My birthday that time, well it was extraordinary.

The people closest to my heart prepared this surprise party on my apartment; really it was the first time that I experienced that and for the past 4 horrible years that I am in, this is the first time that I felt so grateful and actually happy.

“Give yourself a chance; no one can pull yourself up but you”

Sun once said that and I’m not sure if it’s because of that or maybe it was because of him.

Is this it?  Am I now slowly healing?

I can still remember a year ago, on my birthday. I wished for something, like maybe He can send something that can make this bad things happening to me, at the least tolerable. I don’t care if it’s a what, how or who? I just need that something.

Then Sun happened

“You got flowers for your birthday huh?”

Chase and my sister didn’t miss that, though. They are the most annoying es in my life but I love them so much.

“Don’t ever say that you bought it because you are the thriftiest person I know”

Chase complained, as my annoying sister agreed.

I can only give them a knowing smile.

I swore to my mother’s grave that I won’t tell anyone about Sun. I am strict on keeping that secret, really.

“Old news, you’re still as secretive as before. Guess that’s your charm out of all the 5 of us sibs”

If there’s someone who knows me too well, even without telling, that’s my sister.

“Whatever it is, I have to give it a credit because you’re doing okay now.”

They both squashed me with a hug

“It’s definitely not because of a guy, I swear you’re allergic to guys and you hate it when a guy manipulates you, so NOPE!”

That was my sister and her crazy antics

 So are you in love with an idol guy again?!?””

Chase, still the craziest

A loud night, we talked, had crazy dance and singing, a heart to heart talk with my dad and finally quite an understanding with my stepmom, there’s tears of course especially when we reminisce my crazy brother and the warmth of my mom, but still that day ended good.

“”Good things happened when you have positive view on all things, maybe not all but at least to some that is on your priority”

Of course, I can’t let that glorious night end without exchanging a few minutes talk with Sun.

“I don’t even know my priorities! “

“Nah, I don’t think so. You have, you just don’t want to acknowledge it because of that nonsense fear of yours”

Bulls eye on that though

Sun can really see through me, I wonder if he has super powers or something.

Maybe that’s it? If he’s not an alien, maybe he’s part of X-men.

“And I don’t think being afraid is your problem--- it’s just that you over think a lot, of bad things that could happen”

Ouch, that really hurts.

“Don’t think, just jump and see what good the world could offer you. If it came out bad, then jump again”

“I’m afraid to get hurt, maybe I love myself too much”

And it’s out. That was the thing really

He sighed, a very deep and exhausted one.

“I know with the situation I am in right now, that I have no right to tell you this but--- don’t be scared to get hurt, pain is what makes us human and eventually you’ll find it as lucky thing”

“Gosh! Are you a poet or maybe a song writer or something? Just a wild guess though”

I need to say that because I’m on the verge of tears. Here I am again, over thinking

So what would I do if this is all over? if one day I come to this balcony and that no matter how long I wait, Sun won’t come out and that I can never hear his words and his voice ever again.

I couldn’t stop my tears, no matter how I tried not to.

And what’s weird is, the way Sun comforted me while I cried so hard --- without him knowing, even just a little bit, that he is the real reason behind my tears.

I hope it’s only because of the amount of beer that I took that day

“Key point about you, something that defines you but won’t easily be a clue to who you really are”

It was after that crying session and now we’re drinking this expensive tasting wine that he left on my doorstep a while ago.

“That’s too hard! You go first”

“Skypiea”

“What the heck was that??”

I asked, really have no idea.

“oh~ here’s the rule, no searching online for it”

“Damn! Okay fine! For me ---  uhmmm ---   BOA”

“Snake?”

“No searching and no question!”

“Fine!”

He exclaimed with that laugh that I got to love so much.  Sun has this low boyish voice but there are times it’s high pitchy when he’s really laughing and it was like he only shares that laugh to me only. Yes, I know I am hallucinating.

“So let’s cheers? CHEERS TO LIFE AND HAPPINESS! “

He’s intoxicated now, I can tell because that’s not his usual action and tone of voice. Sun is calm that I sometimes picture him as a Robot.

Oh he did mention that he already got a couple of glasses of hard drink that night with his friends.

“Hey!  You’re dead drunk. Maybe we can ---“

I am already on my feet and when I was about to push myself up, I felt a hand --- holding mine.

“Can we just see each other now? I can come over if—“

“Sun, we promised---“

I feel the need to interrupt him because if I don’t, I’m scared that I might agree to what he wanted.

“Promises are meant to be broken, we’re not perfect”

I wish he was just drunk.

 HE IS JUST DRUNK.

People lose half of their sanity when their drunk. 

“Please, let’s just not. Let’s stick to what we agreed”

I sounded disappointed, but I don’t know if what is the real reason why am I disappointed

I picture this several times in my head that what if all of a sudden we wanted to finally meet?

Damn with the promises!

But …

I am scared.

My  ‘what ifs’, I just can’t let them go.

What if that MAGIC between us will be all gone once we meet?

I wanted to keep that MAGIC forever with me, we both felt that. I knew that he does too.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that. I’m maybe just drunk --- I’m really sorry, Moon”

“Its okay – let’s just take a rest now”

I told him reassuringly as I pressed my hands deeper from holding on, to his.

Sun didn’t let go of my hand right away, he keep on holding it for I don’t know how long.

He’s somewhat acting strange that night, I don’t know—it’s like he wants to tell me something but just couldn’t. I mentioned it before, we have this exceptional connection—we are often aware of how we are feeling and what we think, and it’s maybe because we don’t see each other eye to eye or personally, I believe it’s that. When you can’t see someone, you automatically will try to learn things about the other person in another way that is possible.

I can feel he’s being too emotional that night; maybe too it was because of the alcohol because I am feeling the same say--- Yes, I did cry that night, not an ordinary tears cause it came rushing and without warning out of my eyes and even fell on the his hands that can’t seem to let go of mine, and even held it tight when he felt my tears.

I just couldn’t hold it back, it’s like my too control freak brain told me to cry because my heart is being a jerk.

We stayed like that for quite a few minutes before he finally let go of my hand

I didn’t wait for him to say another word; I just run inside my place, close the veranda door and cried again. We knew, we felt it --- that if we both stayed there, something may happen that we sure will both regret for the rest of our lives.

WE PROMISED TO STAY AS STRANGERS.

I cried so hard that night, like as if it was 3 years ago again, after I lost my brother.

The next morning, I just found myself on the floor; my body and my eyes ache so much.

Then I heard the doorbell rang, I slowly got up to check who it is

On the doorstep, there’s a box with a letter attached on it.

It was a GOODBYE LETTER.

From Sun