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Does she really want to leave?

As she kissed him again, that question suddenly popped into her mind. Donghae is the only thing that stops her from wanting to leave. And if ever she chooses to stay, it is all because of him. She doesn’t want to leave him. In fact, she still hasn’t thanked him for everything he has done to her. Meeting him was probably the best thing that has ever happened to her because if it wasn’t for him, maybe she’s still a fool within Minho’s hands. Donghae snapped her out of the fantasies she’s living in and showed her what reality looks like. He had taught her things she never did expect that she will learn and she’s thankful to him bigtime.

But what she has for him isn’t the feeling when she owes something. She feels different and she doesn’t want to name it… yet. She’s still unsure and confused about everything and the fact that she just got her heart broken and she wouldn’t take a risk at least for now. Sooyeon knows to herself that Donghae is different from the other guys but giving her heart to him isn’t easy from what it seems like. She kissed him like there’s no tomorrow. She is very sure of what she feels and she knows what it is and the thing that only stops her from naming and saying it is the fact that she’s scared. She’s scared, yes. She’s afraid that she might get her heart broken once again even if Donghae isn’t the heartbreaker type ─ although he looks like one.

He loves her and he attempted to say it but she prevented him from saying those words because leaving him wouldn’t be possible if she hears it. It would only make it hard for her to leave for she wouldn’t be able to control herself anymore. She’s holding back and from what she’s doing, she’s driving the both of them crazy.

The kiss turned into something more and before it could lead to something much more, she managed to pull herself away from him. They stared at each other’s eyes with so much intensity and desire. Both of their eyes were screaming they wanted each other. His mind screams for her name and hers was screaming his name.

“Is there anything I could do to make you stay?” he whispered to her as he asked using a pleading tone.

She looked away and avoided his gaze.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you, Sooyeon,” he told her with so much authority in his voice. “Is there anything I could do to make you stay?”

Tears started to form in the corner of her eyes. She expected him to say that after that mind-blowing kisses they’ve had. She bit her lips that are kind of sore because of him and lowered her head. And that’s when her tears started falling.

“Answer me, Sooyeon. I told you I don’t want to see you crying.” She could sense the impatience in his voice but he’s trying his best to stay calm so he won’t scare her. He doesn’t want to scare her and he doesn’t want her to be afraid of him when all along he has been her Superman and the only one she’s got during her worst.

Sooyeon hesitantly looked into his eyes and shook her head as a response.

He nodded and smiled bitterly. “To be honest, I don’t want you to leave. If there’s anything I could do, I would do it. You drive me crazy and you’re like a drug that has become a habit, Sooyeon. And habits die hard.” He told her while staring directly at her eyes, emphasizing every word. “So don’t you dare to tell me to forget you and don’t stop me from saying I love you because I do.”

“I-I told you not to say that…” she replied as she cried in front of him.

“Why can’t I? Is it bad to tell you that I love you? For months, your face haunts me every damn time. I notice everything that you do. It ain’t hard for me to fall in love with you because Sooyeon, you’re one of a kind and different from others. I love you for being true to yourself and for being so strong when the rest of you is down,” he held both of her shoulders and leaned to her closer. “I want you stay, Sooyeon.”

Sooyeon sniffed and removed his hands away from her. She took a step back while shaking her head in disagreement. She wiped her tears and looked at him once again.

“Be sure about what you feel, Donghae,” she said to him. “Maybe you’re in love with the fact that you love me just like with Jaekyung. I’ve been with you for how many months and maybe that’s what makes you say those silly things.”

His brows furrowed and got somehow a little offended by what she said.

“Why are making it seem like it is a bad thing to fall in love with me?” he asked. “If you’re scared just because I might break your heart again, then I won’t. But I can’t promise you that I won’t hurt you because there will come a day that I will. Physically, not but emotionally, yes. Hurting is part of loving and it isn’t love if you’re not getting hurt. Take a risk.”

“C-Can’t I give my heart a break?”

“If that’s what you want,” he nodded and sighed. “If there is nothing I could do just to make you stay, then do what you want, Sooyeon. Go and leave but it won’t change the fact that I’m in love with you.” He told her and leaned in to give her a peck on her forehead before he wished her goodnight.

And as he walked towards his room, Sooyeon broke into tears and just let herself be weak again. After all, even the strongest feels weak at times.

She feels something for him.

Maybe it’s a right love at the wrong time and maybe it isn’t their time yet. But she knows there will come a day that they love will find a way. If he really loves her, he’s willing to wait for her. If he’s true that he loves her, he will let her go and will wait for her.

Yes, she has something for him and she only wanted to name it when she finally found herself and already has picked up the pieces of her. Because by the time she wants to name it, she wanted to be sure and ready to love again.

She wanted to be the best for him and right now, she’s still broken from the misery she had gone through with her ex-boyfriend. She wanted to find and free herself and pick up the pieces of her broken self and heart. She wanted herself to be fully-recovered from everything she had suffered and she knew it is about time to give herself a break from those kind of things. Maybe not now, not today, but someday, For now, she just wanted to make sure about how she feels and make the complicated things uncomplicated because right now, everything is scattered and messed up. Every damn thing confuses her and she wanted to fix it one by one.

Sooyeon wanted to clear her mind. She wanted to be alone just for a little while. She wanted to learn how to love herself first before loving someone. Because when you’re in love, you tend to forget to love yourself and give your all to that someone you love just because you love them more than yourself. And for Sooyeon, it is better to learn how to love herself first before loving someone. She made a mistake once, there’s no way she’s going to repeat it all over again.

She already learned her lesson.

And there’s no way she’s going to make history repeat itself.

She wanted to leave.

Not to get away from her problems but to face it and the real world. There are a lot of things that she needs to learn and to discover. There are a lot of things in this world that needs to be seen and done. She wanted to have enough time for herself. She wanted to learn how to love herself and experience the feeling of living life to the fullest.

She wanted to pursue her dreams.

She wanted to be successful.

She wanted to be what she wants to be and that’s what her heart wants because after all, it wants what it wants and she does what she wants.

Leaving to find herself and her happiness is by far the best decision she has ever come up with and even though the feelings she has for Donghae sometimes stops her from doing so, she has to and she needs to. If the two of them are really meant for each other, destiny will make its own way just to cross their paths.

If not, then so be it.

Love can wait. True love waits as they say and if he really loves her, he will wait for her and if the two of them are really destined to be together, there will come a specific time for them.

Maybe it was a right love at the wrong time.

And maybe someday, there will be a right love, in the right time and at the right place.

She likes him and she just doesn’t like to say and admit it.

Donghae went home late and of course, Sooyeon is already in her deep slumber. The first that he did when he got inside his unit is to check on her. She was sleeping safe and sound and he couldn’t deny the fact that she looks so beautiful when she’s sleeping. Her face looks so peaceful and at ease like there’s nothing that is bothering her. He went to her and gave her a goodnight kiss on her forehead and wished her goodnight.

He stayed for a little while by just staring at her.

Thoughts flooded his mind while staring at Sooyeon’s serene face. That girl in front of him is seriously driving him crazy. There are so many questions running around his head and he couldn’t even answer all of those in one go. He’s in love with her but why can’t he go for that? He loves her but why can’t they just be together? Selfish, as they would say but what about his happiness? Does he deserve all the damn sadness in this world?

He doesn’t want her to leave but there’s nothing he can do about it. He just wanted her to stay beside him and be with him. He wants her but why can’t he have her? She’s the only one he has ever wanted and yet he couldn’t still have what he wants. He loves her and even if he’s still questioning himself if he really does, he really does love her. He had never felt this way before with Jaekyung and he could actually see the future with Jung Sooyeon.

But now that she said that she’s leaving, everything that he had foresighted seemed to fade even just for a little bit. He didn’t know if she’s still going to come back and when or probably the worst is that she’s never going back. Those are just two things and the second one scares him to death.

Will he ever meet her again once she leaves? He doesn’t know. But if they are really meant for each other, love will make a way and maybe that’s the only thing that he’s holding onto for now;

Destiny.

Ayo, how's everybody doing? I hope you guys are doing fine and great =))) Honestly, I really had a bad day today and considering it's Monday today, it makes me feel like this week's going to be tough since the first day of this week turned out to be a disaster. I twisted my foot and now I can't walk that much. I'm limping and a turtle is probably faster than me now when I walk.

Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter even though it's short :) Bear with me, please? Hahaha. Aside from that, have you seen the leaked photos of Jessica being in the original version of CMIYC MV? I so wanna see the OT9 version of it! Ever since I heard her sing it the part 'my heart~' in J&K, I really feel something about it.

To be honest, I miss OT9 and I know I'm not the only one. I support OT8 and Jessica at the same time and I guess you can say that I'm neutral. I support both of them. :)

Anywaaaaay again, I want to hear some feedbacks from you guys so if you wouldn't mind to leave a comment in the comment section below and tell me what do you think about this (short) chapter. 

Thank you!

All the love <3