“Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right”

“What’s with that song?”

Chase, oh Chase with that question again

“You know much I love The Beatles, c’mon”

I was busy on the kitchen since morning that day, that’s what I do usually whenever I am on leave for work. Cleaning is just something I do to get busy

Sun is out. I mean he’s somewhere, I think. Of course he didn’t tell but it’s been a week since we last had a balcony sesh and the night after that, he was playing his piano nonstop for several hours.

We didn’t have to ask each other, we off the hook knew that something is up with us.

He does that when he’s into a bad situation, while I do kdrama and listens and sings to music nonstop and both of us never dared to interrupt when we’re having that moment.

Chase is different though, she’ll bug the hell out me and I got to love it when she does that.

“Yes but minus being defensive”

I didn’t answered and boldly change the topic

“So how’s the guy you’ve been chatting on IG?”

The name is Daniel and he’s a complete stranger, but Chase chats with him like forever. I mean that guy is sort of a ‘Sun’ to Chase, only social media is scary.

She smiled, that ear to ear smile and it shows how happy she is.

“You seemed happy, Chase”

“You too Ees, You’re getting there girl”

We had quite a talk that night, Chase and her fangirl life. She’s into this group that is so popular right now, exceedingly famous that I couldn’t catch up and Chase is somehow weeping too because those boys have to have their hiatus in an unknown cause.  

I am on hiatus too, on being a fan.

I do miss the fangirl activities, be on social media for hours and chip in on trending hash tags for the boys, buy passes on online music charts, pre-order merchs and eventually lose all my savings to buy everything the group could offer, go VIP for concerts, attend fan meeting, meet other fans who also became friends and certainly that feeling of hopelessness, I guess you’re not truly a fan if you don’t feel that.

That kind when you dream this impossible dream of actually being the girl that your bias likes when in reality, that can NEVER happen.

“But who am I kidding to even think that you might see me
It's in the stars that girls like me
And boys like you were never meant to be”

Because in real life, a fan will always be just a fan

Those gorgeous guys that you adore so much are most probably meant to those pretty girls who are in the same page as them.

REALITY BITES.
 

Being a fangirl is a roller coaster ride, it’s scary and heartbreaking but you’re always willing to do it over and over again

I can still recall that online friend of mine once says

“That’s the thrill of it all, the excitement you feel when you fantasize that that popular guy who are loved by gazillion of girls all over the world, can somehow fall in love with you in the end”

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

And that same fantasy had caused me to have high standard in guys and now I’m getting old and no guy is enough for me. 

“How’s the person living next door, anyway?”

We’re now watching Netflix, Korean movie actually about a serial killer. Maybe Chase sort of connected that to the hearsay going around the building that the person next door is a murderer.

“If he is, I may be the first one to die here, but I’m not so --- definitely not a serial killer”

If only Chase knows how that person next door is keeping me up alive

“The gossip woman downstairs told me that it’s a super rich young guy with bodyguards and that every time he has to go down to basement and go outside, those guys in black suit have to clear the area first”

Well, I didn’t know that. All I know is that guy who never get tired of playing with my dogs and make me feel okay  on times that I’m going through a lot, that same guy who often leave foods and other things to my doorstep to comfort me and vigorously listening to my frustrations in life and be there when I needed to cry.

I just shrugged and pretend to never care and just continue watching

Then all of a sudden, a loud noise was heard next door.

Sun is home, at last.