(Accidental Sparks)

Title: 5/5

I thought the title fit the story nicely. The concept is there, and I like how it gives that little hint of what kind of story it is, yet still had that tinge of mystery to it. I personally liked it.

Foreword/Description: 9/10

The description was nice and brief. It wasn't too short that it didn't give enough information, and it also wasn't too long that it becomes a chore to read it. Well done! The only thing you need to change is the formatting. The description section is solely for the description, so all the info, credits, etc, should go to the foreword. 

Appearance: 5/5

I have no problems with the appearance. Everything was neat, and you put little fragments of the story before each chapter, which I also do, and honestly, it does help quip a reader’s interest. Good job!

Plot: 10/20

I'm going to be frank here; it was predictable. I know you have big plans for this fanfiction as well as plot twists, but the events of the chapters you have right now were really predictable. I think about the possible outcome of events, and then I find my predicitons correct. Like what I said earlier, I know there's going to be big plots in the future, but the common cliched plot line right now can throw many people off. If you brought the twist earlier into the chapters and eliminated the clichéd plotlines, it would have been much better.

On another note, I did like how you included many characters and how they are connected to each other in one way or another. That was pretty creative, and I'm happy you decided to do that.

Mechanics: 15/20

For the most part, you used your words properly and there were no awkward placings of adjectives anywhere, which is good. You had a couple of major mistakes though, like confusion with tenses and the usage of proper/common nouns. I noticed how you mix up the way you use 'the' and 'a' in some sentences, so I hope you brush up on that.

Also, when there is a new dialogue or there is a new speaker, it has to be in a separate line.

EXAMPLE:

Error:

"Hey, Sehun! Kyungsoo baked cookies for us!" Chanyeol exclaimed. "Oh, really? That's awesome!" Sehun replied.

Right:

"Hey, Sehun! Kyungsoo baked cookies for us!" Chanyeol exclaimed.

"Oh, really? That's awesome!" Sehun replied.

Just like that. I found myself getting extremely confused with the dialouge because of this. One of the said dialogue I found off was this:

Error:

“Let’s see, that girl damaged your pride as a playboy?” Chanyeol remarked, annoying Luhan even further. He only stated. “I hate girls who are her type.”

It made me re-read at least five times wondering who said it; was it Chanyeol or Luhan? So please do try to brush up on this as well.

Lastly, your comma/period usage. Many people get confused over this, so I'll just give you a couple of examples for this as well as brief explanations for you to understand.

EXAMPLE:

Error: “He’s very nice.” she said.

Right: “He’s very nice,” she said.

In the above example, we use a comma because ‘she said’ cannot stand as a sentence alone. If the following words after a dialogue can be a sentence, that is when you use a period in your dialogue, like the given example below.

EXAMPLE:

Error: “Amanda is very funny,” she laughed.

Right: “Amanda is very funny.” She laughed.

See how ‘She laughed.’ can be it’s own sentence? That’s when you use a period.

Characterization: 14/ 20

Your characters were basic and predictable. I knew how they were going to react to the turn of events, and honestly, that is not something good. Although your story has already reached sixteen chapters, it's still not too late to tweak their personalities a bit and make them interesting. The main girl was not appealing and did not stand out to me, as well as Luhan's casanova-ish ways, so I do hope you work on that. The characters that did intrigue me was Soojung and Kyuhyun, and I sincerely hope you do not waste their potenital as great characters in your story.

Flow/Style: 14/15

I had no problems with your flow. Everything is progressing nicely, but your errors did distract me.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5

I enjoyed your simple writing style, but your predictable plot kind of threw me off. You have a lot of potential to be a gret writer, so start expanding your imagination and explore other genres and concepts that would serve as a challenge for you. Good luck!

Total: 74/100