How should I put this..

 

I don't think that I Iove you anymore..

 

But..

 

Why did it pains me there whenever I recalled of those moments?

 

That moment..

 

Where I remembered being advised by you to take care of myself..

 

That moment..

 

When you picked up my phone and willingly answered it to talk off the old hag that had been disturbing me..

 

That moment..

 

When you threw a birthday surprise together with some others, making me thought that I won't be receiving anything from you.. but, in the end, you gave me two packs of chocolates tied with a ribbon..

 

And when I fed you a bite of the cake.. that was my first time ever feeding a young guy, you know?

 

That moment..

 

When you gave me a ride home after the small occassion at your house.. 

 

Eventhough it was them who asked you to do so, but it made me a little bit happy; to be honest, really happy. It was also my first time riding with a young guy but with you, I can't even doubt you in the slightest.. 

 

You made me feel warmness.

 

But.. 

 

Some other moments, I felt shredded.

 

When I remembered the day you were smiling happily after you and her officiated the relationship..

 

When you looked at her with eyes so lovingly..

 

When you talked to her with sweet and gentle words, on which you never sounded so to others..

 

And when you and her walked ahead of us, hand in hand.. the world didn't seem to move for you..

 

There's only you and her.

 

The world of only you and her.

 

And I was outcasted.

 

A barrier between me and you.

 

Are you happy?

 

I promised myself to be happy if you're happy..

 

But why am I still feeling like this?

 

Why was my tears still shedding whenever I read anything related to unrequited love and was immediately reminded of you?

 

Why did my heart clenched whenever I see you with another girl?

 

And why did I'm still questioning all of these now? After all these years, why?

 

For once, I really wanted to tell you everything that I've been keeping..

 

For once, I really wanted to ask you to be mine..

 

For once, I really wanted to slap you hard on your face and plead you to look at me..

 

Look only at me..

 

For once, look at me.

 

But then, I look at myself and smiled.

 

And know it is a no.

 

 

Deng! Wrong answer.

 

I'm afraid..

 

Afraid of rejection and dejection..

 

Call me a coward. 

 

Cowardly looking at you..

 

Cowardly remembering you..

 

Cowardly liking you..

(Hah, and I'm still that coward admitting to love)

 

Time flies, time heals..

 

I don't ask for much..

 

I just want this wound to get concealed and this feeling to fade..

 

Because it's hard and it hurts; it pains too much..

 

Please, let me go..

 

Please, fade out.