July, summer

I was making my way home from another day at work the sun beating down on me in that warm July air; it was hot too hot for my liking. When I first set my eyes on you weird was the first thought that came into my mind. Why is he wearing a black long sleeved shirt in July? You were just sitting there with your eyes closed, headphones in your ears, as I stepped forward mesmerized by those soft features, long eyelashes, button nose and heart thin shaped lips. I remember taking in a breath as your beautiful brown doe eyes opened a moment of curiosity flashed in your eyes before it was replaced by a scowl as your beautiful eyes narrowed. You just stood up and walked, walked farther and farther away from me until I couldn't see your retreating back any longer. 

I Fell in Love was what I thought as I made my way home with a eating grin on my face a mental photo of you in my head.

August, summer

A smile made its way to my face, how could it not when it's been a month since I've seen that face that couldn't help but resist popping up whenever it could. There you were again sitting on that swing, eyes closed, and headphones in. You were wearing that long-sleeved shirt again and the weird popped into my mind again, my body it seemed moved without my consent making my way to you. I couldn’t resist, I tried I did but my hand cupped your face before I could stop myself from doing it. Those eyes that I've been dying to see opened again flashing anger as you slapped my hand away, got up and walked away from me again. I tried stopping you, calling out to you but you wouldn't even spare me a glance.

Walking home that day I couldn't help but hope that we would see each other again.

September, summer

I couldn't believe my eyes I thanked the heavens and earth for making my wish come true. There you were standing in front of my class introducing yourself as Luhan, a foreigner from China who had moved because his mother got a job here in Seoul that was too good to miss out. That day I vowed to try my best in math class since my cranky teacher decided to sit you beside me I smiled as you walked towards the empty seat beside me pouting when you glared at me, turning your head away from me. You didn't even bother to spare me a glance after the bell rang you packed up your things then made you're way to your next class. I followed, I know weird but I was too curious I just needed to find out. When you walked into my next class I couldn't help but break out into a dance you were in my next class as well composing myself I walked in quickly making my way to sit beside you. You gave me that look that said ' what in the world do you think you’re doing' before putting your headphones in not just ignoring me, but also the teacher. When the bell rang you sprang up from your seat and walked out that door it was finally lunch and my friends bombarded me with question as to way I didn't sit with them in class. My only excuse was to shrug my shoulder and jokingly say I didn't feel like it. As we entered the cafeteria I looked around for you searching everywhere until I saw you in line with the other students trying to buy an apple. After buying a quick lunch I told my friends I would see them later and followed your footsteps toward the roof of the school, quietly opening the door I peeked outside and saw you there eyes closed leaning on the wall as you let the wind caress your soft skin. I walked closer until I sat myself right beside you, opening your eyes you glanced at me then closed your eyes again you ignored me the whole lunch only opening your eyes to check the time. Then you left leaving me there with the uneaten apple on the ground beside me.

October, fall

It became a habit you bought your apple then I followed you up to the roof sitting beside you in the silence. Without a word I sat there like I have for the past month I don't know what really possessed me to follow you up there but I always found my feet following behind you. It's been a month since you unofficially entered my life why unofficially because you've never spoken a word to me I tried but always found myself speaking to myself. So I stopped trying to talk to you and tried to just enjoy your mere presence.

November, fall

"Why are you here?" snapping my head up in shock I couldn't believe you finally talked to me after all this time

"Why does it bother you? I hesitantly looked into your beautiful eyes beginning to fiddle with my hands when you stared at me intently those blinking eyes seeming to be looking into my soul

"You didn't answer my question" you asked

"I..well" I gulped taking in a breath I was so nervous so used to the silence "I want to be friends" I quickly said closing my eyes in fear you would get angry, but the only thing I heard was a sigh then some shuffling opening my eyes to peer up at you.

"I don't want or need any friends" you walked away didn't look at me my heart fell as the door closed behind you

One step forward but two steps back

December, winter

"We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year' I snapped my hand on the stupid radio that had begun to annoy me I liked Christmas don't get me wrong but having to hear those songs every year constantly drove me mad. I was grumpy nothing was going the way I wanted it to. Now that it had begun to snow you couldn't sit outside in the snow anymore, so I searched for you every lunch but it seemed like you vanished each time until I saw you the next period. You started becoming an obsession I just wanted to talk to you again, my friends, oh they hated you. They thought I have changed since you showed up but they just didn't understand.

"Kiddo your shift is over get out" Suho my boss smiled I nodded taking my apron off, going to the back to get my things I walked out the door the cold December winter air welcoming me. Scarf tightly wrapped around my neck I walked closer and closer to my house when someone lightly bumped into me

"I'm so-" You stopped apologizing as your eyes met mine you quickly stepped aside to keep on walking. In your hurry to get away you almost fell on your face I quickly wrapped my arms around your waist pulling you close to my chest. You didn't immediately push me away, no it seemed like you moved closer as I wrapped my arms around you. I enjoyed it while it lasted until you pushed me away without sparing me a glance

What I didn't know is that you walked away that day with tears streaming down that beautiful face of yours.

January, winter

An old year has passed another has begun and I still haven't made any progress with you. I ask myself each day if I'm that unlikable but refuse to contemplate that idea since we didn't know each other enough.

"ing did you on some today" I heard someone sneer as I made my way into the bathroom, making my way inside I saw red there you were with your back against the wall fist clenched to your side as three guys surrounded you

"What can't the little talk" I saw another say

"Yea he asked you a question" the third one finally said poking his dirty finger to your chest "Did you some today you little " He growled

"What do you guys want me to on yours?" You looked up at them smiling which set them off, but before they could touch you I stepped in how could I not.

"Don't you ing lay a dirty hand on him" I sneered walked up in front of you I crossed my arms staring daggers at them challenging them to disobey my orders

"ing we’ll get you" When those words came out of his mouth I snapped my resolve crumbling

"If you ing touch him I’ll found out and don't hesitate to think you won't be buried 6 feet under this ground, you hear me" My hand tighten on his shirt "I said do you ing understand" I growled when he nodded and scurried off with his friends I turned to see you looking at me intently.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I can't let them touch somebody I care about" I said letting it slip

"How can you care when we do-" You took a breath "Don't know each other, were nothing"

"Yea were not, do you want to know why that is.”

"Why?" You said in a little voice

"Because you don't allow me to care or get to know you" I answered you nodded staring up at me for a few more seconds before walking to the door but not before turning back to me

"If you care for me you'll end up getting hurt"

"I'm willing to take that risk" I replied your eyes widened in surprise before you nodded pursing your lips and walked out that door

February, winter

Exams were finally over; only for the new semester to begin but none of that fazes me what does is the thought of not being in any of your classes. Luckily we have one period together second period, I get to see you and again I try to talk to you surprised when you begin to start a conversation. It makes me so happy when I see a small twitch of your lips. It brings hope to me that you will finally open up to me.

"Sehun" I love the way my name comes out of your lips it so pleasant your soft voice makes me melt

"Yes"

"The teacher asked you a question" you lightly chuckle as the teacher glares while I stammer to answer. When the teacher is finally satisfied with my answer he turns back to the chalkboard. While I turn to glare at you. 

"What I didn't tell you to space out" you look so innocent but then you break out into a small smile

"I'll let this one go hyung" I stuck my tongue out at you

March, spring

"Luhan hyung I like you" I confessed to you one day when you came over to my house. Everything between us was going so well you opened up to me and my feelings have always been there, I just couldn't contain them anymore.

"I...Sehunnie" A blush made its way to my cheeks just by hearing the nickname you gave me

"Please hyung give me a chance" I pleaded taking a hold of your hands

"Fine but all you get is one chance" you said as I wrapped my arms around you so happy that you accepted my feelings

What I didn't notice was the tear that slipped out and those sad eyes that contained so many secrets

April, spring

My birthday was coming it was on the weekend I know you knew but was still surprised when you showed up at my house long sleeved shirt and jeans with a birthday gift in hand

"Happy birthday Sehunnie" You smiled

"Thank you baby deer" I leaned in for a kiss "All I need for my birthday is you" I kissed you again this time with my hands cupping your cheeks

"You’re so cheesy" You teased me scrunching up your cute button nose

May, spring

"Luhan what are those?" you stiffened  I couldn't believe I've never noticed them. I wanted to throw up my wide eyes looked up from your arms to your face that was now pale, your eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

"Nothing" you quickly pushed me away rolling your sleeves back down

"WHY, WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME" I raised my voice at you for the first time ever

"You weren't supposed to find out" You shrank away from me as I moved closer

"How do you expect me to react when it's only now I find out your hurting yourself" I couldn't help it as tears began to stream down my face why I questioned myself, why I never noticed.

"Is that why you always wear long sleeves?" I questioned receiving a nod in response how could I have been so stupid to believe your excuse that you have a low tolerance for cold weather. 

"I told you, you would only get hurt being with me, you’re the one who took the risk" You cried out wiping tears that fell down your face

"I never knew Lu I could help you baby" I walked toward you as you moved back

"No you can't this relationship ends here" You tried walking away but I stopped you

"Please don't say that I will be here for you"

"I'm sorry Sehun but I'm broken I have no reason to live" you wiped your tears "you just made it bearable I'm sorry" you ran so fast out my house you wouldn't answer my calls or texts and you never told me where you lived. You never told me anything I didn't know you as much as I thought I did. I cried that night cried until I was too tired to cry any longer. The next day I was broken you didn't show up I became desperate to find you I needed to know you were safe

But as weeks went by I never did find you

June, summer

"Sehun take me" was the first thing you said ever since I have last seen you in the past three weeks. You were drunk as you stumbled into my house you looked so tired, so worn out. I thanked everything, that it was a Friday and my parents were gone for their anniversary. Bringing you to my bedroom I laid you on my bed

"Please take me Sehun I love you" You said before grabbing the back of my neck for a kiss. I know it was wrong and you were vulnerable at the moment, but I just couldn’t help myself I just missed you so much and I couldn’t help but to pour all those feelings into one kiss. A kiss that I poured all my feelings, to a kiss that was the most pure and innocent of kisses no tongue just our lips touching was all it needed it to be passionate.

“I love you” I murmured into your ear pulling you into a tight hug. My eyes welled up in tears moving away I cupped your cheeks

“Please…” choking on a sob I continued “Please don’t ever leave me again hyung I was so worried about you” grabbing a hold of my hand you kissed my palm then kissed the tips of my fingers.

“I won’t I promise” You smiled up at me

“Pinky Promise” I questioned you while holding out said hand chuckling you brought your hand up intertwining our pinky’s together

“I promise” you hesitated before continuing “ I stopped…you know cutting when I first met you…..I…..like I said before you made it bearable to live….you brought happiness back into my life where all there was, was bitterness” tears streamed down your face

“What you saw were scars, scars that I’m not proud off, but I won’t deny made me feel better when I had problems they helped me bear with everything that was going wrong with my life. It might not have been the best option, but I can’t change the fact that those scars hold so many memories that I wish I could just erase” cupping my face your thumbs traced my lips leaning forward you kissed me lightly.

“I want to try…..try and be happy with you Sehun……for once I want to smile and be content with my life……I promise I will tell you one day not because you want to know, but because you deserve to know every last bit of the truth. I can’t promise you will be happy with what I have to say, but I can only hope that you will understand” You lightly kissed me again leaning back I stared into those eyes that I loved so much, those eyes that screamed purity and innocence I loved them, I loved you for everything that you were at that moment past or present it was still you the Luhan that I had grown to love since that first day I saw you sitting on the swing.

“I love you so much hyung I will be here for you through thick and thin, you can’t get away from me now, not now, not ever” I smiled grabbing the back of your neck crashing our lips together.

July, summer

A year has passed, a year since I met you and I couldn’t be happier with the way things are going between us. I watched as you swung on the swing a wide smile plastered on your face. I was happy because your scares were fading along with the memories that once held so much meaning to them. When you told what you had been through I couldn’t help, but feel angry with what you had been through. I was more than happy to give you a reason to smile again, because you’re my reason for smiling you’re the reason why I wake up in the morning ready to start a new day. I would have never thought that in a year so many things would change, that I would fall in love with such a beautiful person like you.

“Sehunnie let’s go get some ice cream” you eagerly smiled tugging me off the bench I once occupied. Letting go you ran ahead your newly dyed blond hair bouncing with each step.

“Come on Sehunnie” You cutely pouted chuckling I ran up to you lifting you up over my shoulder

“Sehun” you squealed wrapping your legs around my waist, arms around my neck you leaned forward lightly tracing your lips with mine then placed a small kiss on them before leaning back.

“I may not be completely healed, but I don’t feel broken anymore” you kissed me again “Even though I may feel lonely sometimes, it changes as soon as I see your face. I love you so much, however long this relationship last I will cherish every last moment. You make me feel complete, loved and cherished something I have never felt before.” Tears streamed down your face; wiping them away, moving your bangs away from your eyes I kissed you.

“Even though this may sound cheesy, I love you too and I will always be here for you” laying my forehead against yours, I closed my eyes and savored the moment where all that seemed to be around us was just you and I.

I couldn’t help but thank god for the day I first saw you, you made me feel complete and I wouldn’t want to have seen anyone else on that swing, on that one hot July summer day.