Chapter 14: I really enjoyed these two updates. They are much better! ^w^ I like how you developed Kris and Lay more. I feel like I really understand Kris and Lay a lot better. :3 However, the last update seems to repeat itself so I skipped over it. :O Did you post the chapter twice accidentally?
Chapter 11: **the oc character, tbh, she's pretty generic .. pretty, talented, rich, nice, friendly and tough yet girly .. the oc character is usually where the writer can do the most twists and turns .. you can still do that since it looks a lot like you're planning to make this really long
**as for the exo members, they kind of have too much exposure.. if they're not the main they dont have to be in every single chapter, since kai and ginny are already together you can spend a whole chaptee woth just the two of them .. you know what i mean?
but all in all, well done for your first time.. i hope i didnt sound too harsh or go overboard with my critique
Chapter 11: and now the storyline:
**plotline's very interesting tho you couldve made the summary a little more intense. your summary is like your opening paragraph in your essay. first impression is always a huge factor in writing, readers would usually depend their opnion on your story based on your foreword .. yours is okay tho like i've already mentioned, quite redundant .. how may times have you used the word "band"?
**the plot line is good, i alreadt told you how it sounds interesting when yoh first told me about it but good plotlines can be ruined by bad choice of writing styles etc as for yours, you said you were aiming for rom-com yeah? so far, the fluff is there .. the tension between kai and ginny was already established but tbh, the comedy part is not quite there.. yeol is a very comical character you can use him . so as luhan since you portrayed him as a very bubbly person. you can use kai's jealousy. you have tons of wiggle room to work around (:
**the descriptions i.e. setting, characterization etc .. it's kind of lacking .. make the descriptions longer .. describe the weather, the place etc heck you can describe the ceiling if you like .. make the reader feel that they're in your au .. help them picture what's going on the story .. feelings and stuff are hard to describe since you can only use so much adjectives so i suggest start with the setting first .. your dialogues are kind of overshadowing the whole sense of the story.. try and tone that down .. or insert some paragraphs in between
**towards the end, the story was starting to feel kind of rushed, i thoughf it was because of the lack of descriptions idk but the first part felt kind of dragging the middle part was okay but then it started feeling a little rushed idk how you can really fix that but i know you'll figure it out at some point (:
Chapter 11: okay so starting with the technical stuff:
**bold isnt really the best choice, basic font and stuff is the most generic way fo go but you can still play around with the fonts if you like just not the formatting since those are pretty much for other things such as **the main character, or whoever pov you're writing .. for inner thoughts and stuff, i suggest not quoting them but just italicize them **also the dialogues, space them our coz it's kind of confusing when you mush them in one whole paragraph like that. it's okay to keep the description and the dialogues together but never put two characters' dialogues in one parapgraph it'll look very hectic and it usually ruins the mood **punctuation placement is also important, a coma could change the emotion of a whole sentence. also i noticed you kind of used a lot of exclmation points, you might wanna tone that down a little bit. **as for your grammar, it's above average tho you sometimes miss some tenses and stufg but it's a common mistake. it's a good thing you chose past tense tho. present tense is very complicated and very limited **tho some parts are redundant, try to use some word play or just vary the words you use and try not to be repetitive, you can google synonyms and stuff .. i do that a lot lol **also in the first few chapts, you can just merge them coz some of them are pretty short to be a chapter
Chapter 11: I agree with what jenntheninja said and another tip would be to unbold the font and make the font a bit bigger. (: And also space out the dialogue a bit more. Other than that, the story is really good! :D I cried for Kris because I totally know those feels TT^TT
Okie dokie! One tip that I would like to give you right off the bat: do not give away what happens in your story. Based off of your summary, I can already tell what's going to happen and some readers don't like that. Instead, use a powerful quote or a general, but unique and interesting summary :) I suggest checking out the summaries of the stories that I've posted for examples ^^
Chapter 2: It's really off to a great start! (: I couldn't help but laugh when Kris was like "aye yo" XD I just immediately thought "aye yo, waddup Krease?" haha~ and that Kai smirk omfg it kills me!
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