Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Mijoo had never paid much mind to the sound of the clock in her room before, but now in the dark, unable to sleep, it was driving her crazy. Hyunjin had told her after Seungmin had left earlier that he wouldn’t be giving her any more sedatives to sleep. She was discovering she didn’t like that decision. Sleep evaded her and left her to stare at her ceiling in the dark, only her thoughts to keep her company. Mijoo carefully reached over for her phone, which was plugged in on the table next to her, and looked at the time. “1:24 AM” shone back at her.

She spotted a few unread text messages from Nayeon, “Hey are you up for a shopping trip tomorrow after class?”, “Hey is everything alright you didn’t show up for class today,” “Your cousin called and told me you were sick, hope you feel better soon. Let me know if you want me to bring soup.” Mijoo set down her phone and left out a quiet sigh. How was she going to keep the truth from her best friend? Was she putting her best friend in danger by being around her? Mijoo frowned. She decided she didn’t want to think about it right then, and closed her eyes to try and go back to sleep.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Mijoo let out a louder sigh as she opened her eyes; it was hopeless. Sitting up gingerly, Mijoo began testing her movements, extending and stretching her arms, carefully moving her legs. Slowly, she slid her legs out from under her covers and over the side of the bed, wincing at every shot of pain. Sitting on the edge of her bed she slowly reached over and her bedside light, gasping for a moment as it pulled at a wound on her side. She stayed there for a moment, breathing deeply trying to psych herself up for what was coming next. 3... 2... 1... push! She counted down in her head before pushing herself off her bed and up to her feet by herself for the first time.

Her vision went white with the immense pain that shot up her legs and she had to grit and fight against herself to not fall to the floor. After a few moments, when she was finally able to breathe properly again, she grabbed her phone and a throw blanket from the foot of her bed and began the very slow walk from her bedroom to the living room.

She paused, however, as she caught a glimpse of herself in her bedroom mirror. It was the first time she had properly seen herself since she had been taken. She shuffled closer to the mirror, examining the person who looked back. Someone had changed her clothes to a pair of shorts and a t-shirt upon arriving back to her apartment. Bandages wrapped up her arms and on parts of her legs. Lifting up the hem of her t-shirt Mijoo could see the bandages wrapped around her waist and stomach. She looked like a mummy or like one of those burn victims you see in movies.

Dropping the blanket, Mijoo began undoing one of the dressings on her arms, suddenly overcome with the need to see underneath. Unrolling the bandage up to her elbow, she let the wrapping fall to the floor as she looked down at her arm. Cuts criss-crossed her arm with no sense of pattern. Some cuts were deeper than others and still in the process of healing. Mijoo was finding it difficult to breathe and her hands shook as she lightly traced some of the already scarred over cuts. A sob she didn’t even realize she had been holding back broke out. She looked back up at the mirror, her whole body shaking now as her sadness turned to rage. A scream tore through her as she punched the mirror, and then again, and again, and again until finally the mirror shattered against her fist. Her arm fell limp at her side as she looked at her broken reflection in disgust, not even acknowledging the blood that dripped down her fingers from her knuckles, hitting the floor. Mijoo backed away from the mirror and headed to her bedroom door.

Opening the door she stopped, leaning against the frame to catch her breath while looking out at her living room and kitchen. It was obvious that there had been people in her apartment the past few days. All of her dishes were washed and put away, some of the knicknacks in her living room had been moved slightly as if someone had been examining them, and someone had been sleeping on her couch, leaving a pillow and blanket behind. Whoever it had been was gone now, and Mijoo was left alone in her apartment. A small meow came from Mijoo’s feet as Brian brushed up against her legs. Well, alone with Brian at least.

Almost as if in a trance Mijoo walked to the couch and sat down, leaving a trail of blood droplets as she walked. The pain she felt as she walked lingered in the back of her mind. She finally noticed the gashes across her knuckles as she sat there, but didn’t bother moving. What was one more scar going to matter when she was covered in them?

Mijoo heard the door to her apartment unlock and slam open. “Mijoo!” The voice of Hyunjin called loudly into her apartment as he rushed in before spotting her on the couch. “Are you ok? I was across the hall when I heard you screaming so I- what happened to your hand?!” Hyunjin asked as he came closer, his brow furrowing in concern.

“It’s nothing, just something else that will scar,” Mijoo said bitterly.

Hyunjin let out an exasperated sigh, “Mijoo… you should be more careful, and what happened to your bandages?” He asked as he went to the kitchen and found a rag, wetting it in the kitchen sink.

“I wanted to see,” Mijoo explained, feeling numb.

Hyunjin returned and carefully took her injured hand in his as he began to clean the blood off with the cool rag. “I was going to take some of them off tomorrow morning. Why are you up?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Hyunjin nodded, “That’s normal. After a traumatic event it can be difficult to sleep. Sadly, I can’t give you any more sedatives because I don’t want you to become dependent on them to sleep. It may take a couple of sleepless nights, but eventually it will pass.”

“Will it?” Mijoo asked, staring straight ahead.

“I’m positive,” Hyunjin insited. Mijoo didn’t believe him. “Now let me wrap this and get you back to bed, you need to at least try to sleep tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll take off some of the bandages and things will start to go back to normal.” Mijoo didn’t believe that either.

She sat silently as Hyunjin got up, grabbed some bandages, cleaned the cuts, and wrapped her knuckles. She let him help her up and walk her back into her bedroom. She watched him as he looked at her broken mirror, daring him to say something, but he stayed quiet. Hyunjin led her to the bed and helped her sit down on the edge of the bed. She obediently slipped her legs back under the covers and laid down, never once saying anything, her eyes looking off in the distance. Hyunjin pulled the covers over her some more and stood there a moment with his hands on his hips, “Need anything? A glass of water?” Mijoo didn’t look at him, refusing to say anything. “Alright well my numbers plugged in your phone, I’ll be across the hall. Call me if you need anything,” he said before turning out her bedside light.

Hyunjin turned to leave the room. “Who’s been sleeping on my couch?” Mijoo asked, when he was almost to the door.

Hyunjin paused at the door, “That would be Jisung. He stepped out to go buy some groceries from the 24/7 place down the street to replace what you lost the other day.” Mijoo didn’t respond to that and Hyunjin left. Once again Mijoo was left alone in her bedroom staring up at the ceiling.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

The next day, as promised, Hyunjin arrived bright and early to take off some of Mijoo’s bandages and rewrap the ones that still needed to heal. She hadn’t been able to sleep at all, her mind jumping from memories of what Jaehyo and Jihoon had done to her to imagining Nayeon being disgusted by her and turning against her to Nayeon being captured and tortured in front of her. She still hadn’t texted her friend back, not sure what to say or what lies to try and feed her. She hated lying to her friend, but her imagination of what would happen if she told the truth had already taken on a life of its own.

Jisung had returned during the night with what she assumed were the groceries Hyunjin had told her about. She knew it was Jisung and not an intruder entering her apartment when she heard him swearing under his breath as he collided with something in her apartment. She ignored the small comfort it gave her to know that she wasn’t alone.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Hyunjin asked, conversationally as he stepped through her doorway. Mijoo spotted Jisung out in the living room passed out on the couch and she felt a pang of jealousy shoot through her, wishing she could sleep so easily.

“Some,” She lied, looking away from Jisung’s sleeping form to Hyunjin. The way he was looking at her told her he didn’t believe her.

“Sleep will come more easily; I promise. Now, before I rewrap some of your bandages, I think you should take a shower. It will make you feel loads better,” Hyunjin suggested.

“Ok,” Mijoo replied, looking away from him. A look of concern passed behind Hyunjin’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything. He helped her out of bed and began taking off the bandages so she could take a proper shower.

“You should be able to get your clothes off by yourself in the bathroom, but if not just yell for my help. I don’t want to invade your privacy any more than we already have. Can I get you out a change of clothes?” Hyunjin asked as he collected the used bandages to throw away.

“No,” Mijoo said sharply. “No, I can get it on my own thank you.” She said again softer, trying to remind herself that he was just trying to help.

“Alright, well Felix is coming over this morning and requested that I make breakfast for you all. Anything you’d like me to make you?” Hyunjin asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” she answered, barely shrugging her shoulders as she stood in front of her dresser, opening a drawer to pick out something to wear.

“Alright, well if you need any help just remember to yell for me.” Hyunjin said before leaving the room and shutting her door, giving her privacy.

Mijoo quietly picked out some underwear and a bra to change into and then grabbed an old t-shirt from high school that she usually wore to sleep in and a pair of knit shorts. Slipping into the bathroom, she shut the door and the light. While she may have done a number on the mirror in her bedroom, the mirror in her bathroom was untouched and she was forced to look at her sleep deprived face and ratty hair. Mijoo the shower and let it run as she began to take off her clothes so that the mirror would fog up and she wouldn’t have to see her reflection again. Undressing was easier said than done. Her body ached and at every movement, pain would shoot up her arms and down her legs as she tried to take off her shirt. By the time she had gotten her shirt off she was crying and had stuffed a spare rag in to bite down on to keep from screaming. It took her less time to take off the rest of her clothes, but it was not at all less painful. There was nothing hiding the truth of what had happened to her now. Looking down at her form she let out silent sobs as she took in her scar covered body. Her hands shook as she touched a particularly nasty looking one on her thigh.

She sank to the floor, ignoring the pain, holding her hands to her chest and sobbed. Mijoo wasn’t a vain person; she didn’t think she was the most gorgeous person in the world and for the most part didn’t care much about her looks, but growing up she had thought she was somewhat pretty. But now here in the steam filled bathroom all she could think about was how ugly her scarred body looked. It was an ugly reminder of what had happened and it was a reminder that would stay with her forever. Most of the scars would never fade. It took her few moments to collect herself and eventually she dragged herself into the shower. The shower was painful against her skin, but she welcomed the pain. If her body was in pain she didn’t have to focus on how her chest ached so much she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She washed her hair and, as carefully as she could, washed her body before eventually turning off the water and stepping out of the shower.

With the noise of the shower gone she could hear the sounds of the TV in the living room and the muffled voices of Hyujin, Felix, and Jisung. She didn’t know how long she had been in the bathroom just looking at her scars and crying, but she figured it was probably a long time. She wiped off some of the steam from the mirror and looked at herself again. She still looked tired, but there was color in her cheeks again and she certainly looked more alive than she had before, even if she didn’t feel it.

She dried herself off and wrapped her hair in the towel before beginning the terrible task of trying to get dressed. It was painful and took even longer than when she had taken her clothes off, her wounds even more sensitive after the shower. Eventually she was done and she felt exhausted, but she knew she still needed to face Jisung and Felix and have Hyunjin wrap her wounds. She took the towel off her head and ran a brush through her hair before exiting the bathroom to go eat breakfast.

Leaving her bedroom, she spotted Jisung and Felix sitting at the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room talking to Hyujin who was cooking at the stove. Felix noticed her first turning with a big smile on his face. “There you are! Glad to see you up and about,” he said brightly. Mijoo tried to ignore the way his smile flickered as he looked at her and how the happiness in his voice sounded forced.

“Here I am,” Mijoo responded, slowly coming closer to the two men. “What are you making?” She asked Hyunjin, not really asking because she was interested but because she figured that was what she was supposed to say.

“Felix requested pancakes, so I hope you’re hungry.” Hyunjin replied. “Jisung, can you finish this up? I want to get Mijoo wrapped in new bandages and I’d rather not wait.”

“Sure,” He shrugged, standing up and going around the counter and taking the spatula from Hyunjin.

“Well I see you didn’t bother with asking if I was interested in helping make the pancakes,” Felix pouted, “I’m hurt, really, I am.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “No one in their right mind would trust you in the kitchen by yourself and even less so in the kitchen supervised by Jisung.”

“I’ll have you know I haven’t set the fire alarm off in my apartment building in the last two weeks thank you very much.” Felix said, nodding like that proved his point.

“And we’re proud of you, but like hell I’m letting you in the kitchen around me.” Hyunjin joked back as he gathered his medical supplies from the bag he had brought.

Mijoo just stood there awkwardly listening to the two of them bicker, not feeling really like she was there at all. She vaguely remembered Seungmin telling her a story about Felix catching Hyunjin’s hair on fire once, but she couldn’t be bothered to try and remember what he had said or even smile at the thought.

Hyunjin sat her down on her couch and began to apply disinfectant to her injured knuckles as he prepared to rewrap it. It stung, but Mijoo felt too numb to acknowledge it. He worked methodically and he quickly wrapped the injuries that needed more time to heal. He was giving her a once over to make sure he had finished everything properly when his cell phone rang. Sighing, he excused himself to the hallway, telling Mijoo she could go eat.

Mijoo made her way back over to where Felix was wolfing down a pile of pancakes. Jisung was still in the kitchen making more and Mijoo noticed that he had put on her frilly pink apron that her mom had bought her so many years ago. For the first time in a while, a small smile pulled at the corners of her lips.

Felix handed her a plate with more pancakes on it that she could possibly eat and began drizzling a healthy amount of syrup on it, turning the plate into a sea of maple syrup. “I was thinking that today we could just chill here. Since that stunt in the alley a while ago I’ve kind of been on probation with the guys so I’ve got nothing else going on and I heard about Jisung’s reassignment so it could be fun for us all to hang out!”

Mijoo watched Jisung’s shoulders tense at the mention of his new position as her personal bodyguard. He hadn’t said anything to her today, basically choosing to ignore her presence, but considering the last time she saw him she had thrown a glass at his head she figured that was probably for the best.

Before she could respond Hyunjin reentered her apartment. “Guys, I have to go. Changbin just called telling me that Chan’s doing something stupid and Woojin is nowhere to be found,” he said rolling his eyes. Mijoo found it hard to believe that Chan was capable of doing something stupid, but she figured she really didn’t know him well enough in the first place to decide that.

“Anything we should be worried about?” Jisung asked, turning from the stove.

Hyunjin hummed as if thinking. “Maybe? Doesn’t matter either way though, you guys are to stay here. If worse comes to worse I’ll call you.” He answered.

Jisung frowned but didn’t argue, just turning back to the final batch of pancakes he was making. Felix just nodded as if he expected to be left behind, “Alright, don’t let anything fun happen without us.” Hyunjin just rolled his eyes before leaving the apartment, giving Brian a quick scratch behind the ears before he left. The only one who seemed to be enjoying this new change in Mijoo’s life seemed to be her cat who was getting spoiled from all the attention.

The apartment fell silent besides the sound of the TV in the background. “So...you said something about hanging out?” Mijoo spoke up after a few minutes.

Felix perked up at the sound of her voice, a smile curling across his face, “You ever play poker before?”