"This war changed the lives of our fellow citizens down in the poverty-stricken areas and soon, it will devour us also."

I giggled as Sehun casually scoot his chair back and reached his hand under his chair to run his warm and rough fingers up my leg. Sehun stopped once he reached the hem of my skirt and turned around to give me a smirk before scooting back into his desk before the teacher caught us.

I looked around to make sure that no one saw but Jongdae and Danah were both staring at us from the front of the classroom with raised eyebrows and cocky, pleasantly occupied expressions.

I looked away, just glad that I shaved my legs this morning.

 By now our whole grade two class knew that Sehun and I were an item but Danah seemed the most aware. Three months ago when Sehun and I announced that we were officially dating, Danah was clearly upset. Jongdae and Sehun didn't notice but I definitely caught the look of dejection on her face between the seconds when she would laugh at Jongdae's jokes or put on her facade. I didn't say anything and neither did Danah. She gingerly avoided me at first but must have gotten over her sorrow because she was fine after a week and started flirting with a boy named Jongin from class 2-A.

At two months, me and Sehun's relationship was shallow and full of physical intimacy-- mirroring ninety-nine percent of the relationships at our age. We touched each other and laughed together but I never told him anything about childhood or about how things were getting bad again and I was certain that there were secrets that Sehun kept to himself also.

Of course, I loved having Sehun around me. He was like a best friend, a security blanket, and a stately teenage boy to look at. That's why it surprised me when Sehun asked me to meet his father.

"Today?"

"Yeah, today. You, Jongdae, and Danah can meet at my house after school. There's a government army sponsored dance thing that I don't want to go to alone to,” Sehun stated, "Plus you're my first girlfriend and he's curious."

"Short notice," I bit my lip. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, I was just afraid that I would do or say something wrong.

"I think it'll be fun," Jongdae chirped in. 

"I agree," Danah said, "Can I bring Jongin?"

"The more the merrier," Sehun grinned and Jongdae scowled. At the end of the day, the class president was always alone.

Sehun took my hand and rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand, "You're coming, right, Yoonmi?"

"I guess." 

He pecked me on the lips and our homeroom teacher snapped at us.

The six of us were at the largest military base in Seoul, surrounded by army brats and uniformed soldiers and generals. I dressed in a lovely white dress that I had never worn before and Danah borrowed one of my many. Sehun took my hand and made a beeline for a group of elders dressed in blue suits that were adorned in badges and patches.

"Father."

A tall, handsome man with permanant wrinkles between his eyebrows and a melancholy expression turned to greet his son. Without a word, he excused himself from the crowd of men. Sehun shot me a look, squeezing my hand as I followed him to the parking lot where the cool wind greeted us with a frigid chill. The military camp was somewhat new so the asphalt still smelled of a smoky black that blended in with the emptiness of the night sky.

We could never see the stars in Seoul-- especially after Air Force started taking their hourly rounds perusing the country after ten PM; the same white spotlight that browsed over the disdained incompetence of the slums also showered its benedictions upon the upper class with its disturbingly placid state of dormant rest.  

As always, Oh Sehun walked with confidence but I could feel his hand sweating and his breath quickening. His lips didn't dare open to say a word and his eyes seemed to do their own quivering.

"Take this and get out of here," I heard Sehun's dad mutter under his breath. We stopped in front of what seemed to be Mr. Oh's car. I never took much interest in cars but I knew the difference between a cheap one and an expensive one and Mr. Oh's was an impressive and beautiful sleek sports car with leather seats. He opened the trunk to reveal cases of foreign booze stashed away underneath blankets and hastily closed suitcases of clothes and overnight supply. Sehun looked over at me with a wide grin as his father quickly shoved two bottles into his son's hand. I was already aware of the fact that Sehun drank every day to "stay calm" but his militant father being his supplier was a bit of a surprise.

I tried to say at least a "hello" to Sehun's father but my boyfriend was quick to take my hand and started a quick pace towards Han River where the military base overlooked.

An excitement filled me as the sweet air and glistening water greeted Sehun and I. 

"Were you planning on ditching ever since the beginning?" I asked.

"Basically," he replied, "And I'm sorry I told you that he was curious about you. I wanted you to come and I didn't think you would without a good reason." 

We reached the sad and forgotten shore of Han river where not a single citizen’s toe had touched since its public closing last year. Me, Sehun, and the alcohol sat on the grass and faced the river, the reflection of Seoul's imposing skyline illuminating the water's shadowy ripples.

There was always something magical about nights like these. Maybe it was the fact that we knew we could speak without anyone around to hear us-- the fact that the murkiness and slight fog of the night added to the prospected sensuality. Whatever it was, adrenaline was pulsing through our fiery veins and ablazed our naiive eyes as we held each other.

Sehun took out a pocket knife and opened the bottle with anticipation, offering me some. I refused and he shrugged.

"More for me."

I had never been drunk nor have I ever desired to. Alcohol and cigarettes were two essential parts of Korean culture that steered me away from our country's men. During my childhood, all I could do was quietly sulk around as I watched my family crack into a million piece of glass due to substance abuse; even today I simply watched as Sehun cocked his head back to pour the intoxicating contents into his system, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his expensive dress shirt as he removed the mouth of the bottle from his red lips.

"Yoonmi."

"Yeah."

"You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" Sehun asked quietly. He held the bottle by its neck and swirled the alcohol around the glass.

"Tell anyone what?"

"This. My dad could be fired-"

"Why would I tell anyone?" I  asked as I chuckled.

Sehun nodded in response. "I know you wouldn't. But my dad was fired once already when he had with a cadet during his station in Tokyo. I mean, it was his fault but that old man can't stay away from young women I tell you." By now I was pretty certain that the alcohol was getting to him and all I could think of were the times when I threw punches at my dad for throwing up on the toilet and muttering nonsense in an emphatically detestable manner.

Sehun loved alcohol and I was afraid that one day-- if one day ever came for us-- he would love it more than he loved me.

I looked over at Sehun to see his narrow and hazy eyes staring into my alert ones.

"Why don't you like me, Yoonmi?"

"I like you. I'd like it better if you weren't already drunk and talking nonsense you'll regret tomorrow," I chuckled, somewhat nervously. Nervously because I really wasn't sure if he was drunk or not. We never spoke to each other about serious topics. I glanced down at the bottle to see that he barely drank any and I found myself shrinking into the damp grass.

Sehun rolled his eyes in response.

"I'm serious and I'm not ing drunk. The fact that you think that I have to be drunk to open you up sickens me. You know what else sickens me is the fact that you're beautiful and everyone around us knows it but you and none of them are drunk. Well, I'm not drunk but I will be a tad bit more sober tomorrow and you my dear will still be beautiful-"

"That sounds like a paraphrased line from The Dreamers-"

"-Yeah it is. Which is your favorite foreign movie," he interrupted knowingly, "anyway, I like you a whole bunch and you don't like me enough, doll."

Sehun's bluntness was unanticipated and took me aback. I spent innumerable nights surmising the context of my relationship with Sehun-- contemplating whether it was that I wanted Sehun or that I merely wanted a companion. I had enough riches in my life but they left me in a state of destitute by the end of the day when I discovered that when I tried to empty myself, I would find nothing and be reduced to forcing myself to cull shattered remnants of my once-existent emotions.

Then again, my inner feelings were my own fault; nothing particularly tragic had happened to me that left me so decomposed. Whether it was the plastic-ness of everyone's admiration or the plastic-ness of my soon-to-be outmoded clothes and the lavish society that I was surrounded by, I felt just that: plastic.

Unfortunately, stressing out about my feelings for Sehun didn't prove to do anything. I still couldn't provide a valid reply to any of Sehun's statements and by the look on his face, he appeared disheartened. I was not thickheaded, I knew that he brought up the topic so I  could defend myself and we could push my worries, his repressions and our misunderstandings back under the dusty bed, but we both deserved the truth.

Something both of us did not know the meaning of.

"Sehun, we don't know each other enough yet." I wanted to like Sehun as much as he did me. Unfortunately, I was practical. We were in high school. We were young. It could not happen for us.

"Then tell me why I like you so damn much. Three months of being with each other isn't a long time but it isn't a short time. I'm not drunk by the way," Sehun asserted another time before continuing, "and you're right I'll probably go home and lay on my bed, kicking the air and swearing every curse I can think of, wondering how much time I have left until you realize how much of a pathetic loser I am and leave me but for now I'm going to pretend like that's not going to happen."

I didn't want to think of Sehun as pitiful because he wasn't. But my words choked in my throat as I saw the desperation in his eyes as he pulled away after pecking a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. 

"Love me soon."