“Ahjumma can you bring us a few more side dishes and glasses?” Shiwoo shouted politely to the elderly lady working away. She looked up and nodded before smiling toward us. Shiwoo smiled and faced the rest of us.

“Minah are you okay? You’ve hardly eaten anything?” Hajoon asked me. Everyone stopped eating and faced me. I looked at all of them before smiling weakly.

“Sorry. I was just thinking about after the show ended. Bumping into EXO sunbaes.” I explained as I stared at the food on my plate that had been untouched for a while now.

“What about it?” My head shot up as I looked at Young G. He just shrugged at me and the other members nodded to his question except Jinyoung and me. I tilted my head a bit confused at his question.

“What do you mean?” I asked Young G who simply nodded to my question as he ate a piece of meat off the tiny grill in the middle of the table.

“That’s what I mean. What do you mean by your comment? What’s so special about them? They’re just idols like you and me. If it’s because they debuted before you that shouldn’t matter. We debuted before them so we are superior to them. You don’t have to be scared of them just because they are your sunbaes. You have us to back you up.” Young G explained as he continued to eat. I sighed softly as the other members nodded except for Jinyoung who simply stared at me.

“Young G. I’m really thankful for your words and everything else but you shouldn’t speak so badly about EXO sunbae-nims.” I said as everyone who was eating stopped and looked at me confused.

“Why not? We’re rivals aren’t we? They’re from SM, our rival company.” Junghoon asked as I turned and looked at him surprised.

“Why not? Are you guys okay? We’re not competing here. How can they be our rivals? Just because they are from SM doesn’t mean we can’t get along right? What if I was an SM artist? Would none of you like me either even though we are friends now?” I asked and as soon as I did I regretted every word. All the members froze in their spots and faced me confused.

“Why would you be an SM artist?” Junghoon asked me and I avoided my eyes from all of them.

“I’m just saying hypothetically speaking.” I tried to explain as I played with the food on my plate not wanting to meet eyes with any of them.

“Hypothetically speaking. Why would you be an SM artist?” Hajoon asked and I started becoming nervous.

“I’m just saying. In general. If I suddenly became an SM artist or an artist in another company.” I tried to clarify the mistake I’ve made.

“Hypothetically speaking or not. If you become an SM artist we won’t treat you any differently even if we are friends. To all of us you are a rival just like them.” Young G said and I shot my head up. I made eye contact with him and I could see how serious he was. I suddenly felt my energy being drained out of me as all the members nodded. I don’t know if it was because I felt hurt or whether because I was angry but I spoke none the less.

“How can you say that so calmly? We’ve been under the same company for a while but we always cared for each other. We always helped each other. We laughed, joked and cried together. For what? For all of those memories to go down the drain? For all the time we’ve spent together to go to waste?” I said as my voice cracked and stared at all of them as they avoided my gaze. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt alone once again.

“So you mean to tell me all the time we spent together can be thrown away for something as pointless as being an SM artist?” I asked them once again wanting anyone to deny it for me so the pain I felt in my chest would go away.

“SM has always been our rivals. We want to become idols just as much as they do. If they sell more than us then we can’t reach our dream. It’s always been like that and no matter where you go that’s all that matters. We are all a family here because we are under this entertainment company even you, Minah. But if you choose to leave, you also choose to leave our family. We won’t change anything just for you, just for a friend. We have a dream and we’ll do what we can to reach it.” Shiwoo said and I stared at all the members nodding even Jinyoung.

“Is that how much our friendship means to all of you?” I asked them trying to hold in my tears as they all nodded once more.

“Minah. We just got off of work. We can understand you are stressed. We know you are a caring and sweet person but why are you making a big deal over this? It’s not like you’re leaving or anything so why are you so worked up over this?” Young G said as everyone else looked at me nodded wondering the same thing. I looked at all of them hurt, upset and angry.

“Because I’m hurt. The second I leave this company I’m just a stranger to all of you. Maybe I’m not going anywhere but it hurts to know I’ll mean nothing to all of you. All the sweat, blood and tears we shared were for nothing? The day Shiwoo was having a hard time writing a rap and the CEO was on the verge of kicking him out of the group, we spent all day and night writing, rewriting and composing a song. The day Junghoon was being attacked for not being a great visual in the face of haters, I spent every minute sending him encouraging words and commenting on all his SNS accounts to block out the haters comments, the day Young G sprained his ankle and was told he wouldn’t be able to perform again, I helped him go through every obstacle and always cheered him on. The day Hajoon was depressed for a whole week because he missed his family, I was always there to hug him, comfort him and cheer him through it. I was even there when Xing got sick and made him soup and sent him medicine even though I never personally went myself. Every time Jinyoung needed a friend to hear him out, comfort him and cheer him on I was always there. Are those memories useless too? When you all debuted I was seated front row just to watch you all perform and cheer you all on. Was that meaningless too?” I asked as my tears escaped my eyes. All the members looked at me with sadness and regret.

“Minah-” Hajoon began before I cut him off.

“To you all I may be meaningless enough to be thrown away but to