For the 15 millionth time, just because I'm alive right now does not me I haven't tried to commit suicide. All I hear is people saying "If you really wanted to commit suicide you would've done it by now." But I've tried...SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many times. Just because it didn't work doesn't mean I'm here looking for attention especially this kind of attention. And I only posted it on here cause, yes, I did think there was a chance and maybe someone can give me help but it's usually either things I've already tried that obviously didn't work or just the same stuff people always tell me. And the suicide hotline...? Pft please. I've called there like 16 times. It . I've been hung up on, told to call back later, or they just simply never answered the phone. And when they do answer the phone they don't really help. It's just another person sitting on the other side of the phone, nodding and agreeing to everything I say. Once, a lady even told me that my life really bad and never helped me try to fix it. She just said that's how things are sometimes. Like wtf is that. So obviously, as you can see, I'm not meant to be here. A lot of people just are really ed up about it and just make it a thousand times worse. Just ignore it then. Y'all ain't say this when Jonghyun died. And I bet if you could've talked to him one on one and he came to you everyday for years saying he wanted to kill himself, you wouldn't have a single problem with it. It's always "Oh they're happy and they're in a better place now" when it's an idol but when it's some regular person then it's "Stop looking for attention!" or "You're gonna go straight to hell." Honestly, can hell be any worse than this? And none of you can really answer unless you've been there. I just don't wanna feel anything anymore. I will never accomplish anything just like I never have. I'm just a waste of oxygen. A waste of space. I don't need attention from people I don't know cause all that's gonna happen is y'all blowing up my phone which at some point gets really annoying. So yeah, thanks for caring (the ones that did). And to the ones who don't, don't comment just leave cause you're gonna end up killing me sooner if you don't.