The title suits the fic, but it was not appealing. If I was scrolling down lists of fics, I would’ve just skipped past yours. 

After reading the first line of your forward, I already had bad expectations for the fic. The sentence is grammatically incorrect. Change it to; “They never knew each other until God willed them to...” The rest of the stanzas are fine, but after reading the forward I can honestly say I was not compelled to read further. Forwards are meant to catch a  reader’s attention and compel them to read on, and yours did not do so. I suggest you add more detail and expand your use of vocabulary. 

When transitioning, please do not use ‘~~~~~~~~’ or otherwise known as tildes. No words can explain how much that irks me and a lot of other people. If you want to emphasize transitions, just leave space between the transitions.

Do you know how many arranged marriage fics there are on AFF? Arranged marriage fics are very, very, very common and yours is no different to the others. I suggest adding variety to your fic to make it more interesting. But I understand that will be difficult due to the fact that you are already twenty-seven chapters into your fic.

Your fic’s grammar isn’t that bad, but the flow is terrible. Your sentences are worded awkwardly. When writing, sound out your sentences to make sure they don’t sound awkward. Think, ‘would you talk like this out loud?’

Characters are evolved, but at some points they do not follow their roles. 

Sentences are worded awkwardly, refer to ‘Mechanics’. 

I’m not into DBSK or arranged marriages.