I awoke to the feel of a heavy arm slug over my waist, like it was holding me there, and smiled instantly. Even though I hadn’t yet opened my eyes, I could see the light of the cold morning making its way through the closed curtains, bidding a good morning to those who were welcoming it. When my eyelids finally creaked open slowly, the first thing I saw was all I really had eyes for anymore.

   I could watch Junho’s sleeping face for hours, and more often than not, I did.

   My hand cupped his cheek, rubbing my thumb over the taut skin that was cold from being exposed to the chilly winter air overnight and leaning forward to kiss his forehead.

   Three weeks. That was how long it had been since he said it, and since then he hadn’t uttered those words again.

   I tried not to let it bother me. I tried to hide from him just how much I wanted him to say it again, and again, and over like clockwork. It was selfish and foolish, immature, I knew it but I wanted it. I wanted it like I wanted him; always.

   Junho held onto me in his sleep and buried his face in my chest with a tired croak of disapproval at being woken up by my teasing lips on his neck and soft fingers padding down his back. A warm hand landed on my cheek and I looked him in his sleepy eyes that were filled with a fleeting daze as he woke up.

   “Khunnie~” His smile was the world to me.

   “Morning beautiful.” I said and immediately, his soft face nestled against my shirt and he hid himself in my chest while he blushed like mad. I felt and heard an unintelligible mumble and my eyebrow rose in amusement. “What was that?”

   Junho lifted his head and looked at me with groggy but childlike eye smile that mimicked perfectly the sun peeking its way over the horizon to brighten my day. “I’m hungry.” I smiled since I could clearly hear him this time while my thumb took to tracing a soft line across the top of his chin, in that tiny little dimple under his bottom lip. 

   “What do you want to eat?” I said. “I’ll cook whatever you want.”

   “Oatmeal!” He cheered and I couldn’t help the laugh that fell from my mouth in a nearly silent huff. My lips curved into a sweet smile and I shook my head softly, running a hand through my hair – it was getting too long but I cared not to cut it.

   “I offer you anything you want to eat, and you ask for instant cereal?”

   Junho simply nodded into the pillow he was now clinging to and for some odd reason that was perfectly fine with me.

   Pushing myself out of bed, I shivered at the freezing cold floorboards under my feet as I made my way down the hall and to the staircase. The creaking of floorboards behind me alerted me of my follower, but I didn’t bother glancing back at Junho as we went to the kitchen and I the kettle on the stove before going to make my morning coffee.

   “Baby’s hungry~” Junho said and I looked down at my feet to see our kitten pawing at the part of my pajama bottoms that was dragging on the floor.

   “You still haven’t named her?”

   I put the can of coffee back in the freezer after scooping way too much into the paper filter and then pressed the ‘on’ button before reaching down and lifting the small animal up with one hand, continuing my morning routine around the kitchen.

   “I don’t know . . . I like calling her ‘baby’ . . .” Junho put his chin in his hand and stared out the kitchen window, where tiny snowflakes fell across the already white yard.

   “What about Ggomaengi?” I asked as I reached my kitten free hand into the bag of cat chow and grabbed a handful, dropping it in the dish by the fridge and letting the feline down to have its meal in peace. When I crossed my arms and looked back at Junho, seemed to be deep in thought. I took the time to study his face, though I didn’t have to. By now, I knew by heart the way the bridge of his nose came down into a soft rounded tip. His full lips–the bottom one just slightly bigger than the top. His perfect almond eyes that liked to disappear every time he smiled, like right now, he looked at me and nodded.

   “I like it!”

   I just stared at him, loving every part of him and wondering when I would ever get the guts to say it out loud.

 “Can I ask you something . . . and would you answer honestly?” Junho looked up from where he sat, cross legged while reading a book, when I suddenly asked. He wore my glasses, even though they were too big for him and they drooped a little down his nose, matching perfectly the old shirt of mine that he wore, the sleeves he had to roll up to his elbows and it looked more like a dress than a shirt, covering his bare thighs and leaving little to my vivid imagination.

   He suddenly smiled, as if teasing me with how silly of a question that was. “I can think of no reason to lie.”

   My eyes wandered away from him, around the room we were sitting in as I wondered how best to say what I wanted to. What did I even want? I my dry lips. “It’s about you . . .” I glanced at him, and only when he didn’t seem like he was opposed to the topic, did I continue. “Before you came here – I was just wondering . . . What were you expecting to find?” And did you find it? I wanted to ask as well, but left it at that, not trusting myself enough to be sure that I wanted to know the answer.

   He pondered the question for some moments, a stoic expression painting his features until he blinked several times and shook his head and I knew then that he wouldn’t be answering me. “A leaf does not expect to fall from a tree . . . it just falls, and no matter what we want before or think about in hindsight; it will fall where it falls . . . So what use is there in expectations?”

   I was left astonished.

   Junho always had a way of twisting my world around, throwing it in the air and letting the pieces scatter and lay where they rest. But I never felt broken afterwards. I never felt like he was leaving me with less than what I had. Maybe that was the beauty of his depth, and the magic of his unrevealed wisdom.

   He cleared his throat and then smiled when I looked at him. “I understand . . . that it is difficult for you to believe me. But, I cannot tell you more than what you are willing to hear . . . what you are ready to hear.” Junho’s soft fingertips trailed down the bridge of my nose and I closed my eyes, listening to him. “Maybe, someday, if you are ready . . . I will be able to show you . . .” I shook my head and smiled at the way his fingers took to running through my hair.

   “. . . Before our time runs out.”

   My eyes flashed open and I frowned at his soft brown eyes, eyes that burned so passionately that seemed to melt with glistening tears. “What do you mean?” I asked and took a step back, looking at him in an entirely new light all of the sudden. “It can’t end.” I whispered but he heard me perfectly.

   “Khunnie~” He smiled his famous sad smile. “Everything ends.”

Gravel crunched under my feet at every step I took towards that house. That house that I hated so much. Just the look of it, the old chipping paint, the broken shutters hanging from the front window, the dull grey color of the weathered wood porch, I hated it all. What I hated most was that I couldn’t get away from it. It was my prison, my fate.

   I was so consumed in my hate that I almost didn’t notice the body curled up on the top porch step until I was half way across the yard, and I ran the rest of the distance, stopping at the sight of the face that looked up at me with swollen eyes that were long out of tears and a bruised cheek.

   “A-Are you okay?” I sat beside him and reached for his hand, half expecting him to cringe away from my touch, like he always did.

   But he didn’t, not this time.

   “I hate him,” His voice cracked a little at his words and I knew immediately who he was speaking of. “I hate him so much it hurts.”

    I pulled my jacked off and wrapped it around his shoulders, letting him lean against me “Did he do this to you?” It was a struggle, keeping my voice calm, stopping myself from shaking with angers. “Tell me.”

   He nodded once, I let out a heavy exhale, clenching my fists but he pulled my hand into his lap and held me closer to him. “I look like my mother . . . I always knew that’s the only reason he kept me around,” There was a fear in his voice, it swelled in his throat and made his breathing come out rugged and difficult. “A-Apparently I’m a worthless , just like her, too . . . So I threw a dish at him – I shouldn’t have done it, I’m so stupid, Khunnie.”

   My arms wrapped around him tightly, and I couldn’t have let go even if I wanted to. “No, you’re not stupid for fighting back. You’re not a , and you’re definitely not worthless, do you hear me?” I pulled his narrow chin up and wiped away the tears that covered his battered skin. “You’re none of those things.” I told him. “You’re beautiful, and you’re smart, you’re kinder than anyone I’ve met . . .”

   He looked up at me and I stared right back at him, his dark brown eyes drooping and sad-like, but it did nothing to take away from his natural grace. “Will the pain ever end?” He whispered, so close to my lips I could feel his breath, I could taste him, almost.

   Our noses brushed when I nodded, murmuring back quietly. “Of course it will,” I pressed my lips against his, pulling back just a little. “Everything ends . . . even pain.”