This is the one place I can be real and honest without feeling burndensome or watched by family members.

I have so much messed up thoughts and I am so depressed that I am so tired, it is unbearable feeling, I hate this feeling.

How do you tell someone you don't want to live?!

Or that you feel like you are worth more dead than alive!

Or that the pain is too much to handle but you are more worried about being someones burden.

I am so tired of fighting and trying to believe that things will get better, it never will be and I am left to rot alone.

I hate myself more than anyone else around me and sometimes I wish I could just give into those dark thoughts and hurt myself again. Cuz that was the only thing that kept me sane and the only thing that wouldn't in some odd ironically way hurt me.

My anxiety cripples me to my bed and I feel a sense of hoplessness. I can't or more like don't want to get out and do things, eventhough I should want to.

I am so far from gone and I feel like I am suffocating but no one understands. Not even the one person I thought I could trust but I should have expect it cuz she isn't depressed, suicidal, and self-harm. She is happy and has a close family, she isn't as ed up as I am and I envy her for it. But I would never wish for her to understand my pain cuz it is something that is so vile and sinister, how could I ever wish for her to go through it.

I hate myself and I can never imagine anything good for myself. I want to keep beliving that things will get better but for me... I can't really tell anymore.

Deep down I don't want to give up cuz I have so much to prove and give. I want to live for myself but I don't know how to do that. I want to try but I am always discouraged and it isn't fair. For now I will keep trying to sirvive even when the currents are to strong, I will carry on.

But this emptiness inside is hard to get rid of and I am scared. I am lost and I don't know how to find my way back.