwoon to get some professional help with the bump on his head (it looked petty compared to the infection, but a live Taekwoon with a wounded leg is a lot better than a dead Taekwoon because a head injury), and after helping them to the urgent care center, Hakyeon headed off back home. He can't sleep even though he's tired. It's so contradicting, it pisses him off. 

It made him feel incredibly useless that he was doing nothing and staring at a wall, so he turned to making talismans. Talismans were easy to make and didn't require a lot of effort, so he thought he could do that till he could sleep or morning came to. It isn't going as planned.

His legs are quivering as he stands, hands pressed to the table for support. I knew it, Hakyeon thought, gritting his teeth, I knew this was going to happen. Did that stop me? Nope, . 

The surrounding objects immediately react to him, moving out of the way as he wobbles to the back door. He wishes there was a potion that could regain your energy in no time flat-- there probably is one, but he's just a tiny city wizard who has minimum access to trending magic. He moves to open the back door, content with sleeping on the couch there, but stops short. Instead, he presses his head to the wall and takes in a shuddering breath. Just to gather his mind and for support. 

He probably looks pitiful. Exhausted, head resting on the wall, struggling to stay upright-- he wouldn't be surprised if someone were to laugh at him.

"...Hakyeon?"

Oh my god I didn't mean for that to come true-- Hakyeon feels a spike of sheer panic, rounding about on whoever got to see this moment of weakness, but his mind reels and his body isn't following. For a second, his vision swims and his knees buckle. He stumbles (of all things, he stumbles) and the floor is approaching his face way too quickly. He's already mentally preparing for certain death when arms reach out last second to catch him.

He gets a face full of soft sweater before the two of them stumble backwards, Hakyeon's dead weight causing the other to loose footing. The other did regain his footing, but not without slamming his hip into the corner of a side table. A sharp curse left his mouth and Hakyeon was quick to respond.

"Oh god, I'm sorry--" he blurts, pushing away from the other and watching as they grabbed their side in pain. Without thinking, he reaches out and puts his hands onto of the others, his hands glowing a soft yellow as he pours healing magic onto their side. "I'm so sorry--"

"Stop!" The other yells, tearing himself away from Hakyeon. Hakyeon looks up,  bewildered at the rejection of help, and gaps at the face of Hongbin. He's sweating, his face twisted in a look of mild pain and distress. And... pity?

"Hakyeon," he breathes, his voice seemingly winded, as if he just ran, "just... stop." 

Something about the words hits Hakyeon like a truck. He stands for a moment, his hands itching with unused magic buzzing beneath his skin. He swallows thickly, banishing the magic pulsing in his fingers and asks, "W...Why are you here? How's... Taekwoon?" His tongue feels like it's wrapped in gauze, his throat dry. He couldn't understand why the name felt bitter in his mouth, but his thoughts don't linger on it.

"He's meant to stay the night. He can't do any magic to help it, so they're helping him." Hongbin explains, his hands moving from his side. An expression crosses his face and Hakyeon feels a swell of emotion because of it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah-- yeah!" Hakyeon lies straight through his teeth and if Hongbin can't tell, he's an idiot. "I'm just... tired, that's all. I was just a little light headed then. Sorry for falling on you." He chuckles in a way that sounds horrible in his own ears. He's not able to hide the sway in his feet or the clenching of his jaw when he has to focus to stay standing.

Hongbin doesn't seem convinced. (Hakyeon's not sure if that's a blessing or a curse.) "How much magic did you use?" He asks, his voice seemingly tight. It's kinda nice that Hongbin's trying to grasp the concept of magic, even though he never knew of its existence until just weeks ago. He had despised it, but it was probably out of fear of the unknown (never mind he still avoids magic like the plague).

In an obviously forced casual way, Hakyeon leans against the table for support. He would spill a couple more lies (what harm could it do?), but the solid look on Hongbin's face makes it seem like he'd see through any lie from miles away. So he bites back the urge to just cast a stupid spell to have Hongbin pass out or something, and says, "A... A bit more than I should've. It'll shake off, I swear." He's not totally pulling this out of his this time, but there's no way he can tell anyone that he's nearly used up all the energy he had. (Even Hongbin can put two and two together and assume that it's ing bad for him to burn through his energy like its straw.)

But the way Hongbin's eyes soften makes it seem like he knows. 

"I..." He speaks almost like a sigh and it makes Hakyeon want to slam his own head against the wall, "Hakyeon, you..." He looks like he has certain words on the tip of his tongue, ready to speak, but he shakes his head to himself and says solemnly: "Get some rest." He hates it that it seems like Hongbin feels like he's useless because he can't do anything to help. 

Hakyeon grins, slapping on an expression that's sure to be fool proof, "Aw, Hongbinnie, you're actually worried about me!" He beams. He would've reached out to swing his arm around Hongbin's shoulders, but he didn't trust his feet to keep him up.

"Don't joke about it," Hongbin nearly hisses, "get some rest." 

"I was! I was going to sleep!" Hakyeon argues. Hongbin looks like he doesn't believe him, so Hakyeon presses, "Really! Hongbin, I know my limits!" 

After a second of staring him down, Hongbin sighs and shakes his head. A brief swell of guilt builds inside of Hakyeon because this is someone who cares if he's taking care of himself and he's doing nothing but pushing him away. What else could he do, though? 

"I'll be back tomorrow," Hongbin announces after a moment, still not believing the lopsided grin on Hakyeon's face. He suddenly jabs a finger into Hakyeon's stomach, making him jump. "If I come here and see that you're dead tired or anything that shows you didn't sleep, I'll kick your ing ." 

The grin on his face morphs into an actual one, despite his exhaustion. "I'd like to see you try that," Hakyeon teases. Something looses up about Hongbin, as if he's revealed to see something genuine from him. 

Then he leaves and Hakyeon's alone to wallow in his thoughts.

a/n: B) 

btw i might be going back and adding more or editing earlier chapters throughout the week. so the next time I post a chapter, i'll put the chapters i tinkered with (if I do;;)

thank you for reading! ;;u;;