The next few days passed by the same, and I noticed that Junho had somehow become the center of my universe in that little time. Every day I woke up, the first thing I thought about was his warm smile, and at bed, the last thing I remembered where those blue eyes. One night, I woke from another bad dream to a warm body climbing in my bed and cuddling next to me. I looked down at Junho’s face that was resting comfortably on my chest and his eyes suddenly opened, he stared at me for a long time, snuggling into my chest and digging his chin in my body in such a loving way that I couldn’t even say it felt uncomfortable. After a while, I just let my head rest on the pillow and tried to go back to sleep, but I could tell he was still watching me. I felt those blue eyes watching over me in the dark.

   When I woke up the next morning, I was completely alone.

   My reflexes pushed me out of bed and without so much as even grabbing a pair of pants, I was rushing down the stairs to check all the rooms of the house. “Junho?” I called out when the bottom floor came up empty and then went up to the bathroom, it was also empty. My pulse quickened, my senses went on ultra alertness as fear began to take over all the peace of mind I had gained by having Junho in my life for the last week. I pushed open his bedroom door and felt like I could sob right in the doorway, upon seeing an empty room, the curtain hanging on the window dancing in the light morning breeze.

   Before I could think, I was downstairs and out the door, yelling at the top of my lungs.

   “Junho?!”

   I could feel the wet dew mixing with the dirty leaves under my bare feet but could care less. I gripped my hair, my chest, feeling every heartbeat suddenly painful enough to make the corners of my eyes glisten. My breath huffed in front of me in a fog as I looked around frantically. My only hope being that I didn’t have to deal with this again, that I didn’t have to feel this feeling. Not again. “Junho please.” I murmured into the empty air, already feeling lost.

   “You’re awake~” A soft voice cheered to me from above and I spun around, finding Junho perched on the roof of the house, hugging his knees to his chest. He was wrapped in a blanket and smiling softly, but that smile faded when he saw how distraught I was. “Are you not well?” The fear that masked his facial features was endearing, genuine concern.

   All I could do was revel in the feeling of relief.

   “Junho,” My voice cracked a little and I looked down, suddenly feeling quite silly with myself, standing in the front yard in just my boxers. I looked back at him, ruffling my bed hair. “What are you doing up there?”

   He looked me over before turning and pointing to the horizon, just over the edge of the trees. “I watched the sun rise over the ocean . . . it was beautiful.” Junho looked at me. “I enjoyed it a great deal.”

   I couldn’t see the sight he was talking about from on the ground, but I was sure that it was beautiful. However, nothing would ever be as beautiful as the way Junho seemed to find enjoyment and happiness in such little things, like the sunrise. To him, they weren’t little.

   “Just stay right there . . . I’ll come up and get you.”

   “I do not require assistance, though.”

   “I’m coming to get you.” I said a bit more sternly than I intended to. I walked up to his room and leaned out the window, seeing him sitting on the roof, near the edge. “You shouldn’t be up here, it’s dangerous”

   Junho stood up and walked the distance over to the window and crouched down with an amused smile. “I appreciate your concern, however–” Before he could finish, I reached out to grab him, clutching him to my chest and pulling him inside the house. Junho looked up at me when I set him back on his feet, our bare toes touching and chests pressed together so close I was sure he could feel my heartbeat. Feeling his silent breath on my chin, I gave into my impulses and claimed those lips.

   The kiss was just as beautiful as the last, if not more. When I parted my lips, he mimicked the motion and our tongues tenderly danced in a gentle game of passion. His fingertips dug into my upper arms and I held him by his waist closely in a hope that this would never end. Forever was not long enough, so the short half minute we spent connected to each other nowhere near enough to sate me. But when we parted lips, I grabbed his cheeks and kissed his forehead.

“Aren’t we going to work today?” Junho questioned, sipping on a box of strawberry milk while I looked in the fridge for something to make for breakfast. He had a particular appetite, no meat whatsoever and very few vegetables and nothing spicy – I tried giving him kimchi once and he choked all over the table. He loved fruit and rice though, and pretty much anything sweet.

   “Today’s my off day,” I closed the refrigerator door with a sigh after my search turned up empty. “But I have to go into town to get groceries. Would you care to join me?”

   Junho nodded, too enthralled with the milk to stop drinking it even for a moment. When the box was empty, he his lips and then held the container out to me. “Can we get more of this?”

   I chuckled. “Yeah.” I took the empty milk box and tossed it in the trash, motioning for him to follow me upstairs.

   Since I couldn’t have him walking around town in my baggy clothes, or my old ragged ones from high school, I went up to the attic and pulled down a cardboard box that I thought I’d locked away and would never use again. I set the box down on the floor of Junho’s room and wiped the dust off as Junho stood beside me, looking curiously. “You wear about a medium, so these should fit you . . . you can wear anything in this box that you’d like. There are some shoes too, they’ll probably fit better than mine.”

   Junho picked up the shirt that was lying on top of the pile and then nodded.

   I left, shutting the door behind me and taking a deep breath. Heading to my own bedroom I passed by that old picture that hung on the wall for years, haunting me up until now. I had half a mind to take it down as I looked at it but a cold nostalgia crept over me and I left it, retreating into my room to throw on some jeans and a t-shirt. I pulled on a flannel shirt and rolled the sleeves up before slipping my baseball cap on and grabbing my wallet and keys off the bedside table.

   As I made it to the stairs, Junho opened the door to his room and stepped out.

   I stopped on the top step to look at him and strong emotions welled up inside of me as I looked over the rugged jeans that actually fit him, and the old black t-shirt that had been washed so many times the silk screen was starting to fade. My eyes lingered on the picture as memories seemed to attack me from all angles.

I sat down on the bed with a sigh, feeling the exhaustion from the day aching my body as I wormed my way out of my clothes and shut my eyes. A soft warmth was suddenly on top of me and when I opened my eyes, I smiled at the face hovering above me, just inches from mine. He wore only a black t-shirt that hugged his shoulders in just the right way and a pair of boxer-briefs.

   “Can we talk?” He asked, and when I nodded, his eyes sparkled with a glimmer of hope and adoration. Things that, over the past months, had seemed to be fading completely from him. He let his weight fall on me and I held him close to my chest. “I think we should go away somewhere, just you and me.”

   I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

   “Let’s leave this place, Khunnie.” I could feel his fingers trailing up my chest as he mumbled softly. “We could go to Daegu, or even Seoul . . . Maybe out of the country – could you imagine us being in California? I heard LA was a great place for couples like us. Let’s run away . . .” His voice dropped lower, to almost a whisper. “I hate it here.”

   When he looked back at me, I wanted so desperately to be able to tell him ‘yes’. I wanted to be strong enough, to hold his hand and take him wherever he wanted, give him all the things he could ever ask for. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. He knew the look in my eyes and sat up, looking down sadly, all that hope was once again gone.

   “Babe . . .” I started to say but he shook his head and climbed off of my lap.

   “I know.” His broken voice murmured and I reached out to clutch his shirt, trying to pull him back to me.

   “What would I do in a big city like that . . .?” I explained regretfully, no longer sure if I was trying to convince him, or myself. “I’m not meant for that.”

   “I said I know.” He pulled away from me and slid off the bed.

   I watched as he grabbed a pair of pants from the dresser and pulled them up his legs. “Where are you going?” I tried not to sound as panicked as I was, but it was hard, watching him pull off his shirt and replace it with a clean one, tossing the old one on the floor next to the bed.

   He sighed. “I’m going to get a drink, Nichkhun . . . Get some sleep.”

   “You shouldn’t drink when you’re unhappy,” I said as he looked around for his jacket, rushing to the door once he did. “You’ll end up just like him.”

   He stopped at the door. “It’s the only thing I have.” He murmured before walking away, I heard his quiet footsteps down the stairs and the sound of the front door shutting was like the seal that made his painful words a reality to me. As hard as I tried, as much as I wanted to make him see that he had me, he just couldn't.

   I leaned over the edge of the bed and picked up his shirt, clutching it to my chest as I curled up under the sheets and cried silently to myself.